


Must Love Hotdogs

by siobhane



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Ideas, Catfishing, Crazed trepies, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Good Intentions, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internet Dating, Lies and more lies, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Rumors, Slash, blind dating, half crack fic, the mythical friend-zone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-05-25 22:51:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 64,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6213331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siobhane/pseuds/siobhane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Zell wants is a date with the library girl, but she has her heart set on another.  Selphie and Rinoa set up a secret online dating profile to help him find a girlfriend, while Irvine dispenses bad advice on what women want.  An unlikely student develops a crush, a former antagonist becomes a friend, the Trepies are after his head, and Zell suddenly finds himself with more prospects than he can handle.  Alternate version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mr. Nice Guy

**Author's Note:**

> This story is an alternate version of the story with the same title posted on ffn. I wrote about 6 chapters and then changed my mind about the final pairing. There are multiple options that are set up in the first few chapters (hence, Zell paired with half the cast to keep the outcome ambiguous), so rather than discard the later bits, I decided to do both, one here and one on ffn. Because I love them both. The first few chapters remain the same as the ones available on FFN. 
> 
> But poor Zell. Heh.

Selphie was crying. _Again_.

Hyne knew what about, either, but it was the third time that week she burst into Zell's room, babbling incoherently at him as she flung herself onto his bed. He stifled a yawn and closed the door, and wondered what she thought she was doing. It was 3AM, for Hyne's sake. He had to be up in two hours.

"Andthenitoldhimhe'sagreatbigidiot!" Selphie moaned into the pillow. "Hewaslookingatherandnotatmeandi'msomadicouldkillhim!"

"Come again?" he asked.

Either he was really tired or Selphie wasn't speaking the same language.

"IRVINE!" she shrieked. "He was LOOKING at some girl!"

"And?" Zell asked, stifling a yawn.

"HE WAS LOOKING!"

Zell shoved his fingers in his ears and winced.  He was pretty sure the whole dorm heard her too. 

"I got that part," he said. "I just don't get what the big deal is."

"He was _LOOKING_ at her, Zell! And she was so pretty and her boobs are bigger than mine and her skirt was way shorter," Selphie said with a sniffle. "You know what that means! He's bored with me, and he's going to uprade and then I'll be all alone and...and...and... _whahaaaaaaaaa_!"

Zell pressed a hand over his eyes and sighed as Selphie threw herself back into the pillow, howling with great, loud sobs that were sure to earn him a complaint or two from his neighbors. He really didn't want to explain to Squall and Quistis why Selphie was in his room at such an ungodly hour, howling like a crazed banshee.

He perched on the edge of the bed beside Selphie and patted her back, feeling awkward about the whole thing.

"It'll be okay, Seffie," he promised. "Irvine doesn't mean anything by it. He just likes to look."

"Exactly!" Selphie cried as if Zell had agreed with her. "He's only supposed to have eyes for  _me_. Not some cafeteria skank!"

Cafeteria skank? Zell wasn't even sure what that meant, but he nodded. Maybe if he agreed with everything she said, she'd leave. After all, he didn't want a repeat of Selphie's last meltdown in his room, which ended with her passed out on his bed snoring while he wound up on the floor with just a sheet and the pillow with the lumpy stuffing that he didn't like so much.

"Maybe I should wear my skirt shorter," Selphie said, sitting up. "Maybe that would get his attention."

"Seffie, that would get _everyone's attention_ ," Zell said, thinking of how many times he'd accidentally seen too much without meaning to. Any shorter and all of Garden would know Selphie preferred undies with cactuar, chocobos, or moombas on them.

Thinking about that brought a blush to Zell's cheeks, and he was suddenly very uncomfortable with the fact that Selphie was on his bed. There was a cute girl in his bed, and all he wanted to do was get her out of it so he could go back to sleep. He sort of wondered what that said about him until Selphie sat up and threw her arms around his neck and sobbed hysterically.

There was no choice but to hug her and say all the things he was expected to say when Selphie was upset. She would not leave until it was out of her system, no matter how many hints he dropped.

_You'll be fine. Irvine really does love you. You'll be okay. No, your skirt does not need to be an inch shorter. Of course you're not ugly._

He said these things, and kept saying them until Selphie was sound asleep with her head on his shoulder, snoring contentedly in his ear. With a sigh, he eased her back into the pillow, covered her up, and settled down on the floor, even though he needed to be up in less than an hour.

He woke up cranky, stiff and tired, but he dressed and headed to the gym for a run, followed by a long, hot shower and a breakfast of biscuits, gravy and sausage.

"Mornin,'" Irvine drawled and sat down across from him with a tray of pancakes and a big cup of coffee. "Seen Seffie around?"

"Probably still asleep," Zell said. He didn't add,  _in my bed,_ but he really wanted to. It might be satisfying to see the look on Irvine's face, but it would not be worth all the drama it would cause.

"Tried her room," Irvine said.

"Maybe she's not answering."

"Nah. I've got her spare key card."

"Dunno, man," Zell said, keeping his eyes on his plate.

Irvine yawned and took a long swallow of his coffee.

"She kept me up all night talking some crazy stuff about looking at a girl and boobs and something about a skirt? I don't even know what she's so upset about."

"Yeah?" Zell said, too tired to pretend he was interested. "That sucks."

"Women, man. Can't live with 'em, sure as hell can't live without 'em."

"Right on," Zell said.

Irvine stabbed at his pancakes and shoved a forkful into his mouth.

"You ask that cute library girl out yet?"

"Nah," Zell said.

"Why not? She's into you," Irvine said.

"How can you tell?"

"I can tell," Irvine said. "But you gotta play it cool. You don't wanna come on too strong with that one. Skittish, you know?"

Zell didn't know. They barely spoke. Sure, the girl said hi to him every time he came into the library, and sometimes they chatted about books or the weather, and sometimes she got ahold of special magazines for him, but that was sort of her job. She had to be nice. And being nice didn't mean she had a crush on him or anything.

Did it?

He thought about asking Irvine for advice on how to ask her out. Zell never asked a girl on a date before, but he was almost nineteen and that was sort of pathetic when he thought about it.

Eighteen, and never asked a girl out. Eighteen and never had a girlfriend. Eighteen and never been kissed, unless he counted all the kisses on the cheek or forehead from Rinoa, Quistis and Selphie. But he was pretty sure those didn't count.

Hell, even Squall had a girlfriend. Squall, who had made it his mission to ignore everyone and everything around him. Squall, who pre-Rinoa earned himself a reputation for being a colossal dick to any girl who even so much as smiled in his direction.  _He_  had a girlfriend.

He had a lot of friends that were girls and they seemed to enjoy his company. Quistis said he was a sweetheart, and Rinoa was constantly telling him he was cute and Selphie was always hugging him. So why was he single? If the girls liked him, that meant he wasn't repulsive or anything.

"Don't be too nice to her," Irvine said, though Zell didn't ask. "Girls like a bit of mystery. A bad boy. You gotta play it cool, be kind of vague and dangerous to get their attention."

"What are you saying?" Zell asked. "I'm a rank A SeeD. That's about as bad as they come."

"You're too nice," Irvine said. "Girls don't want a guy they can walk all over. You're a doormat."

"I am not a doormat!"

Irvine lifted an eyebrow.

"You let them cry all over you. You're their dumping ground for bad feelings," Irvine said.

"Selphie cries all over you, too," Zell protested.

"That's different. She's my girlfriend," Irvine said. "Don't let a girl cry on you unless you got something going already. Otherwise, you're gonna get stuck in the friend-zone and once you're in the friend-zone, you can never get out."

"Huh."

Zell had never really thought about that. Was he really too nice?

"See, here's the thing, Dincht," Irvine said, leaning forward with a conspiratorial grin. "Girls love a fixer-uper. They love the broken ones. They love  _issues_. Brings out their nurturing side, you know. Makes 'em want to take care of you, especially if you pretend you don't care."

"No way," Zell said. "I hear girls complain all the time about how much they hate guys treating them like shit."

"They say that, but that isn't what they want," Irvine said. "Prime example? Our good Commander and his beloved Sorceress. You remember what he was like, yeah? All dark and broody and mysterious? But guess what? Rinoa ate it up, licked the plate and asked for seconds, didn't she?"

Zell put a hand to his face at Irvine's apt but rather gross description.

"Yeah, but..." Zell began, but he couldn't think of a counter argument.

"See, if you show them your sensitive side before you make a move, you're dead in the water," Irvine continued. "Girls love a challenge. Throwing it all out there right off the bat makes you boring and unattractive to them. They know what they're getting ahead of time. There's no mystery."

"Huh," Zell said. "So... Basically, I have to be mean and weird to get a girl? That's stupid."

Irvine sighed and shook his head like Zell was the most pathetic and hopeless thing he'd ever seen.

"Your problem is that you want to be their friend," Irvine said. "Nothing kills relationship potential like being labeled a friend. Period. You gotta seem cool and disinterested. Not too disinterested, but enough to keep her on her toes. Let her come to you, man."

While Irvine was sort of making sense, Zell didn't think he had it in him to be mean to a girl he liked. His Ma didn't raise him that way, and being nice was just something that he was.

And how was a girl supposed to know he was interested if he didn't  _seem_  interested? And Zell didn't really have issues. Not the way Squall did, anyway. Sure, maybe he was a little hyper and sometimes too loud but he considered himself fairly normal.

"Seems kinda wrong," Zell said. "To make them think stuff about you that isn't true."

"Take my advice or you're going to be a human snot rag for the rest of your life," Irvine said. "Nice guys finish last, my friend."

Zell supposed he could try it. It sounded stupid and contrived, but he supposed if it worked for Irvine and Squall, maybe it would work for him.

"You should probably stop dressing like a kid, too," Irvine said. "And do something different with your hair. Girls notice that shit."

"What's wrong with my hair?" Zell demanded.

"How much gel do you use in the morning?"

"Dunno, a lot?"

"How's she supposed to run her fingers through your hair if you've got so much gel in it it would take a chisel to get through it?"

Zell reached up and touched the tall spikes, feeling defensive and embarrassed. He liked his hair this way. He never even considered that a girl might want to run her fingers through it.  Now that he thought about it, he bet it would feel really nice. And because Irvine had brought it up, Zell knew that all his stupid, romantic fantasies would somehow include a girl playing with his hair from now on.

Great. Like he needed more fuel for the fire in his neglected loins. Stupid Irvine and his unsolicited advice. Now Zell's day would now be spent pondering Irvine's words of wisdom and alternately fantasizing about the library girl running her fingers through his long bangs.

"Huh."

A glance at his watch told him it was time to head to his classroom in the garage. He taught an 8 AM class on Vehicle Maintenance, which might have been fun, except this semester the unholy trinity was enrolled in his class. Seifer, Raijin and Fujin all in the same class was the stuff of nightmares for every single instructor at Garden. Whoever had allowed that to happen deserved to be shot.

Cid, Squall and Quistis collectively decided to give the three of them a do-over, which meant they were still cadets. Technically, Seifer was too old, but a special allowance was made so that he got another shot to become a SeeD. Not that Seifer cared if he ever became one or not, and at the rate he was going, he'd be a cadet for life. 

"Gotta go," Zell said as he gathered his tray. "Gonna be late."

"Think about it, okay?" Irvine said. "You wanna ask the library girl out, I'll give you some pointers."

"Yeah, sure," Zell said absently, wondering if everything Irvine said might be true. Maybe so, since it seemed he had gained a whole fan club of his own in the time since he'd officially transferred to Balamb. Girls went nuts over him. They blushed and giggled when he smiled at them in the halls. Girls didn't do that when Zell walked by. Most of them didn't even look his way. So maybe he was doing something wrong.

He grabbed a coffee on the way out, waved to the library girl as she passed him on her way in. He still didn't know her name. He was going to have to make a point to learn it if he ever hoped to get her to go out with him. He couldn't just keep calling her library girl. He doubted she'd like that, but so far, he'd been too shy to ask.

Then he kicked himself for forgetting Irvine's advice so quickly. Maybe he should have just ignored her or given her a nod of cool disinterest. Pretended he didn't see her or something. Too late now.

In his classroom, he pulled on his coveralls, rolled up the sleeves and dumped a stack of graded exams on his desk. Then he unlocked the tool cabinet and did a quick survey of the inventory. If he didn't stay on top of it, the cadets would rob the cabinet of anything useful for their own nefarious purposes. A strict check-in, check-out system was necessary unless he wanted to try and teach a class without the aid of tools. Which would be impossible. Most of the class was spent taking things apart and putting them back together.

One by one, students filed in and took their seats while Zell finished his coffee and tried not to think about how on-point Irvine's advice was starting to seem. He was a walking snot rag. Maybe if he stopped being one, Selphie would stop showing up at his door bawling about stuff. Of course, most of the time, it was because of Irvine, so...

Well, that sort of proved Irvine's point while also disproving it. Zell never wanted to be the guy that made a girl feel so bad she cried. Then again, Selphie was wildly emotional, given to fits of over-the-top joy, followed by bouts of unexplained crying. And a lot of the time, her grievances with Irvine were over stupid things. So maybe that wasn't the best example.

Maybe he should start acting a little more like Squall and start saying "whatever" in response to everything. Zell wasn't into shoegazing, but that seemed to work for Squall. Maybe pretending to be quiet, contemplative, and closed-off would make him seem all dark and mysterious, too. Or he could borrow a page from Irvine and perfect a slow, sly grin full of suggestive mischief and start calling girls 'darlin'.' Maybe he'd practice both looks in the mirror later. Just for fun.

Seifer, Raijin and Fujin were the last ones in class, as usual. Every day, they sneaked in with seconds to spare, saving Zell the trouble of giving them detention for tardiness. Seifer flashed him a cocky grin as he took his seat at the back of the room, then propped his feet up on the desk, casual and easy as if he owned the place.

"Feet off the desk, Almasy," Zell said without looking up from his stack of papers. Seifer did this every single morning, just to get a rise out of him. And every single morning, he failed.

The heavy thud of Seifer's boots hitting the tile made Zell scowl, but he pretended not to notice and passed out the exams. For the most part, the class had done well. All but Seifer and Raijin had passed.

"The starter died in one of the vehicles last night," he told the class. "Almasy, Raijin, since it looks like you need a little extra practice, that's your assignment for the day. The rest of you will be continuing on with your radiator installations. Fujin, you're already done with yours, so you're on tool check-out duty today."

"AFFIRMATIVE," Fujin said.

"Teacher's pet, ya know?" Raijin said.

"Can chickens have pets?" Seifer wondered aloud.

"RAGE!"

Fujin grabbed her instruction manual and smacked Raijin with it, then hit Seifer over the head. Zell suppressed a laugh and said nothing. Normally, he wouldn't condone violence in his classroom, but he sort of enjoyed seeing Seifer get his so, he pretended like he didn't see it.

Zell would never tell anyone, but he'd disabled the starter in the vehicle himself, just to prove a point. Raijin may have legitimately failed his test, but Zell had a feeling Seifer had bombed on purpose. The best way to prove that theory was to make him do the work. If he successfully installed the starter without a problem, then he'd sabotaged himself. If he struggled, then he didn't have the aptitude for mechanics and didn't belong in Zell's intermediate class next semester. Both scenarios were a means to an end. Either way, he could divest himself of the pain in the ass.

Fujin on the other hand was a quick study. She'd aced her exam, had finished her project early and gave Zell little to no trouble in class. If anything, she kept Seifer in line. Zell hadn't known there was anyone on the planet who had that kind of power over Seifer, but Fujin could make Seifer shut his mouth with just a single look. It saved him the trouble of kicking Seifer out or giving him a detention.

"Get to it," Zell said.

"KEYS?" Fujin said as she approached the desk.

Zell tossed them to her. "Nice job on the exam. There's a spot open for you in my advanced class next semester if you're interested."

"VERY."

"Cool," Zell said. "I'll put you on the list."

"SEIFER. HELP?"

"You worry about the tools today, maybe help the others if they need it," Zell said. "Let Seifer and Raijin show me what they've got."

"AFFIRMATIVE."

Zell kind of liked that Fujin showed him respect where the other two didn't. It wasn't all the time, but she was less obnoxious than the other two. Especially when separated from them. Left to her own devices, Zell was willing to bet that Fujin was pretty cool.

He wandered the workspace, critiquing work from time to time, and eventually found himself checking up on Seifer and Raijin. Seifer was under the vehicle, cursing loudly at Raijin and there was power steering fluid dripping all over the floor.

Zell sighed and crouched down to look at Seifer. He feigned disappointment.

"You know, if you'd done this correctly, I was willing to give you both a passing grade on your exam," Zell said. "Such a shame. I guess you both fail."

Seifer rolled out from under the vehicle and threw down the wrench in his hand

"I could have fixed it, but this moron had to get in the way," Seifer said.

"Power steering has nothing to do with the starter," Zell said.

"I know that," Seifer growled. "What, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"You really want me to answer that?"

"I know how to do this," Seifer snapped.

"Based on your exam grade and that puddle, I'm inclined to believe otherwise," Zell said. "If you don't pass my class, you're going to have to take it again next semester."

"Bet you just love that, don't you?" Seifer asked bitterly.

"I don't want to have to see your face any more than you want to see mine," Zell promised.

"Don't mince your words or anything, Instructor," Seifer said.

"Why lie?" Zell asked. "It's the truth, isn't it?"

Seifer picked up his discarded wrench and cast an angry glance at Raijin.

"I can fix this goddamn truck if you get outta my face," Seifer said.

"If you can fix it," Zell said, "including the power steering, I'll give you a passing grade. But you're still behind on your radiator, and I'm not giving you extra time to finish."

It was clear that Seifer wanted to say something nasty, but for whatever reason, he held his tongue.

"I'll get it done," Seifer said and rolled himself back under the truck. "Now leave me alone."

* * *

When lunch rolled around, Zell headed to the cafeteria and was dismayed to find they were already out of hot dogs, even though they'd only been serving for five minutes. He sighed and ordered a burger instead and headed to his usual table. Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine were already there. Squall was noticeably absent and it was clear that Selphie and Irvine had made up, judging by the game of kissy-face going on on the other side of the table.

Zell sat down next to Rinoa, who smiled but looked weepy. Red-rimmed brown eyes looked back at him, tears ready to spill over at any moment. Zell let out a sigh and opened his arms without a word. Rinoa threw herself into them and instantly burst into tears.

Man, maybe Irvine was right. He  _was_  a walking snot rag.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Squall's being a meany," Rinoa cried. "A big mean meany!"

There wasn't much Zell could say to that, so he just let Rinoa cry while he tried to ignore the two lovebirds sucking face across from him. Which wasn't easy. Selphie was now in Irvine's lap and there was waaaay too much tongue happening over there. What the hell was Irvine doing, anyway? Trying to remove her tonsils? Sheesh. Zell was no expert at kissing, but he was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to involve what looked like licking, either.

"Get a room," he muttered.

He sort of wished he was the one playing tonsil hockey with some cute girl, though he wouldn't be doing it at the table for the whole world to see. That was just gross. Nor would he be doing... whatever it was they were doing.

He didn't bother to ask what Rinoa's problem was and spent half his lunch letting her sob into his uniform jacket. By the time she had calmed down enough to let him go, his food was cold and he suddenly didn't feel like eating.

Irvine was right, damn it. He was a doormat. A dumping ground for bad feelings. A human tissue. And that sucked.

* * *

Zell had an hour after lunch before his Advanced Martial Arts class started, so he hummed and hawed outside the library before he worked up the courage to go in. He took a few nervous swings at the air to cure his anxiety, took a deep breath and tried to think of a good excuse to talk to the library girl. Maybe he could ask for help finding a engine manual or something. He had all the ones he needed for his classes, but she didn't know that.

She was behind the desk when he entered, smiling broadly at a pony-tailed SeeD, and Zell almost turned around and walked out. He hated that guy. He was a cocky jerk without reason to be. From what Zell knew, the guy was average in every way and he barely worked because he didn't play well with others, and there weren't a lot of solo missions to go around. He was a wanna be Seifer, but not nearly as tough.

Zell poked through the bookshelves, pretending interest in the titles until the guy went away. The library girl came out from behind the desk and wandered over, smiling.

"You like romance novels?" she asked.

"What?" he asked, startled. "No. Why?"

"This is the romance section," she said with a little smile. "And you've been standing here for the last ten minutes."

Zell's cheeks blazed red as he realized that every single book on the shelf in front of him was some silly, girly romance thing that he wouldn't be caught dead reading.

"Oh, uh... yeah, sorta... distracted, I guess," he said. "I was looking for a couple manuals on turbine engines. For class."

The girl giggled.

"Those will be in non-fiction," she said. "With the other manuals."

"Oh, okay. Thanks," he said, feeling incredibly stupid.

He walked away, wishing he could kick himself in the head for being such a dork.

"Hey Zell?" she asked. "Can I ask you something?"

He turned around, cheeks on fire.

"Sure," he said.

She glanced around furtively and then grabbed his arm and pulled further down the aisle.

_She's going to ask me out! Yes! I am the MAN!_

"Um, so there's this guy who comes in here every day, and I think he kinda likes me, but I don't know how to ask," she said, blushing.

Zell started to get excited. He went to the library every day, and he kinda liked her.

_Yes! She likes me back. Yes, yes, yes! Take that, Irvine and all your stupid advice._

"You like him?"

She nodded, her cheeks turning a bright red. She cast her eyes shyly aside. Zell thought it was adorable how nervous she seemed.

"I keep hoping he'll ask me to the the fall social, but... he hasn't yet."

Zell blinked at her. Was that a hint? Was she fishing for an invitation?

"Oh..." he said. "Um, would you like to go with me?"

"What?" she asked, startled.

"To the social."

"Um, well I was, um, hoping you could give me some advice on how to ask him, but..."

It felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. The high he'd been riding for the last two minutes came crashing down on him, hard. Disappointment filled his chest and he wanted to run away, throw himself in his bed and cry at his own stupidity. Of course she wasn't interested in him.

"You didn't think I was talking about you, did you?" she asked.

"Psh, of course not. I was just being, um, gentlemanly," he said, trying to laugh it off. "You know, in case he was already taken or... something."

"Aww, that's so sweet of you," she said, breaking into a smile. She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him. "You're really nice, you know that?"

There it was again.  _Nice._  He was nice. It was like saying a hot dog was just _okay_ when everyone agreed they were awesome.

He was a hero, damn it! A deadly weapon! And, not that he was vain or anything, but he was pretty sure he was fairly good looking, too. Not to mention, he was jacked. One hundred and sixty pounds of solid muscle, not an ounce of fat in spite of his diet. He could wrestle a 400 pound juvenile T-Rexaur to the ground and not break a sweat, for Hyne's sake! And Selphie and Rinoa had both oohed and ahhed over his abs a few weeks ago and both had insisted on touching his stomach until Irvine and Squall got pissed about it and demanded they stop. That had to count for something. Right?

But no. He was just  _nice_.

"Um, yeah, that's me," he muttered. "Mr. Nice Guy."

"So what do you think?" she asked. "Would it be weird if I asked him first?"

He didn't want to be giving her advice on how to ask a guy out. If a girl walked up to him and asked him on a date, he'd jump at the chance. But Zell had never been the guy girls went nuts over.

"Not at all," he said. "You're... Awesome. He should consider himself lucky, and he'd be stupid to say no."

"You really think so?"

"Sure," he said. "By the way, I know this is gonna sound really dumb, since I talk to you like, every day, but... What's your name?"

She pointed to the name tag pinned to her SeeD uniform, leaving Zell feeling like a monumental idiot for never noticing before. Worse, was her smile of amusement as his cheeks turned red again.

"Angela," he said. "Pretty name."

"Thanks," she said "My friends call me Angie, though."

"Okay, Angie," Zell said with a nod. "Guess this means we're friends?"

"Friends," she agreed. "And... Thanks again for asking about the formal. That was really sweet of you."

"Yeah, no problem," he said.

But his heart broke as he watched her return to the desk and saw her smile at some other boy waiting at the counter.

* * *

Zell's afternoon was blessedly easy. He loved teaching martial arts, and he had a few students that were really good. Class was a breeze and in spite of the disappointment of being rejected, his spirits lifted as he took out his frustration on a practice dummy and grappled with students for the rest of the afternoon.

He was  _not_  nice. Not nice at all. His hands were deadly weapons. He could kill a man with a single blow. He was a badass and the top brawler out of 3 Gardens. He was not  _nice_!

By the time class was over, he'd gotten a fair amount of frustration out of his system, though he was still disappointed that Angie wanted to go to the social with some other dude. He went to dinner, found Rinoa was still upset with Squall, who was still not inclined to make an appearance. Zell gave her hugs and tried to cheer her up while Selphie and Irvine sniped at each other over a plate of nachos.

On his way back to his room, he found Angela sitting on a bench outside the dorms, crying quietly to herself. Every bit of advice Irvine had given him that morning bounced around his head, and he almost walked right on by. If she cried on him, he would permanently cement himself in the friend-zone. She would never look at him the way he wanted her to.

He had to be cold. Aloof. More Squall-like than Squall was himself.

But in the end, he couldn't just walk by and leave her to her tears. No. Because he was too  _nice_  for his own good, he sat down and let her bawl on his shoulder.

"He's already going with that girl that helps Dr. K in the mornings," Angie sobbed. "He made me feel really stupid for even asking."

"I'm sorry he's a jerk," Zell said. "His loss, not yours."

"Yeah, but he really made me think maybe he liked me," she sniffled. "Always flirting, coming in to see me... I really thought he would say yes."

_I like you. A lot._

"Why are guys such jerks?"

"I dunno," Zell said. "Friend of mine says girls like it when guys are jerks."

"Your friend is an idiot," she said. "No one wants to be treated like crap."

Zell snorted at that.

She sniffled again and wiped her eyes.

"I wish more guys were like you," she said. "No ulterior motives. No hot and cold garbage. Non-threatening. Sweet. Nice."

Non-threatening? That was one he hadn't heard before. He could KILL with his BARE HANDS! He could break her over his knee if he wanted to!

Not that he'd ever do that, but that wasn't the point.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I have girls lined up to go out with me," he muttered, feeling pathetic.

"I don't see why not. You're cute," she said. "Funny. Sweet."

He may have been all those things. And she may have been sitting there saying that those were things she wanted in a guy, but she wasn't jumping all over him, either. She was sitting there crying over some guy that wasn't interested when Zell would have given anything for her to like him the same way he liked her.

"Your invitation still stand?" she asked. "For the social?"

Zell didn't like being a second choice, or being the guy a girl settled for. He wanted to be the guy that the girl wanted, not the guy that stepped in when she got her heart broken. He wanted her to be excited about going out with him, not a last resort. But there he was, Mr. Nice Guy, unable to say no.

"Sure," he said. "If you want to."

"Just as friends, though," she said.

"Yeah. Sure. Friends."

* * *

Later, he sat in his room trying to put together a quiz for his Advanced Mechanics class, but he couldn't concentrate. Between the ideas knocking around in his head courtesy of Irvine Kinneas, and the sound of Instructor Aki having a loud disagreement with someone next door, Zell couldn't focus. When the disagreement escalated to the point where he could hear what was being said, Zell gathered his papers, stuck them in a messenger bag and headed to his classroom in the garage.

The light was on and the tool cabinet open. He was sure he'd locked it when class was over, but the door was wide open and several tools were missing. He scowled and dropped his bag in annoyance. He looked around the room, hoping they'd been used and then left behind. The desks were clear, but he heard a noise from the garage beyond and peeked out the window.

A pair of jean clad legs stuck out from under one of the vehicles and several tools were laid out on the ground next to the truck.

Seifer.

Zell was torn between giving him hell and letting him be, but the fact that he'd broken into the tool cabinet sort of pissed him off. He stepped into the garage and on light feet, made his way over to the delinquent gunblade specialist.

"If you wanted to work on this after hours, you should have asked," Zell said as loud as he could without yelling.

There was a clunk, followed by a groan of pain. Seifer rolled out from under the vehicle, clutching his forehead and scowled up at Zell. Zell smiled with satisfaction as he spied the reddish welt on Seifer's brow.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Seifer growled.

"Don't steal my shit," Zell snapped.

Seifer glared at him and sat up.

"I could give you a detention for this," Zell said.

"Yeah? Go ahead," Seifer said. "Don't give a crap."

Zell decided startling him was punishment enough and shrugged. Seifer was sort of making an effort, which was a surprise. Maybe he cared after all, so maybe this wasn't worth giving a detention over. Zell let it go and backed off.

"Make sure everything goes back when you're done," Zell said. "If anything's missing, I'll break your fingers."

"Are instructors supposed to threaten students?" Seifer asked.

"Are students supposed to break into classrooms?" Zell retorted. "Next time, ask for permission, dumbass."

Seifer saluted. "Anything else?"

"I'll be here for a bit, if you have questions."

"Don't stay for my benefit."

"Don't worry. I'm not."

Seifer dropped back down and slid himself back under the vehicle. Zell stood there for a moment, peeked into the engine compartment to make sure Seifer hadn't sabotaged something and then returned to the classroom when everything looked in order.

He spent the next two hours preparing his exam. Without the sound of a raving instructor Aki, he was better able to focus, and was even able to shut out thoughts about girls and dating and all the complexities they entailed.

When a power steering fluid and grease covered Seifer entered the room, pilfered tools in hand, Zell looked up and watched him replace every last one in silence. Satisfied, Zell sat back and crossed his arms.

"How's it coming?"

"Done," Seifer said. "Check it."

Zell got up and went to the garage, lifted a set of keys from the peg board and started the vehicle. The engine roared to life without hesitation and he nodded at Seifer through the windshield. He pressed his foot on the brake, put the vehicle in neutral and gave the steering wheel a couple of good, hard yanks. The steering responded the way it was supposed to, so he shut the engine off and got out.

He leaned against the door and crossed his arms, looking Seifer over. The guy looked worn out. Zell had never really given him so much as a second look since he's been back, but Zell noticed now that Seifer was thinner and there were dark circles under his eyes as if he wasn't sleeping. Well, if anyone deserved to have a few sleepless nights, it was Seifer.

"You bomb that exam on purpose, or do you just suck at taking tests?"

Seifer shrugged. He hadn't bothered to heal the welt on his forehead, and it was now showing a dark purple bruise underneath the redness of swelling.

"Suck at tests, I guess."

"Really. It wouldn't be because you wanted to make it look like I was a lousy instructor or anything," Zell said.

"The fuck would I do that for?"

"No secret you hate my guts," Zell said. "So it wouldn't be a stretch to believe you were trying to make me look bad."

"Yeah, because I spend my time trying to figure out ways to make your life suck."

Zell wouldn't have been surprised if that was true, but something about the way Seifer said it gave Zell pause. Bitter. Tired. Toneless. But not angry. 

"I don't need to plot ways to make you look bad," Seifer said. "You do that on your own."

Zell's fists clenched at his sides. Suddenly, Irvine's words came back to him. Too nice.  _Doormat_. Well screw that.

"Good job, Seifer," Zell said. "You just earned yourself a detention. Now get the fuck out of my classroom."

Seething, Zell returned to his room to find a weeping Selphie waiting for him. Though it was a bit early for her to show up bawling, it was still rather late in the evening, and Zell was in no mood for theatrics. He'd had enough of crying for the day, and he was not at all interested in a repeat of the previous night. He vowed, the next time he let a girl in his bed, it wouldn't be because she was bawling her eyes out.

"Irvineissuchabuttheadandihatehimihatehimihatehim!" Selphie wailed the second she laid eyes on Zell. "Allhewantsfrommeissexanditsucksbecausethereshouldbemoretoarelationshipthanthat!"

Zell put a hand over his eyes, and scowled. He was done with this. Done being nice, done being walked on, done being the guy everyone wanted to cry on. He couldn't take it anymore. As Selphie latched onto him and boo-hooed into his shirt, something in Zell snapped.

"Then go tell him that," Zell growled. "Tell him you hate him! Break up with him! I don't care!"

Selphie stopped crying in an instant and stared at Zell, wide eyed with shock.

"What?"

"I'm so tired of being the guy you come to when you're upset!" Zell said. "Is that all I am to you?!"

Dumbfounded, Selphie's eyes welled up with tears again. Zell didn't even care that he'd hurt her feelings. No one seemed to care about his feelings, so why should he bother?

"...um..."

"I've got stuff going on too, you know, but do you care about that? No! You don't!" Zell bellowed. "Nobody even cares how I'm feeling, nobody asks if I'm doing okay. Am I even your friend? Or just a shoulder to cry on because no one else will put up with this bullshit?"

Selphie's bottom lip trembled and she reached out for him again, but he pushed her away, furious in a way he hadn't been since Seifer had replaced his homework with photocopies of pornography and he'd been hauled into Cid's office to explain it.

"I'm tired of it! Sick and tired and I can't stand it anymore! Go cry on Irvine! Or Squall! Go talk to a goddamn  _wall_ , for all I care, just leave me the fuck alone!"

Selphie burst into tears and slumped down to the floor, sobbing into her hands.

"You're being so mean!" she wailed.

"Get used to it," Zell snapped. "I'm done being nice to people. No more Mr. Nice Guy! You hear me? No more! So stop bringing your problems to me. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it!"

He opened the door and stepped inside, so angry he wanted to destroy something. He was shaking, sweating and close to tears. He shut the door, dropped face first to the bed and tried to ignore the way Selphie was wailing in the hall.


	2. Balamb Singles Mingle

"He was so mean!" Selphie moaned. "Like really, really mean!"

Rinoa placed a mug of tea in front of her sobbing friend. Selphie helped herself to the sugar bowl, heaped six or seven scoops into the tea, stirred, and then added two more. It was on the tip of Rinoa's tongue to say something, but she didn't want Selphie to renew her wretched sobbing. Squall was trying to work in the other room, it was late, and Rinoa really wanted to go to bed. But Selphie was upset. And when Selphie was upset, everyone was upset.

"I can't imagine Zell being mean," Rinoa said, taking a seat. "He's always so nice."

"He was MEAN!" Selphie shrieked. "Like Squall mean and Seifer mean all rolled into one."

Rinoa just couldn't imagine Zell being mean to anyone but Seifer. And these days, now that Zell was Seifer's instructor, their altercations were few and far between. Seifer was keeping his head down and Zell was taking his instructor position seriously.

"Did he say why?"

"Dunno. Just something about having his own stuff and how he was sick of us crying all over him all the time."

Rinoa felt bad. She'd cried on him twice, but he hadn't seemed upset about it. He'd hugged her and let her cry on his shoulder without complaint. It made her wonder if Selphie had done something to set him off. It wasn't hard to imagine. After all, Selphie didn't know the meaning of boundaries.

"He didn't say what his own stuff was?"

"Irvine thinks it's about a girl," Selphie sniffled. "Because girls don't want to date him or something, they just want to be his friend."

"Oh," Rinoa said. Now she really felt bad. Last week, she'd said something about him being like a brother. Had that hurt his feelings? She hoped not. She'd meant it as a compliment. "Poor thing. I wish we could do something to make him feel better."

Rinoa wanted to go to his room and give him a great big hug. It sounded like he needed one. But she also knew, when Zell was upset, it was best just to leave him alone until he calmed down. He had a tendency to get even more worked up when people tried to talk to him when he was upset. She decided to give him a day or two to cool off and then take him out for ice cream or something.

"If it really is about girls, maybe we should help him," Selphie said.

Rinoa didn't like the look on Selphie's face. Rinoa knew that look. It said Selphie was scheming and whatever she was about to come up with was probably a really, really bad idea.

"Help him find a girlfriend?" Rinoa asked skeptically. "I don't know..."

"Yes!" Selphie cried as though Rinoa had agreed with her. "Let's start with an online dating profile! I've heard really good stuff about BalambSinglesMingle, so we'll just set him up an account and see what happens!"

"Selphie, I don't think that's such a good idea..." Rinoa said. "I mean, it's lying, isn't it? Pretending to be someone else? And anyway, how would we get Zell to meet people without it seeming weird?"

"We'll just pretend to be him for a while, and then, if it seems like the girl is pretty cool, we'll arrange a blind date and tell Zell everything we learned so he doesn't go into it not knowing anything," Selphie said. "Easy."

Rinoa frowned. She wasn't comfortable pretending to be Zell. Even if it was a nice idea, she didn't like lying to people, and she didn't like the idea of tricking Zell into going on dates. A lot could go wrong, and they might wind up with Zell even more angry than he already was.

"Let's just give it a try, okay?" Selphie said. "I mean, we don't have to go through with it if she doesn't meet our standards, right?"

"What are our standards?" Rinoa asked, curious. "What kind of girl are we looking for? I mean, what would Zell want?"

"Well, she has to be smart," Selphie said, tears forgotten.

"So...no spelling or grammatical errors in her messages," Rinoa said, only half joking. Zell was a reader. He would notice stuff like that and Rinoa was sure that he wouldn't want to date a girl who couldn't spell.

"Sure, that too," Selphie said with a shrug. "And... she has to be funny and sweet and like martial arts and stuff. And be okay with tattoos."

"And she absolutely  _must_ love hot dogs," Rinoa said, reluctantly getting into the spirit. Selphie was right. It couldn't hurt to see what was out there. They were under no obligation to make a date happen. What was the harm? If nothing panned out, Zell would never have to know.

"Yeah! Hey, that's the perfect title for his profile!" Selphie cried. "Where's your lap top? We need to get started on this while our creative juices are flowing."

Selphie didn't wait for Rinoa to retrieve the lap top from its bag. Selphie made a grab for it and immediately started rooting around in it, pulled the laptop out and as soon as it booted, called up a website. Rinoa watched, curious as Selphie typed frantically, filling out the basic details.

"How tall is he?" Selphie asked.

"I don't know," Rinoa said. "Taller than me, but shorter than Squall."

"So, um... maybe 5'4"?" Selphie said.

Rinoa shrugged. Judging a person's height was not something she was particularly skilled at. Basically, someone was either taller or shorter than herself.

"Weight?" Selphie asked.

"Not a clue," Rinoa said. "I mean, he's not that tall but he's all muscle. Muscle weighs a lot, doesn't it?"

"Hmm...so...like, 200?"

"I don't think he weighs that much," Rinoa said doubtfully. "Squall only weighs 175."

"Yeah, but he's not all muscular and stuff. I'm gonna put 200," Selphie said decisively. "We can come back and change it if we find out any different."

Rinoa frowned. Squall was definitely muscular, just not bulky and he hid it under layers of clothing. Too many layers of clothing for Rinoa's liking, but then again, she was the only one who got to see what was underneath and she didn't mind that at all. If Selphie had any clue what Squall looked like without his shirt off, she would force him to strip so she could drool.

"Okaaaay," Rinoa said. "So what next?"

"Now..." Selphie said, "There's a bunch of questions. I'm just gonna answer whatever. I don't think these matter that much."

"Well, what kind of questions are they?" Rinoa asked, scooting closer to see Selphie rapidly clicking through, selecting at random.

"Silly stuff," Selphie said. "Don't worry about it. Nobody reads that part."

"How do you know?" Rinoa asked.

"I helped set Nida up a couple months ago," Selphie said.

"Has he had any luck?" Rinoa asked doubtfully.

"He's got more dates than he can handle," Selphie said. "I made him a total stud."

Rinoa bit her lip and watched Selphie select answers at random. That couldn't be good. Rinoa was pretty sure, if they asked the questions in the first place, there must have been some point to them. Maybe blazing through them wasn't such a good idea but she held her tongue. There was no point in arguing with Selphie about anything. She would either get mad, or she would cry, or both. It was far too late to deal with either.

Selphie was now typing furiously, fingers flying over the keyboard. Rinoa leaned over her shoulder to read the text that would attract Zell a potential girlfriend.

_**Must Love Hotdogs** _

_User: Hotdog0317_

_Height: 5'4"_

_Weight: 200_

_Body Type: RIPPED!_

_Hair/Eyes: Blonde/Blue_

_Profession: Badass_

_**About Me:** _

_I am super-awesome, sweet, funny, kind, and I look great with my shirt off! No, seriously. I have the abs of a Centran God. You WILL want to touch them. And I'll let you, because I'm a great big sweetie and I can't get enough of ladies fondling my tummy! Totally makes my day!_

_Ummm...what else? Oh. Yeah. I give great hugs, I have the best friends in the world, and I can (literally) sweep you off your feet. I'm also really good at fixing stuff!_

_**What I'm Looking For:** _

_A girlfriend. Long-term dating. I'm ready to get serious and I am totally marriage material. I prefer brunettes, because brunettes are awesome, but blondes are okay too._

_No red-heads or super-short skirts or really big boobs._

_I have lots of friends who are girls, so you can't be the selfish, jealous type because my lady friends will totally not be down with that. Otherwise, prepare to shop till you drop because they love, love, love shopping!_

_My ideal girlfriend is smart, sweet, likes to read, loves receiving hugs, likes to cuddle, and enjoys outdoor activities such as T-boarding, going to the beach, martial arts and random monster battles._

_**Stuff I Like:** _

_Hotdogs, T-boards, reading, shopping with my girls, the beach, martial arts, engines, cars, giving HUGS, working on my awesome muscles, tattoos._

_**Quickest Way To Get My Attention:** _

_Smell like a hotdog, offer me a hotdog or challenge me to a hotdog eating contest._

_**Things People Notice About Me:** _

_My Muscles. My pretty blue eyes. Face tattoo. Gravity defying hair._

_**First Date:** _

_We'll go out for hotdogs and beer!_

"Selphie..." Rinoa began, but she was at a complete loss as to where to begin. "Hot dog is two words."

"No it isn't. It's a compound."

"It's two words," Rinoa said.

"No, it ISN'T," Selphie said.

"Yes it is," Rinoa said.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Selphie said, indignant.

"Uh, yes I do," Rinoa said, reaching over to put a space between hot and dog.

Selphie immediately erased it. "Leave it alone! It's  _one word_."

"Fine," Rinoa said, throwing up her hands. "This is silly anyway."

"No it isn't," Selphie said. "Friends helping out friends is never silly."

The earnestness in Selphie's voice made Rinoa agree, though not without reservation. She bit her lip as Selphie pushed the submit button and Zell's profile went live.

"Oh," Selphie said, face screwing up. "It's asking for a picture."

"Um, I really think we should ask his permission if we're going to put up a picture," Rinoa said.

"Relax, we'll just use, like, a blurry one or like, just part of his face, like his eye," Selphie said. "He's got pretty eyes."

"Yeah, but..."

"Will you chill?" Selphie asked. "It'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong?"

* * *

There was a chicken on Zell's desk when he walked into his classroom the next morning. Not a fake one. Not a stuffed animal, but a real, live chicken. He froze in the doorway and glanced around the empty classroom for any sign of Seifer and saw nothing. On the desk, the chicken clucked softly, turning it's head to the side to look at him.

He knew Seifer had to be somewhere, watching. Seifer wouldn't pull a stunt like this and not stick around to see Zell's reaction. So Zell went about his business as if nothing was amiss, though inside he was seething. Stupid Seifer and his stupid nickname and moronic idea of a joke.

Zell had gotten his breakfast to go, having no desire to face his friends after his meltdown on Selphie and he tossed a bite of his toast on the desk for the bird. The chicken flapped it's wings in an excited flurry and pecked at Zell's offering with enthusiasm.

"Humh," Zell grunted at it and pulled on his coveralls. "Kinda cute, aren't you?"

The chicken clucked at him and eyed the remainder of Zell's breakfast. Zell tossed it another piece and took a swig of his coffee, staring at the bird. What was so funny about chickens, anyway? Sure, they were pretty stupid, but there were worse things in the world to be besides. Sandworms were pretty nasty. And so were pain in the ass gunbladers who thought they didn't have to follow rules.

Well. Seifer would not get a rise out of him. Not today, because Zell Dincht was  _not_  a doormat.

Students began to file in one by one. Some were startled and confused by the presence of the docile bird on the desk. Others laughed openly. The girls thought it was cute.

Seifer's face was smug when he walked in thirty seconds from the bell, his cohorts trailing behind him. He sat down at the back of the class and propped his feet up on the desk.

"Feet off the desk, Almasy," Zell said without batting an eye.

Like every, single morning that semester, Seifer's boots hit the floor with a thunk. This morning, however, Seifer was grinning at him, looking very, very pleased with himself.

"Um, Instructor?" a blonde cadet asked, raising her hand.

"Yes, Cadet Wilson?"

"Why is there a chicken on your desk?"

"You might want to ask Cadet Almasy," Zell said.

"Isn't there a saying about birds of a feather?" Seifer asked casually.

Zell tossed his last bit of bread at the chicken and brushed the crumbs from his hands. From the back, Seifer smirked. Zell wanted to punch him. Instead, he shrugged and reached over to stroke the chicken's back, refusing to allow Seifer to rattle him.

"Um, so... is this part of today's class?" Cadet Wilson asked. "Should I be taking notes?"

Zell had to force himself not to roll his eyes. He was fairly patient with most of his students, but even he had his limits on stupidity. He just wasn't sure which was more stupid. The chicken on the desk or the girl asking dumb questions.

"No," Zell said with exaggerated patience. "You don't need to worry about the chicken."

"Can we name it, then?" Cadet Wilson asked.

"Knock yourself out," Zell said.

On the desk, the chicken pecked at his notes in search of more bread.

"Wuss!" Raijin called out, hiding his mouth behind a hand as though no one would know it was him.

"Zelda!" A girl called out.

"Ratchet!"

"SEIFER." Fujin said.

"I like that," Zell said. "I think we'll go with Fujin's idea."

"Your are not naming that damned thing after me," Seifer growled.

"It's my chicken," Zell said, smug. "I can name it anything I want. Isn't that right, little Seify-wifey?"

Zell gave the chicken a little pat to make his point. The chicken clucked and pecked at his watch.

Fujin snorted back her laughter, but Raijin let out a loud guffaw, slapping his leg in amusement.

"You are so dead," Seifer growled at Fujin.

Zell just grinned back at him, triumphant.

After class was over, Zell sat down at his desk and leaned back in his chair, palm to his face.

On the desk, Seifer the Chicken pecked at the pencil cup because it was shiny.

* * *

"Oh, look!" Selphie cried, showing Rinoa her laptop at lunch later that day. "We got a message!"

_**Sexylady356:**  Hi. I like your profile, ya know? Would you like to chat?_

"Oooh! She's pretty!" Selphie said, clicking on the profile of Sexylady357.

"Likes parties, outdoor activities, camping..." Rinoa read off. "She didn't list books."

"So what?" Selphie asked. "Is that like, a deal breaker?"

"Well, no, but it would be nice if they had something in common," Rinoa said with a shrug. "Books are good conversation starters."

"Yeah, if you're dull and boring," Selphie said with an eye-roll.

"Zell likes to read," Rinoa said. "Zell is not good at small talk with girls who are not us. He needs SOMETHING to to talk about on the date."

"Zell likes camping and parties and stuff," Selphie said.

"She also likes beer pong."

"What's wrong with beer pong?" Selphie asked.

"What isn't?" Rinoa replied. "Message her back."

_**hotdog0317:** HI there! I'd love to chat!_

"Ask her if she likes to read," Rinoa insisted.

"Fine," Selphie said, rolling her eyes.

_**Hotdog0317:**  Read any good books lately?_

_**Sexylady357:**  Just finished "How Not To Date Losers On The Internet."_

Rinoa frowned at the screen. Selphie did too and started to type furiously.

_**Hotdog0317:**  Is that a REAL book, or are you just messing with me?_

_**Sexylady357:** Loser._

_**Hotdog0317:**_ _Hey, don't be mean_!

_**Sexylady357:**  Just being honest, ya know?_

Rinoa's frown deepened and she pushed Selphie out of the way and began to type.

_**Hotdog0317:** Stop trolling, Raijin! I KNOW that's you. I'm gonna tell Seifer. I wonder what he'd think of you catfishing dudes online!_

Sexylady357 abruptly logged off.

"Um," Rinoa said sitting back. "Maybe this is a bad idea, Seffie."

"Not it isn't!" Selphie said. "It's a great idea. You just have to wade through the weirdos and trolls before you find the unicorn!"

"The... unicorn?"

"That special person," Selphie said, rolling her eyes like it was supposed to be obvious. "The perfect person for Zell. Like, mythically, impossibly great and perfect and stuff."

"Yeah, that doesn't exist," Rinoa said. "No one's perfect."

"Oh, please!" Selphie said. "Of course it exists."

"Name one person that fits that description," Rinoa said, even though she already knew Selphie's answer.

"Irvy!"

Irvine was not perfect. Not even close. He wasn't a bad guy, just sort of a dirty pervert at inappropriate times, but otherwise he was a lot of fun. But perfect? Noooooo.

Of course, Rinoa didn't voice this opinion. She would rather not be screamed at this early in the day and only after one cup of coffee. Scratch that. She'd rather not be screamed at, period.

"What are you two doing?" Squall asked without looking up from the newspaper he was reading.

"Just messing around," Selphie said.

Squall peered at them over the edge of the paper. To any one else, it would appear that Squall was not interested. To anyone but Rinoa, but she knew him and she knew the subtle signs behind his cool, expressionless face. He didn't believe Selphie. In fact, he thought she was up to something.

And he was right. They were up to something. A something that was starting to feel like a really, horrible idea.

"Ooh! Another message!"

"Fishwife69," Rinoa read aloud. "Oh, she is not pretty."

"Hey, she could be a very nice lady, you know."

"She could be, but she's also 50 and looks 70," Rinoa pointed out. "A little too old."

"I wanna read the message anyway," Selphie said.

"NO, don't click on it! I don't want to see!" Rinoa cried.

She covered her eyes a bit too late. Fishwife69 had a dozen or so pictures, all of herself in a string bikini, revealing miles and miles of wrinkled, leathery skin. She might have been an attractive woman at some point if not for the obvious evidence that she smoked a couple packs of cigarettes a day and spent far too much time in the sun.

"I like how confident she is," Selphie said.

"She's smoking in every picture, Seffie," Rinoa said. "That's a deal breaker."

"We all have to make compromises, Rinoa," Selphie said with exaggerated patience. "I mean, whoever he ends up with is going to have to be proficient in the Heimlich maneuver. Choking on food once a week isn't exactly an attractive quality, you know."

Selphie was exaggerating. Zell had choked from eating too fast exactly twice that Rinoa could remember and both times had been after he'd acquired a plate of hot dogs following a shortage. It wasn't like it was a daily or even weekly occurrence.

"Speaking of which, I'm gonna add that to his profile," Selphie said. "After I message Miss Fishwife69 back."

"Add what?"

"Are you not paying attention?" Selphie asked. "The Heimlich Maneuver!"

Rinoa closed her eyes and shook her head.

"For the record, this is a really bad idea."

* * *

For the next three days, Zell kept a low profile. He went to his classes but skipped out on meals with the group. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone, so he ordered his meals ahead of time, picked them up as soon as breakfast was served and ate cold sandwiches either in his dorm with his new pet chicken, or his classroom. He avoided the library too, unable to deal with his disappointment at getting pigeon-holed in the friend category by Angie.

No one bothered him. No one came by to see if he was alright, and that hurt his feelings. A lot. Selphie, he could understand, since he'd yelled at her, but Quistis or Rinoa or Irvine should have come by or something, just to check in, right? Especially Irvine, since it was his advice that had gotten him all riled up in the first place.

Well, whatever. There was a new Dincht in town. He wasn't going to let it bother him. If they didn't want to hang out, it was their loss. He didn't want to hang with them anyway.

Except, now he was bored. Like, really, really bored. With no one to talk to except the chicken, and nothing to do, he was starting to feel edgy. And it was a Friday night. There was always something going on Friday. If he didn't go somewhere with Irvine, Squall was usually up for a game of Triple Triad if Rinoa wasn't forcing him to take her out to dinner or something. But no one had come by. No one had bothered, and that hurt.

"Bunch of fair-weather friends," Zell said to the chicken.

The chicken clucked, ruffled its feathers and pooped on the desk. Zell sighed, cleaned up the mess and vowed to find a new home for the stupid bird. He briefly considered returning the chicken to his rightful owner, but breaking into a student's room was probably a bad idea, even if it would be satisfying to leave the bird in Seifer's shower.

Out in the hall, Instructor Aki was raving again. His loud, booming voice kept intruding on Zell's sulking. He couldn't concentrate on feeling sorry for himself with all that noise going on. Then he wondered why he was feeling sorry for himself at all. He was an adult. He could make his own plans.

He didn't really feel like doing anything though. Instead of getting up from his desk and finding something to do, he reached for his headphones and switched on some loud, aggressive and angry music, flopped on his bed and closed his eyes. It successfully drowned out all the noise Aki was making, but it didn't shut down all the hard feelings toward his friends. If anything it made it worse because now he wanted to hit something.

There was a knock on his door, loud enough to cut through the music and he sat up, called an impatient, "Come in," and slipped the headphones down around his neck.

Quistis stepped into the room, cautious, as if she expected a physical attack, and if not, at the very least, a verbal thrashing. Zell wanted to let her have it. Not because she'd really done anything wrong, but because she was there and because she'd waited so long to look in on him.

"Need something?" he asked flatly as she stepped further inside.

Her eyes immediately went to the chicken on the desk. It was busy pecking the corners off a piece of scratch paper.

"Why is there a chicken in your room?" Quistis asked, baffled.

"Seifer's idea of a joke," Zell said. "Don't worry. I'll probably take it to Ma's tomorrow."

"Want me to talk to him?"

"Seifer?" Zell asked. "I got it handled. What do you need?"

Zell was careful to keep his tone cool and disinterested as he took a seat at the desk. He didn't want Quistis thinking she was forgiven. Even if she was the least responsible for his mood, she'd still kept her distance and Zell knew Quistis knew about how he'd flipped on Selphie.

"Just checking in. I haven't seen you in days," she said. "Is everything okay?"

"...fine," Zell said, doing his very best to channel Squall.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms tightly over his chest as Quistis took a seat on his bed. She had that 'concerned mom' look on her face and it only darkened his mood more.

"Selphie told me you got upset with her."

Zell shrugged, unwilling to discuss it with Quistis. His beef wasn't with her. Of the three, she was the least needy, though the team-mom act was getting a bit old. He wasn't a kid and she wasn't his mother.

"Are you still going shopping with us tomorrow?"

"I hate shopping."

Quistis blinked at him, taken aback by his abrupt tone.

"You always seem to enjoy it."

"Yeah, because I like hanging out with my friends," Zell said. "I go because I want to spend time with you guys, not because I have some burning desire to watch you three try on clothes all day."

Quistis smothered a smile with her hand. Zell scowled at her.

"You know what I mean," he said. "Anyway, I've got plans."

His plans consisted of spending the majority of his day in the garage's metal shop fixing a mangled front end on one of the vehicles. One of the cadets had sideswiped a guard rail during driver's ed, and Xu had asked him to lend a hand after the repair shop in town had told her it would take a week. For lack of anything better to do, he said he'd take care of it. Not that he minded so much. It would take his mind off things.

"Well, would you like to come with me and Xu to the movies tonight?" she asked. "'Be Still My Heart' is playing."

"That's a chick flick."

"So?"

"I'm not a girl," Zell snapped, "and I'm sick of being treated like one."

Quistis' eyes went wide. "What is with you?"

"Nothing is with me."

He leaned further back in his chair, both put out and regretful for being a jerk. It was on the tip of his tongue to apologize, but the chair tipped backwards and before he could regain his balance, he was sent sprawling ass over elbow. His head hit the desk and the wall before he came to rest in a heap on the floor.

He sat up, clutching his head, feeling monumentally stupid. Here he was, trying to be a hardass and had wound up looking like a clumsy kid.

"Are you okay?" Quistis asked. She crouched beside him, peering at his forehead with concern.

"...fine," he muttered.

The throb in his head was nothing compared to his wounded pride.

_Way to be tough, Dincht. Great job._

"Will you please tell me what's wrong?" Quistis asked after a moment.

"Nothing's wrong, Quistis," he said. "I just want to be alone."

Her eyes searched his face and he nearly caved under her worried and almost hurt expression at his tone.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll leave you alone. But if you want to talk, you know where to find me."

"Yeah," he said.

Quistis leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. Zell's cheeks flamed, but not because he sort-of liked it. It was just the icing on the cake. A kiss on the cheek like he was some cute little kid. All it did was piss him off.

As soon as she was gone, Zell got up, punched the wall and instantly regretted it. He felt something in his index finger break and he cursed himself, kicked the dresser and regretted that when he realized a moment too late that he wasn't wearing shoes. He hopped around on one foot, clutching his injured toe with his uninjured hand, broken hand clutched to his chest until he reached the closet and retrieved a potion.

Wounds healed, Zell paced his room. He needed to get out of there. He needed to do something. He was going stir-crazy, stewing all by himself. The training center was the ideal place to blow off some steam, but he really didn't feel like getting covered in Grat guts. Maybe a run might help, but he didn't really want to do that, either.

He glanced at the clock. 7:30. Whatever plans the rest of his so-called friends had apparently didn't include him. Well, fine. He'd find something to do on his own.

He changed out of his uniform and put on a pair of jeans and a nice, dark blue button-down shirt, rolled up the sleeves and left it untucked. In the bathroom, he reached for his hair gel to give his bangs a touch up but Irvine's words came back to him. He frowned at his reflection for a second, turning his head side to side as he inspected his hair.

"Nothing to lose, right?" Zell asked himself.

He grabbed his shampoo, turned on the sink and rinsed every last bit of gel out. Then he got out the blow drier, dried his hair and looked at his reflection. Long, sandy blonde strands fell over his face, looking flat and weird. Well, it was worth a try. Maybe some cute girl would want to run her fingers through it. He could only hope, right? And in the meantime, he could drop by Ma's and solve the problem of the chicken in his room.

Keys in hand and the chicken under his arm, he headed out, only to encounter a raving Instructor Aki in the hallway. Aki had a book in his hand and was loudly reciting ancient Centran poetry. Zell had only taken two years of Centran, but he knew enough to tell the man was butchering the language. Zell ducked his head as he passed the other instructor, hoping to avoid confrontation, but Aki saw him anyway.

"Dincht!" Aki bellowed. "Stop where you are."

Zell turned around and stared at the man. The elderly instructor sometimes forgot that he was no longer a cadet, and he still treated him like one. It aggravated him to no end, but he tolerated it out of respect for Aki's seniority.

"Yeah?"

"Animals are not permitted in the dorms."

"Yeah, I know. Taking care of it."

"Make sure you do."

Zell resumed walking, but Aki called for him to stop. Again, Zell turned around to face him, annoyed the man didn't seem to get he was on his way out.

"What?"

"Three nights this week, I was awoken by the sound of a sobbing woman coming through the wall. I'll be reporting you to the Commander."

Great. Just what he needed. One more thing he could be pissed at Selphie about.

"From now on, I expect you to keep your nocturnal visitors to a minimum. And _quiet._ "

Never mind that the man raved all day long, speaking at top volume as though he wanted to be sure everyone in the hall could hear him. Never mind that the man was roaming the hall reciting poetry that no one could understand but everyone could hear.

"I apologize," Zell said. "Won't happen again."

"I should expect not," Aki said. "And tuck your shirt in."

"Yes sir," Zell said.

He turned on his heel and walked away, not bothering to tuck his shirt in.

* * *

"Raijin, what are you doing?" Seifer asked.

From his place on the bed, Seifer could see his two friends peering at the screen Seifer's his lap top with interest. Fujin let out a gleeful giggle as Raijin typed something into the key board. It looked like they were on a dating website.

"TROLLING."

"It's fun, ya know?" Raijin said. "Set up a fake dating profile and mess with people, ya know?"

"That's stupid," Seifer said, flipping the pages of his magazine.

"Oh, no way!" Raijin cried. "It's Nida, ya know?"

Normally, Seifer would not be interested, nor would he give a single crap about a dating website or who was on it. Except he knew Nida. Not well, but he knew him and he knew the dude was average in every way, totally boring and had not only mastered the art of brown-nosing but seemed to have his head shoved so far up Xu's ass, it would take a surgeon and a winch to remove it. Hearing that the guy had a dating profile was sort of amusing and Seifer sat up to peer over Fujin's shoulder at the screen.

A quick scan through the information told Seifer the guy thought he was far cooler than he actually was. He described himself as a war hero, skilled in all areas of combat, a premier pilot and an instrumental member of Garden's operations team. As far as Seifer knew, the guy hadn't even lifted his weapon during the war, nor was he particularly skilled at anything other than knowing how to suck up.

"What are you writing?" Seifer asked.

"MESSAGE."

Before she could send it, a message from another user popped up on the screen.

_**Hotdog0317** : Hiya! Love your profile pic. How are you tonight?_

Fujin started typing a response.

_**Piratebabe99** : Thanks. Doing well, thanks for asking. You?_

"Fujin, this is stupid," Seifer said. "Let's go do something."

"WAIT."

_**Hotdog0317** : Do you like hotdogs?_

_**Piratebabe99** : Why, yes, I LOVE them._

"Seriously, this is stupid."

_**Hotdog0317** : Awesome! They're like, my favorite food ever._

_**Piratebabe99** : You don't say._

Seifer snorted and got up. He pulled on his boots.

"Fujin, turn that shit off and let's go," Seifer said. "I'm bored."

"GO."

"Fine. If you wanna spend your Friday night talking to losers, be my guest," Seifer said.

"Where ya headed?" Raijin asked.

"Town, probably," Seifer said.

"We're not supposed to leave, ya know? We don't have passes."

"So what?" Seifer asked. "It's not like they're actually going to kick me out."

He knew that for sure. If he got caught, he'd probably get a lecture from Cid and Quistis about how disappointed they were. Leonhart couldn't be bothered, which suited Seifer fine, but Xu would yell at him for a while and he might wind up with a detention or two. But it wasn't like they'd do anything to him.

He'd tried, oh how he'd tried in the beginning to get himself thrown out, but the truth was, he had nowhere else to go, and everyone knew it. These days, he was more or less resigned to his fate, given the alternative was a prison cell in D-District. Garden was a different sort of prison, but at least here he was free to do as he pleased most of the time. Sure, he had to attend classes, and the new Disciplinary Committee watched him like they expected him to start a riot, and technically, he was restricted to the grounds, but that didn't stop him from doing what he wanted. So long as he didn't set the place on fire or incite a student rebellion, they left him alone.

Fujin cackled at something on screen and typed a response, prompting Seifer to roll his eyes. He figured they'd realize he was serious about heading out and tag along, but neither seemed interested in following. Seifer frowned and crossed his arms.

"Go do that in your own room if you're not coming with," Seifer said.

"Yo, I think this is Dincht," Raijin said. "He like, keeps talking about hot dogs, ya know?"

Seifer didn't even spare the computer a glance this time. In truth, he didn't care.

"Get out," Seifer said.

"I'm serious, man."

"I meant out of my room," Seifer said. He reached for his keys. "You can play with the dateless losers somewhere else."

"BAR?" Fujin asked.

"Where else?" Seifer said. "You coming?"

"AFIRMATIVE."

"Then get your ass in gear. I'm leaving in five."

"CAR?"

"Figured we'd walk," Seifer said. "Cid might give me a pass on sneaking out, but I doubt he'd be cool with me boosting a vehicle."

"I'll go too, ya know?" Raijin said and closed the lap top.

It was a nice night and the walk was refreshing. For Seifer, the thrill of sneaking out was intensified by the fresh air and the wide open space around him. Even Raijin and Fujin's bickering was less irritating due to the sense of freedom he got from being out unsupervised. For the first time in weeks, he relaxed and let the balmy night air lift his spirits.

In town, they walked along the boardwalk eating fish and chips from paper cones while Seifer kept his eye out for anyone from Garden who might tell on him. He preferred to keep his head down, and though he was breaking the rules by being out, he didn't wish to spend the next week in the MD lock up if he could avoid it.

"Shit. Quistis. And Xu, ya know?" Raijin said.

Seifer glanced around to see the two women dressed in civilian clothes waiting in line at the theater. He quickly ducked into an alley and tugged his two cohorts along with him. The last thing he needed was Trepe or Xu on his case, so they waited it out until the two disappeared into the lobby.

"Where to?" Raijin asked.

"I need a drink."

* * *

In Balamb, Zell parked at his Ma's house and popped in to say hello. With the chicken under his arm, he entered the house, calling out to her, though he knew she was in the kitchen. She grinned from ear to ear when she saw him and Zell offered her the bird. She accepted it with a bit of confusion but set it lose in the back yard just the same.

"I was just about to have dinner," Ma said. "Join me?"

Zell didn't have the heart to refuse. He sat down to a plate of fried fish, boiled potatoes and green beans cooked in ham and savored every bite while Ma gossiped about the neighbors.

"You should come to brunch on Sunday. I'm having Rascal and his mother over to welcome her niece to town," Ma said. "She's your age. Very pretty. Sweet. Smart."

It was on the tip of his tongue to say no. Though he wanted a girlfriend, he didn't exactly want his Ma to set him up with one. Then again, it couldn't hurt. Maybe he could test Irvine's theory on her. He'd be cool and aloof. Quiet and mysterious. Except, Ma would probably haul out all the embarrassing photos and tell embarrassing stories about him, ruining any and all chances of coming off as the cool, aloof mystery guy.

"Maybe," he said. "I usually do lesson planning on Sundays."

"Oh, fooey," Ma said. "Stop making excuses."

Zell was taken aback. So much so that he couldn't come up with a reply.

"It's high time you started dating, Zell," Ma said. "Can't be a bachelor forever."

"I'm eighteen!" Zell said, indignant. "A little young to settle down and get married, don't you think?"

"Well of course it is," Ma said. "And you've grown up a lot in the last year. I'd just like some grandkids before I die."

"Ma!" Zell said. "I'm eighteen."

"Exactly," Ma said. "And it's time you start acting like you are. Life isn't all about work, you know. Have some fun. Sew some oats."

Zell choked on that and held up a hand. He was not going to discuss oat-sewing or anything like it with his Ma. What did she expect him to do? Go pick up some girl and get her pregnant to satisfy her insatiable need for grandkids? He couldn't even get a date, for Hyne's sake!

"Okay, I'm done with this conversation," Zell said.

He got up, rinsed his plate and gave Ma a kiss on the cheek.

"Gotta go," he told her. "Love you."

He walked to the nearest bar, stewing over the thought of his mother pushing him to settle down. He couldn't even get a girl to kiss him. Not to mention, he was only eighteen and settling down, getting married and having kids was a long way off as far as he was concerned. He needed a girl who was interested first, and at the moment, that felt like an insurmountable task.

The bar was a seedy place near the harbor, but frequented by the local youth as well as several retired fishermen that could be found there any night of the week. No frills, nothing special, just a bar with a battered pool table and cheap drinks. It was his go-to spot since he'd turned eighteen, and several of his friends from town frequented the place for the inexpensive but admittedly low quality booze.

Inside, a couple guys he'd grown up with were already there. Tavarus and Tamir were identical twins, but could be told apart by the scar on Tamir's chin. Zell had accidentally given it to him during a long ago mid-air collision on their respective t-boards.

"S'up?" Zell said as he approached the two.

"Dincht!" Tavarus greeted. "We were just talking about you. Haven't seen you in a minute. What's going on?"

"Not much, just working."

"You here by yourself?"

"Yup. So what are you guys up to?"

"Oh, you know. Friday night in boring Balamb."

"I hear you," Zell said.

A waitress came by and Zell ordered a beer. He chatted with his old friends and was joined by two more. They caught him up on the gossip and happenings around town. Who was dating, who had broken up. Which one had wound up working the docks or leaving town for Deling City. Zell realized, it must have been months since he'd seen these guys and was torn between missing their childhood together and being unable to relate. Most of them had never left the island. They hadn't seen the world or the horrors of war and they didn't know what it was like to take a life or have to struggle day in and day out to survive. The worst thing that had ever happened to Balamb was the Galbadian occupation, and while that had been bad, it had been brief and only a handful of people had been harmed.

Still, it felt good to switch things up. Rather than a night suffering through Squall's long silences and Irvine's extrapolations on all the virtues of firearms, Selphie or women in general, he welcomed the opportunity to be what he was: an eighteen year old hanging out with his friends. He drank his beer, laughed, played a game of pool with Tamir, drank more beer and had an unusually good time. Without all the pressure of Garden looming over him, and with a few drinks in him, he felt lighter and less weighed down.

At their table, Tavarus elbowed him and pointed toward a pair of girls at the bar.

"Remember Darla?" Tavarus asked.

Darla was a girl they'd played with when they were little, but her family had moved to Dollet for a while. Zell had heard she was back, but he hadn't seen her since they were about twelve. Darla had been a tomboyish bully, slightly bucktoothed and a head full of unruly auburn curls that as a kid, Zell had always compared to his Ma's tangled collection of gift ribbon. Now, though, any and all signs of that tomboy were gone. In her place was a pretty girl with beautiful curls that shimmered under the light, long lean legs and a skirt short enough to rival Selphie's shortest.

Zell let out a low whistle as he eyed the girl he had once made (and ate) mudpies with.

"She was dating this older guy, but they broke up about a month ago," Tavarus informed him. "And by the looks of it, she ain't all that broken up over it, either."

Presently, Darla was flirting with a cowboy hat clad patron at the bar and Zell narrowed his eyes in suspicion as the patron flirted right back.

Irvine.

When did he sneak in? And why hadn't he bothered to say hello? Or invite him along?

Zell was suddenly pissed. He grabbed his beer off the table and approached Irvine and Darla, on a mission to remind Irvine that he had a girlfriend.

"Remember me?" Zell asked, insinuating himself into the conversation and subsequently giving Irvine a firm brush off.

"Zell?" Darla asked. "Oh, my GOD! Look at you! You're so grown up!"

"Yeah, you too," he said. "You look great. How you been?"

"Good. Moved back a couple months ago," she said.

Now was his chance. He wasn't particularly interested in Darla, but he figured he could try his skills out nonetheless. Even if they had a history together, it had been long ago enough that he didn't think it was a big deal.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked.

"Sure! A Balamb Breeze?"

Zell turned toward the bar and ordered her drink and another for himself, pointedly ignoring Irvine as he paid. When he handed Darla the drink, she eyed him with speculation.

"You look so different," she said. "I hear you're a SeeD now."

"Yup," he said, puffing out his chest a little. "I teach martial arts."

Darla grinned. "I remember you pretending you were a Kung Fu master when you were little."

"Not pretend anymore," he said, flashing her a crooked grin back. 

She reached out and wrapped a hand around his bicep. Her eyes widened.

"Wow."

Zell's grin broadened. Suddenly an arm dropped around his shoulder and he looked up to see Irvine.

"This guy right here is the baddest, toughest hand-to-hand fighter in all the world, darlin'."

Zell's grin fell away and he scowled at Irvine for interrupting.

"Stay away from this guy. He has a girlfriend."

"You two know each other?"

"Saved the world together, sweetheart," Irvine said with an easy smile. "We go way back."

"Oh, yeah. I heard you fought some crazy Sorceress," Darla said. "From the future?"

"We certainly did," Irvine supplied, cutting Zell off before he could give a more humble reply. "Kicked her ass all over Time Compression."

Zell shrugged Irvine's arm off and stepped in front of him.

"I'm actually over there with Tavarus and Tamir," Zell said, lifting his drink toward their table. "Wanna join us?"

Darla flicked her eyes back and forth between Irvine and Zell as if undecided about which one she wanted to hang out with.

"I'm actually waiting for a friend. I said I'd meet her at the bar," she said.

"Wait with us until she gets here," Zell suggested.

"Oh, that's okay. I'll be fine," she said, and then betrayed herself when her eyes slid back to Irvine.

It was tough for Zell to keep the frown off his face.

"Cool," he lied. "If you change your mind, we're right over there. It was good seeing you."

"I'm sure I'll see you around," she said.

Though he hadn't been all that interested, her rejection still hurt. As he walked away, a glance over his shoulder reveled Darla shoulder-to-shoulder with Irvine at the bar, sipping her drink as she listened to whatever line of bullshit Irvine was feeding her.

* * *

Seifer had a good, solid buzz going when he saw Xu and Quistis enter the bar. Mentally, he kicked himself for staying too long and he looked around for Raijin and Fujin to signal that it was time to split. They were nowhere to be seen.

Neither woman had spotted him, so he ducked down the hallway where the restrooms were and went out the back door. Raijin and Fujin could fend for themselves, though it looked as if they'd already left. As he made his exit, he glanced over his shoulder to make sure neither Xu or Quistis had seen him.

That proved to be a mistake. He tripped over something on the step and went sprawling. His chin hit the pavement hard enough to make him bite the inside of his cheek and he let out a curse of pain and irritation as he sat up.

Irritation turned to amusement as he spied Dincht slumped over on the steps, obviously very, very drunk. He was conscious, but barely.

"Whaddare you doin' here?" Zell slurred. "Shpost to be locked up."

"When have I ever done what I was told?" Seifer asked. "What are you doing here? I'm pretty sure this behavior is unbecoming of an instructor."

"Pshhh."

"What the matter? Your friends ditch you?"

"Shut up," Zell said. "Came on my own. I don't have friends."

Seifer got to his feet and brushed the dirt off his pants. He needed an escape plan. Though Zell was drunk enough to probably not remember this encounter in the morning, he didn't want to take that chance. Though Garden Instructors and SeeDs were not prohibiting from drinking, he knew being this drunk in public was a no-no. A plan began to form in Seifer's mind. One that would get them both off the hook if they were found out.

"Well," Seifer said. "What are we going to do about this?"

"'bout what?"

"I can't have you telling on me," Seifer said. "And I bet you can't afford to have anyone find out you were drunk and disorderly out in public."

"Don't give a shit what you do. I'm goin' t'sleep."

"Right here?" Seifer asked.

"Yup."

Zell's eyes fluttered closed and he slumped over against the top step. Seifer heaved a sigh and hoisted Zell to his feet. Zell swung on him, one hard fist catching Seifer in the side. Seifer grunted but didn't let go of the drunken martial artist, who was having a hell of a time trying to stay verticaal.

"M'not a doormat!" Zell said. "Lemmie go."

"Shut it, chicken-face."

"I AM NOT A CHICKEN!"

Zell's hard shove sent Seifer sprawling. Drunk or not, the idiot was seriously strong for his size. It had been a while since he'd had a good brawl with the kid, and Seifer had totally forgotten how strong he actually was. He landed on his ass and looked up at Zell, who was swaying from side to side, unable to stay still.

"All y'all thinkin' you know me," Zell accused. "Sick of it. M'not nice. Hate that word...HATE IT!"

"Who are you trying to convince?" Seifer asked as he got up. "And why do you think I give a shit?"

"And you..."

"What about me?"

"Pshhh. Hate you."

"Feeling's mutual," Seifer said. "Now, let's get the hell out of here before someone sees us. You drive here?"

"Didn't walk."

"Where's your car."

"Like I'd tell you," Zell said, sticking his finger in Seifer's face. "An' besides, you're drunk."

Zell swayed and plopped on the step again, his face in his hands. Seifer dragged him back to his feet, and Zell leaned heavily against his side.

"And you're not?"

"I can handle my drunk! Better 'n you."

Seifer snorted. "If you say so. How much did you have, anyway?"

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" Zell shouted.

"Angry aren't we?" Seifer said. "What do you have to be angry about, Dincht? You're a fucking hero. Everybody loves you."

"Psh. Can't even get a girl to kissh me."

"Could be the fact that you stink of hot dog," Seifer said.

"Least I don't smell like evil and brimstone."

Seifer grinned to himself as he guided Zell down the alley toward the street. As much as he hated normal Zell, he almost liked drunken Zell. Drunk Zell was hilarious. But that might have been because Seifer was a little drunk himself.

"Which way is your house?" Seifer asked.

"You're not goin' t' my house."

"You gonna get there on your own?"

"Damn right! It's  _my_  house and you're not welcome."

"Guess I'll have to take you back in the bar, then," Seifer said. "And let Quistis and Xu deal with you."

"Noooo," Zell said. "That would be...not good."

"Exactly. I'm doing you a favor," Seifer said. "I take you home, get you sobered up and you drive us back to Garden. If I'm with you, nobody's gonna ask questions. Get it?"

Instead of answering, Zell turned pale and vomited all over Seifer's shoes.


	3. Swindled

"What the hell are you doing in my room?"

Zell glared over at the man on the floor with distaste. Seifer sat with his back against a book case, one of Zell's sketchbooks open in his lap. Zell had about a thousand questions, such as how he'd gotten here, and what had happened the night before, but most of all, he wanted to know why Seifer was in his house, flipping through Zell's personal belongings like they were his own.

Seifer stretched lazily and yawned, pointedly ignoring Zell's question. Zell frowned and sat up.

"Almasy, I asked you a question," Zell said. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Seifer's mouth hitched up into a sneer then into a knowing grin.

"You don't remember getting so wasted you were prepared to sleep in an alley?"

"What?" Zell croaked, surprised. "When did that happen?"

"Right before I dragged your drunk ass home so Trepe wouldn't see you shitfaced in public."

The last thing Zell remembered, he was dancing with some girl on vacation from Trabia. He wracked his brain, but nothing after that was clear or even made much sense.

Now he was faced with an even more pressing question.

"You brought me home?"

Seifer's satisfied smile made Zell's hands involuntarily curl into fists. Funny how even now, just the sound of Seifer's voice could put Zell on defense.

"You're welcome," Seifer said with another lazy stretch. "Now you owe me a favor."

"I didn't ask you to do that," Zell snapped. "I owe you nothing, considering all the crap you did to me growing up. Not to mention, the chicken."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Seifer said. "And frankly, I don't care."

"Don't try to deny it," Zell said.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His heels landed on the carpet with a thunk and the sudden motion made his head spin. He felt kinda sick. How much had he had to drink last night?

"Deny what?"

"The chicken. On my desk."

"Wasn't me," Seifer said. "If I were so inclined to leave you a... gift, I'd be a little more creative than that."

"No one else but you would think it was funny."

"Not true," Seifer said. He flipped a page of the sketchbook and stared at it for a minute. "There are plenty of people who find your resemblance to a chicken humorous. I am merely one of many."

Zell threw off the blankets and shot to his feet. He ignored the way the room tilted a little as though he was still a little drunk.

"I don't look like a chicken!"

Seifer casually turned a page in Zell's sketchbook and ran his finger over what he saw. It really irked Zell that Seifer thought he could just put his mitts all over Zell's things like he belonged there. Zell didn't even let his good friends touch his stuff, especially not his sketchbooks. Those were private. Like a diary, but with drawings instead of words. Having Seifer look at them so casually was somehow worse than the time Selphie had started opening drawers and found his Kung-Fu Hotdog character boxer shorts.

"Put that back," Zell growled. "Don't touch my stuff."

Seifer turned another page.

"These aren't bad," Seifer said. He almost sounded impressed. "Can't even draw a stick figure myself."

"Put. It. Back."

Zell's fists balled up at his sides and he glared down at Seifer, ready to rearrange his oh-so smug face. .

"Touchy this morning, aren't we?"

Seifer closed the sketchbook and put it back on the shelf. He crossed his arms and looked up at Zell, unperturbed by Zell's silent threat of violence.

"Here's the deal," Seifer said. "I got you home safe last night, convinced your Ma you weren't drunk, just suffering from a bad case of food poisoning, and put your drunk, belligerent ass to bed. You have quite the vocabulary, by the way. Taught me a few new phrases."

"And?"

"I particularly enjoyed _teabag bandit_ , l _eg-humping vomit jockey_ and _scrotum amputee_ , though I'm not sure what _piss biscuit_ means."

Zell didn't remember saying any of that. He couldn't remember ever saying those particular phrases. Then again, when they were kids, Tavarus and Tamir used to put random words together to come up with ridiculous but hilarious phrases and insults. Had they played a drunken adult version, thus adding new and bizarre profanity to Zell's repertoire?

This was all moot. It didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that Almasy was still sitting on his bedroom floor and showed no interest in leaving.

"Get to the point," Zell growled. "Or I'll show you what it means."

Zell didn't know what it meant any more than Seifer did, but it sounded good. Nice and mean and full of gravel from spending an evening yelling, inhaling second-hand smoke, and apparently, chugging alcohol.

Seifer held up a finger and smirked.

"I also successfully avoided getting you busted by Xu and Quistis."

"You mean you successfully avoiding getting yourself busted."

"All I ask in return is a ride home and an excuse if anyone asks questions."

"Psh! You must be joking."

"I'm not."

"If you expect me to lie for you, you're gonna have to throw down a little incentive," Zell said, crossing his arms. "I have absolutely no reason in the world to lie for you."

"Sure you do. You hit me. I don't think the administration would like hearing one of their instructors got violently wasted and tried to attack a student."

"You have no proof."

Seifer pulled up the hem of his shirt to reveal a nasty bruise the size of a dinner plate on his side.

"I don't know anyone who hits hard enough to leave a bruise like this, even after a potion, besides you. I bet Cid and Squall don't either."

Zell gaped at the bruise and sat back down. Seifer had him cornered. Still, Zell was determined to not give in and be nice just because he was being coerced.

"Quit with the name calling and stupid chicken jokes and I'll consider it."

"And if I don't?"

"Have a nice walk back to Garden," Zell said. He reached for his shoes. "I'm pretty sure Squall's got a cell down in MD already waiting for you."

Seifer frowned. "Be reasonable."

Zell snorted and laced his high tops.

"Reasonable? I'd say asking to stop with the stupid, childish name-calling is pretty reasonable."

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"I'll stop with the name calling."

"From now on, you will only refer to me as Instructor Dincht."

The look on Seifer was one of abject pain. Like it physically hurt him to agree to this. Like refraining from any sort of name-calling caused him extreme discomfort. Zell didn't think Seifer was going to agree, but it was fun to watch him squirm for a change.

"...fine."

"Fine what?"

"Instructor Dincht."

"That's better," Zell said. He grabbed his car keys and got up. "Let's come up with a cover story."

 

* * *

 

 **fishwife69** : Thx for the pix. Your hot.

 **Hotdog0317** : Aww, that's sweet. Thanks.

 **Fishwife69** : we should meat. Want to find out if you're are real.

Selphie giggled and bounced in her seat, excited that she'd gotten one that was really interested in meeting Zell. Sure, fishwife69 was a little older than Selphie's ideal for Zell, but playing the field didn't hurt. Who know? Maybe Zell liked them older.

She frowned as she realized she didn't really know what Zell's type was. She knew about his crush on Angie, but one crush didn't define a whole preference. And in her experience, crushes tended to be on the ideal and imagined version of a person, not the actual person themselves.

But this was good. Fishwife was definitely interested.

 **Hotdog0317** : Would you be interested in a double date? My best good friends are going out to the fish camp tonight for fried shrimp and beer. Would you like to join us?

 **fishwife69** : It would be more funner if we meat alone if you know what I mean, but I guess a double would be fun, to. Can't say no too free shrimp and beer!

"Booyaka!" Selphie shouted at the computer screen. "It's a date."

 **hotdog0317** : Awesome! I'll meet you at the front door, say around 7? You know what I look like, but my friend Irvine will be wearing a big cowboy hat and his super cute and gorgeous girlfriend will be wearing bright yellow.

 **Fishwife69** : I'll be there sweetheart. Maybe i forget too ware a certain article of clothing. Wanna guess what it is hot stuff? Or would you like too wait and find out later?

Selphie's eyes widened and she bit her lip in confusion. Why would anyone go on a date not fully dressed? Selphie shrugged and started to type a response but a second one popped up before she could finish her reply.

 **Fishwife69** : I'll let you think about it. Think real hard on it. :)

 **hotdog0317** : Sure! By the way, what's your name?

 **Fishwife69** : Olga

 **hotdog0317** : I'm Zell. Can't wait to meet you!

 **Fishwife69** : Your not Maureen Dincht's boy are you?

Uh-oh. Selphie wasn't sure if she wanted to answer that question or not.

 **Hotdog0317** : Okay, see you at 7, Olga. Buhbye!

Selphie logged off the computer an stretched, still pondering what article of clothing Olga might fail to wear, but she couldn't come up with anything that made sense. A weird, bad feeling about this settled in the pit of her stomach, but she shook it off and jumped to her feet. She had things to do. First, she had to convince Irvine they were going to dinner, and second, she had to convince Zell that he was going with them and that he was going on a blind date.

That had all sounded a lot easier in her head, but Zell was still pretty angry with her. She hadn't expected him to be so angry or for so long. Usually, he got over stuff pretty quickly, but he'd barely acknowledged her for the last few days.

"IRVINE!" she shouted. "IRVINE, WE'RE GOING TO DINNER TONIGHT!"

Irvine's mumbled response from the bedroom was unintelligible. Selphie bounded over to the bedroom door and peeked in to see her boyfriend sprawled face-down across the entire bed wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. She frowned and stormed over to the bed and gave him a violent shake.

"WAKE UP!"

"Mhhmfpt."

"IT'S TEN AM, IRVINE!"

"Hyne have mercy, Seffie," he groaned. "Do you have to yell?"

Selphie narrowed her eyes. "If you don't get out of this bed in the next minute, yelling won't be the only thing you have to worry about."

"C'mon," he complained. "I had a late night."

"Not my fault," she said. "What kept you so late, anyway? The Junk Shop closes at ten."

"...flat tire," he said.

"LIAR!" she shouted. "You're a terrible, awful liar, Irvine Kinneas. You were out with that cafeteria skank, wern't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

He looked genuinely confused. So maybe he wasn't out with Little Miss Big Boobs, but he was up to something. She could tell.

"Where were you really?"

"Fine," he said and rolled over. "If you must know, I was at the bar."

"WHAT?!"

"Let me finish," he said. "I was for a good cause."

"And what kind of good cause happens at a bar, hmmm?"

"I was teaching Zell how to pick up girls, okay?" Irvine said. "The boy is in pathetic shape. He needed a little guidance and a solid wing man. How could I say no?"

"I thought he wasn't talking to you either," Selphie said suspiciously. "Yesterday, you told me he walked right by without even saying hello!"

"Yeah, he did," Irvine said. "And then I figured out the reason he was so pissed is because you girls cry all over him like he's one of your girlfriends, which is totally emasculating, by the way. So I helped him out."

He propped himself up on his elbows and grinned that slow, easy grin that always made her melt. Selphie wanted to stay angry and suspicious, but when he looked at her like that, it was hard to stay mad.

"So what were you saying about dinner?"

 

* * *

 

In the end, Seifer and Zell didn't even need a cover story. Seifer's absence had gone unnoticed, thanks to Raijin and Fujin's lie about Seifer being in the training center. The training center grounds were vast and it would have been difficult to locate anyone without a thorough search of the place. They parted ways at the cafeteria without so much as a word.

Zell didn't believe for a second that Seifer would stop calling him names, but he figured, even if he got two weeks of peace out of the deal, he'd be happy. In the cafeteria, he ordered a sandwich and a drink and headed to the garage to work on the vehicle the cadet had mangled. He ate as he walked and was finished by the time he got to his classroom.

It was blessedly quiet in the garage, and Zell spent the next two hours tearing apart the front end so he could fix the bumper and the mangled quarter panel. Normally, he would have blasted some music but the lingering effects of too much booze left him with a slight headache, even after chasing his morning coffee with a potion.

Zell's focus was such that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him until the visitor was upon him.

"HELP?"

Zell dropped his wrench and jumped in surprise at the sound of Fujin's loud bark. He peered up at her, relieved to see Seifer wasn't with her. He'd had enough of Seifer for a lifetime.

"I'm almost done," Zell said.

He really wasn't, and Fujin knew it. She eyed the crumpled metal on the floor and the bumper and shook her head.

"PROUD."

"Naw," Zell said. "I just had a rough night. Prefer to take out my frustrations where no one can see me."

"AFIRMATIVE."

Zell thought Fujin might go away then, but she didn't. She produced a cup of coffee from behind her back and handed it to him. He blinked at her in confusion.

"DRINK."

Zell's first instinct was to refuse. His second was to run away screaming. Hyne knew what she'd done to the coffee, or what Seifer had done. He imagined a thousand different and increasingly disgusting things that might be in there besides coffee. Spit. Bugs. Meal worms. Fertilizer. Urine. Poison. Things that were even worse than that.

"CLEAN," Fujin said with exaggerated patience.

"Seifer didn't take a crap in it did he?"

Fujin's eye narrowed. "NO."

"Sorry," Zell said as he took the cup from her. "You know I had to ask."

"OFFENDED."

Shit. He hadn't meant to offend her, but hell, over the years, Zell distinctly recalled in the midst of every Seifer-related torment Fujin had been there in the background, laughing.

"Sorry," he said again. He lifted the cup. As a show of trust, he took a sip. It wasn't bad, but he braced himself for laughter and heckling, just in case. None came. "Thanks Fujin."

Fujin crouched down and inspected the twisted bumper with some interest while Zell took another sip of the coffee.

"FIX."

"I'm getting there," Zell said.

"HELP."

"You don't have to do that, Fuu," Zell said. "I got it."

A stubborn look crossed her face as she picked the bumper up and carried it to the worktable. Zell sighed. Well, if she insisted, Zell wasn't opposed to the idea, though why Fujin would rather be here helping than hanging out with the other two idiots, Zell didn't know. At least she was good at this stuff. It wasn't like Raijin was offering to help.

Zell shrugged and returned to his work. Fujin didn't say a word as she worked and neither did Zell. After a while, Zell realized he actually didn't mind Fujin being there as much as he thought he would. It wasn't like she was chatty, so there were no stupid questions or attempts to make conversation. It was like being alone but having an extra pair of hands to get the work done.

It was mid-afternoon by the time Zell had all the dents worked out of the quarter panel and the part re-installed. Fujin had done a pretty good job un-mangling the bumper and Zell stood back to survey the work. It actually looked better than what the garage in town probably would have done.

"Not bad," he said.

"TEAMWORK."

Zell held out his fist. Fujin bumped it with a grin and crossed her arms, looking unusually pleased. This wasn't the look she got when a particular torment had the desired impact on the victim. It was pride. Zell's wary hostility kicked down a notch and he grinned back at her.

"Thanks for the help," he said.

"WELCOME."

"Well, I think we're done here," he said. "I'm gonna clean up and grab some food."

"AFIRMATIVE."

Zell hadn't meant it as an invite, but Fujin followed behind him and joined him in the line at the counter in the cafeteria. It was Zell's lucky day. Not only did they have hot dogs, they had a lot of them. Zell ordered five, doused them in all the toppings, grabbed a few extra mustard packets and looked around the cafeteria for a seat. He spotted his friends at the usual table, but he still didn't feel like talking to them. Selphie spied him and instead of waving her over as usual, she turned her face away and whispered something to Irvine.

Humph. Whatever. He could eat by himself.

He chose a table near the back and was surprised when Fujin slid into the chair across from him with her own tray laden with hot dogs. He could feel the stares on his back from his usual table, but he didn't dare turn around. Instead, he took a big bite of his first hot dog in weeks and moaned happily.

"FIGHTING?"

"What?" he asked through a mouthful of bread.

"FRIENDS."

"Oh, yeah, well..." he shrugged. He didn't feel like talking about it. "Just sort of... Not feeling it lately."

"STARING."

"They can stare all they want," Zell fired back. "I don't care. Buncha traitors..."

Fujin blinked at him and offered what could have been a smile of understanding or maybe she had a stomach cramp. Zell wasn't really sure.

"DISAGREEMENT?"

"Sorta," Zell said. He set down the hot dog in his hand. "I just get so sick of being the guy they come to when they have problems. I mean, I don't mind it most of the time because they're my friends and all, but damn. It's all the time, Fuu. It's just really getting to me lately. I got stuff too, you know?"

"SAME."

"Is that why you're hanging out with me instead of Seifer?"

Fujin gave him a curt nod and took a bite of hot dog. Zell frowned at her and leaned his chin on the palm of his hand. He'd always figured the three of them were inseparable, but he had noticed in class that Fujin seemed less than thrilled at times to be associated with those two, especially when they were being idiots.

"CHILDISH," Fujin said. She cleared her throat.

"Yeah, I feel you," Zell said.

There were a lot of people who didn't understand Fujin's barking, single word statements. Zell used to be one of those people. He'd found it scary and sort of aggressive, but now that he paid attention, he could usually figure out her meaning by her body language and expression.

What he didn't understand was why the they were sharing like this. They'd never been friendly, never moved in the same circles and had never had anything in common until now. Zell's memories of her mostly consisted of either hiding from her, running from her or being held down by her so Seifer could pour chocolate pudding down his shorts.

Zell scowled at that memory and pushed away his tray, suddenly without an appetite. How had things suddenly become such a mess? He didn't like feeling angry about stuff, and he didn't like being angry at his friends. Yet he couldn't make himself get up and go join them at their table. Maybe he was being childish for holding a grudge, but an apology from anyone, particularly Selphie would have gone a long, long way.

A low, deep chuckle to his left made Zell look up and instantly scowl. Seifer stood there, an expression of amused confusion on his face as his eyes flicked back and forth between Zell and Fujin.

"This is interesting," Seifer said. "I've been looking all over the goddamn Garden for you, Fuu and I find you consorting with the enemy."

"DISMISSED," Fujin said without bothering to look in Seifer's direction.

"What the hell?" Seifer complained. "What did I do to you?"

"MUSTARD," Fujin barked at Zell and held out her hand.

Zell suddenly felt like he was a kid again as he handed Fujin his spare mustard packet, fearing that if he didn't surrender the last of his mustard, he would earn a swift kick in the shin. Or worse.

"Seriously, Fuu, whatever I did to piss you off isn't worth hanging out with chicken-head to get back at me," Seifer said. "You're only hurting yourself."

"Hey, I thought you agreed to stop calling me names!"

"I did," Seifer said. "And I fulfilled my end of the bargain."

"You just called me chicken head," Zell said.

"So I did. We didn't agree on how long the truce would last. Five minutes seemed fair," Seifer said and returned his attention to Fujin. "Come on, Fuu. Knock off the passive-aggressive bullshit and let's go."

"RAGE!" Fujin shouted and shot to her feet.

Faster than Zell could intervene, Fujin's foot collided with Seifer's shin like a viper strike. Seifer let out a howl and a curse and his hand snaked out to seize the collar of Fujin's shirt. Zell, who never would have gotten in the middle of a posse brawl before, cracked his knuckles and got to his feet. He reached out and wrapped a hand around Seifer's wrist and pried it away from Fujin.

"Leave her alone," Zell said in his coldest, deadliest voice. "Unless you'd like me to snap your wrist."

Seifer snarled but released Fujin before he turned his eyes on Zell.

"It's not your business chicken face," Seifer said. "Stay out of it."

Zell snorted but didn't release Seifer's wrist.

"She told you to go away. You didn't," Zell said. "That's harassment, and that makes it my business. So, move along before you wind up down in MD with the rats."

For nearly a full minute, Zell and Seifer glared hatred at one another. Zell half expected Seifer to tackle him to the ground and go for the wedgie like he used to.

"Well, aren't you just a knight in shining armor," Seifer said. "Fine, Fuu. If you'd rather hang out and compare feathers, be my guest."

Zell released him and watched as Seifer visibly collected himself. He turned away, but not before spitting out the word, "Traitor," as he left.

Fujin sat slowly, her eyes fixed to the table. Zell returned to his spot, a little stunned by what he'd just participated in.

"You okay?" he finally asked.

"AFIRMATIVE," Fujin said.

"What was that about?"

"You really want to know?" Fujin asked, dropping her voice low. Zell was stunned to hear her speaking in full sentences.

"Sure," Zell said. "Look, why don't we get some ice cream and go somewhere where we're not being stared at?"

They went to the Quad, where only a handful of students were enjoying the nice day. Most were studying or gathered in small groups, and only one or two dared to give them more than a curious glance. Zell didn't know why he cared about Fujin's problems when he had plenty of his own to worry about, but he did.

"So what did he do?" Zell finally asked.

"It's just a lot of little things," she said. Her normal speaking voice was soft and sort of raspy. "He acts like I don't have feelings. Like I'm just one of the guys. Tells me all his problems and worries and doubts, but the second I have them, I'm just being stupid or overreacting and nothing compares to the mess inside his head."

It wasn't all that different than what Zell was dealing with. Especially with Selphie. Zell felt an unexpected empathy and kinship with Fujin that he never expected to feel. It was weird. And a little unsettling.

"But, mostly it's because they stranded me at the bar last night. He talks about how we've got each other's back but when it comes down to it, the only back Seifer watches is his own," Fujin said. "I tried to call him ten times and he never picked up. I had to walk back. Alone."

"Man, that sucks," Zell said. "I know you can take care of yourself, but a girl alone at night in that part of town...that stinks."

"Hmm," she agreed. "I get that he's going through stuff, but..."

"Aren't we all?" Zell asked and took a bite of his ice cream. "Everybody's got stuff. It's not an excuse to be a dick to everyone..."

A soon as the words came out of Zell's mouth, he felt really bad about the way he'd been acting. Yes, Selphie was a pain in the ass. And yes, Irvine was a creep. And no one had come to talk to him but Quistis, but maybe that was because he was acting like a great big baby instead of handling it like an adult.

Zell sighed to himself and decided he needed to be the one to extend an olive branch, at the very least to Quistis. She hadn't deserved to be treated the way he'd treated her.

"He never used to be like that. He had my back, no matter what. I compromised everything I had going to follow him because I believed that he believed it was right," Fujin said. "I don't know if I can do that anymore and I feel like shit about it. I know better than anyone what she did to him, and I know how messed up he is. But, I want different things. Better things, and he's content to just bitch and complain and keep being a mess because it's easier than trying to be better."

She took a bite of her ice cream and stared out at the mountains.

"And I really want to stick with him,," she said. "He's just... I get tired of trying to fix him. He doesn't want my help. He doesn't want to change or grow up, and I can't force him to."

It struck Zell how strange this was as he finished off the last of his ice cream. The fact that Fujin was confessing all of this to him and the fact that he was actually listening was something that would not have happened before. Zell didn't even mind it. It was a distraction from his own worries.

"He might be here because he has no other option, but I actually want to become a SeeD and do something with myself. The three of us got a second chance and I don't want to waste it..." she said. "I'm not playing around this time. We don't have any other options. This is it, and I need this, even if he doesn't."

"I can tell," Zell said. He nudged her arm with his elbow gently. "You're my best student, you know. I probably shouldn't say that, but it's the truth."

Fujin finally looked at him and Zell saw an unexpected vulnerability hiding behind her surprise.

"Thanks," she said. "I needed to hear that."

"I wish I could tell you it'll get better," Zell said. "I'm sorta in the same boat, though. Maybe it's just part of growing up. The things you wanted a year ago seem kinda dumb, you know? You look back and it's like... I'm not that person anymore and we're all going in different directions. I always thought friendships were forever, but if they're purely one sided, what's the point, right? You gotta look after yourself first," Zell paused. "...does that sound selfish?"

Fujin shook her head. "Not at all."

Zell felt like he had to clarify something all of a sudden.

"Look, I mean, I'd do anything for them," Zell said. "If Selphie came to me right now and said Ultimecia was trying to take over her brain, I'd stand up and fight for her, even though it's always about her. I would, in a heartbeat, it's just that..."

"Yeah," Fujin agreed. "I feel the same way."

Zell hadn't expected a conversation with Fujin would make him feel better, but it did. It was kind of nice to talk to someone on the same page, in the same place as he was. At least he wasn't over reacting as much as he thought maybe he was. He still needed to apologize to Quistis, though. The rest, well, whatever, but he felt really bad about being rude to her.

"Thanks for talking to me," Fujin said. "And, for letting me get that off my chest."

"Any time, Fuu," Zell said. "Hope you guys work things out."

"It is what it is," Fujin said. She pushed away from the rail and offered a half smile. "Good luck with your stuff."

"Yeah," he said. "See you in class."

Zell watched her leave and spent the next ten minutes composing his apology to Quistis in his head. Nothing sounded right, but he supposed an awkward apology was better than letting her think he was mad at her.

As he left the Quad, Angie approached him looking shame-faced and Zell braced himself for bad news. The look on her face told him everything he needed to know.

"Um, about the social..." she began.

"Let me guess. The jerk changed his mind and you wanna go with him instead."

"Well, he broke up with his girlfriend," she said without looking Zell in the eye, "and asked if I still wanted to go...and I said yes."

That was a kick in the face that Zell didn't need right now. He was already down, already wounded from being a last resort, and now he wasn't anything. He went sort of numb as he watched her struggle not to be happy about going with her first choice, even though he'd treated her like crap. Irvine was right. You couldn't be too nice or they walked all over you.

"...whatever," Zell said.

"I'm sorry," Angie said. "Maybe we could do something fun together some other time."

Seriously? Now she was offering a pity date? That was the last straw and Zell was done bothering with her. He felt sort of stupid for liking her in the first place, when as it stood, he didn't see much to like anymore. He didn't want friends that treated him like a back-up plan or a last resort. That's what she was doing, and Zell didn't want to be used like that. Nor did he have any interest in going out with her anymore. She was not even close to the person he'd imagined she was and that sucked.

But it was his own fault. He hadn't really known her. He'd just made her out to be his fantasy girl in his head when really, she was just kind of... heartless.

"Yeah, I don't think so," Zell said. "Your new boyfriend probably wouldn't like that too much."

"Don't be like that," Angie pleaded. "Please don't be like that."

"Like what?" Zell snapped. "Upset that you'd rather go with a guy that treated you like shit than a guy that actually wanted to go with you?"

"Zell-"

"Save it," he said coldly. "I hope it works out for you."

But inside, Zell's heart cracked in two.

* * *

 

Zell did not go find Quistis as planned. Instead, he retreated to his room, buried himself under the blankets and vowed never to leave his room again. It wasn't just that he got his feelings hurt. It wasn't just that Angie had only seen him as a back-up plan. It was everything. His friends. Seifer. Fujin. Angie. Even his Ma was on his list right now.

He dozed for a while and woke when he heard a light tap on the door. He didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to see anyone or hear any pep talks, he just wanted to sleep and feel sorry for himself. He ignored the knock and put a pillow over his head to drown out any further attempts to rouse him.

"Zell?" Quistis' voice called. "Please open the door."

Quistis was the one person he couldn't be mad at, besides Squall, and Squall was only off the hook because he was too busy to notice. He considered pretending he wasn't there, but then felt guilty for shutting her out. Reluctantly, he got out of bed and let her in.

She looked wary, and after their last conversation, Zell supposed he didn't blame her.

"Checking in," she said. "You look like you've had a rough day."

"Yeah."

"...will you tell me what's wrong?" she asked. "Please? I feel like I did something to upset you and if I did, I'm sorry."

Zell shook his head and plopped down onto the bed.

"It isn't you, Quistis," he said. "I'm sorry for being rude. None of this is your fault."

Quistis cautiously took a seat at his desk and looked at him with that motherly concern Zell so hated.

"Talk to me," she said. "Please?"

Zell shrugged. He didn't even know where to begin. After a minute of silence, he told her about Angie, and then about Selphie and Rinoa always coming to him with their problems and how they never returned the favor. He left out Irvine's advice, certain that Quistis would lecture him at length about how wrong Irvine was, when so far, all Zell had seen was confirmation of Irvine's rightness.

Quistis got up from the desk to sit beside him.

"Can I give you a hug?" she asked.

Zell was about to protest, but suddenly, a hug from a friend was something he really, really needed. He let Quistis draw him into a sisterly embrace and he felt better at having spilled his guts and being the receiver of a hug rather than the giver for a change.

"We should form a club," Quistis said. "For pathetic, lonely singles."

Zell laughed under his breath and gave Quistis a squeeze.

"Meeting in progress," he said.

"I feel like I should have brought wine and cookies," Quistis said. "And a big box of tissues."

Zell laughed louder and reached for the box on his desk. "Got that covered."

He sobered and stared at his hands for a minute.

"Do you think I'm too nice?" he asked.

"Sometimes," Quistis said.

Zell was instantly offended.

"Being a nice guy is a good thing," Quistis said. "It really is, but...I think you've been so nice that you let Selphie think there are no boundaries. It is possible to be nice and also set restrictions on what is and isn't appropriate. She comes to you because she knows you won't throw her out like the rest of us will."

Hmm. Maybe she had a point.

"She tried coming to my door at four in the morning exactly once," Quistis said. "I felt bad for her, I let her in, let her cry and then made sure she understood how rude it was to show up at that hour to complain about Irvine leaving his socks on the floor."

Zell burst out laughing. That sounded like Selphie.

"She didn't talk to me for a week after that," Quistis said. "But she got my point."

"So, she doesn't show up speaking in tongues and howling like a banshee anymore?" Zell asked, wondering if it would work for him.

"No," Quistis said with a little smile. "Not once."

"Hmmm," Zell said. "Well, maybe my meltdown will keep her from coming back."

"It might," Quistis said. "By the way, would you like to be my date for the social?"

Zell's eyes widened and then narrowed.

"Are you asking because you feel sorry for me?"

"Not at all," Quistis said. "I don't have a date and I was planning on going alone, but since we're both single, I thought it would be fun to go as friends."

"I dunno, Quis," he said. "Seems kinda desperate."

"Are you calling me desperate?" Quistis asked.

"No, just... I don't want a pity date."

"I don't pity you," Quistis said. "I empathize, but I don't pity. Besides. There's no one else I'd rather go with. And, I know you'll dance with me and you won't step all over my feet."

She nudged him with her elbow and Zell sighed. He had a feeling it really was a pity date, but then again, he liked Quistis and her suggestion made sense. If they'd both be going, then why not go together?

"Sure," Zell said. "I'll go."

"Good," Quistis said. "I'll be wearing red if you feel like matching."

"I can do red," he said. Then he laughed. "Do you know how pissed the Trepies will be when we show up together?"

"I'd rather think about the look on Angie's face when she sees you upgraded," Quistis said. Then she winced. "Sorry. That sounded so much better in my head. I'm really not that conceited. Or mean."

Zell laughed and dropped an arm around Quistis shoulder. "Well, you're not wrong. You're Quistis Trepe. Object of desire among 50% of Garden males aged 13-25. And a surprising number of young ladies as well."

"Stop," Quistis said, hiding a smile. "You're terrible."

"I speak the truth," Zell said. "They're gonna hate me."

"Do you care?"

"Nah," Zell said. "Hey, my mom's sorta making me come to her brunch thing tomorrow. You wanna come with? It's just a bunch of her friends, but there will be food. And after, a couple of my buddies from town are having a party at the beach. We could stop by for a bit after. You know, if you felt like getting out of here for a bit."

"How can I turn down your Ma's cooking?" she said. "I'd be happy to go. Hyne knows, if I hang around here, I'll just end up working."

"Cool," Zell said. "Pack a bathing suit and a change of clothes. I'll swing by and get you about nine, okay?"

"Sure," she said. "So what are you doing the rest of the night?"

"Gonna hang out here, maybe read for a while. Get some sleep."

"Okay," Quistis said. "I should be going. Xu was expecting me twenty minutes ago."

She pressed a kiss to his temple before saying goodbye and Zell lay down on his bed, feeling a lot better.

He'd just settled back in when a fierce banging on his door sent him to his feet. He knew exactly who it was, just by the cadence and volume of the knocking.

"I know you're in there," Selphie singsonged. "Open up! I wanna talk to you."

Zell sighed and opened the door a crack. Selphie took that as an invitation to barge on in. She grinned widely and flopped onto his bed. At least she wasn't crying.

"So, Irvine and were supposed to double date with a friend of mine, but her date canceled," Selphie said.

"And?"

"She's a really nice lady, Zell!" Selphie said. "Confident and outgoing and she thinks you're super cute."

"What?" Zell asked confused. "How does she know what I look like?"

"I showed her your picture, silly!"

"What are you asking me here?" he wondered. "And why are you showing my picture to random women?"

"Duh! I want you to be her date so we're not lopsided," Selphie said. "Come on, It'll be fun. We're going out for shrimp and beer and you can't say no, okay? And it's my treat. Irvy and I are paying for everything."

"I don't think so, Seffie," Zell said. "I'm not really in the mood."

"I SAID I wouldn't take no for an answer," Selphie said. She bounced off the bed and disappeared into the closet. A shirt flew out and hit him in the chest. "Put that on. We're gonna be late."

"I don't really wanna go," Zell said as the sound of hangers and things moving around inside filled the room. "Or be …. set up. I'm not that desperate."

"You're going and that's final," the closet said and chucked a pair of pants at him. "No debating. Olga is a really nice lady and you're going to have fun."

"Olga?" Zell asked. "That's an old lady name."

Zell knew an Olga. She was an old lady that hung around the beach in a bikini that didn't fit and chain smoked. She drank cheap vodka from a thermos and hit on all the young male tourists. The locals had some unflattering nicknames for her, the least offensive being "the Predator," for her unwanted and sometimes aggressive attention to young men in their late teens or early twenties.

It couldn't be the same person. Zell did not believe Selphie would be so cruel as to set him up with Olga, Patron Saint of Lung Cancer. She knew how much he hated smoking. And she knew he would never be interested in a woman older than his mother.

"What difference does it make?" Selphie asked. "She's nice and she's interested in you! I promise, you'll like her."

Zell frowned as a bad feeling boiled up in the pit of his stomach.


	4. Predator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this chapter on, the story will differ from the version posted on FFN.

 

* * *

 

Zell stood next to Irvine outside the restaurant, his arms crossed and in no mood to be there. He had half a mind to take off, get a rental and go back to Garden. His bad feeling about this “date” grew as he saw Olga the Predator approach, dressed in what appeared to be a hot pink slip or nightgown, fluffy purple house shoes and a frightfully bad wig in an unnatural shade of red. She had a lit cigarette in one hand and a bottle of gin in the other. Slung over her shoulder was a handbag big enough to fit all of Zell's belongings inside.

“Irvine, please tell me Selphie didn't set me up with the Predator,” Zell murmured.

“I don't know who it is, to be honest with you,” Irvine said with a grin. “But if it is, you have a 100% chance of getting laid tonight, my friend.”

“You are disgusting,” Zell said with a dark frown. “She's older than my Ma.”

Selphie bounced out of the restaurant and announced their table was ready, just as Olga stepped onto the sidewalk and gazed at Zell like a dog eying a meaty bone. A shudder of distaste passed through his whole body and he stepped back instinctively as Olga puckered her crimson-painted lips.

“You made it!” Selphie cried to the woman. “Perfect timing. Let's all go inside, shall we?”

Zell turned his eyes on Selphie and glared at her.

“You've got to be kidding me,” he said. “This is a joke, right?”

Olga took a puff on her cigarette, then used it to light another. She blew the smoke in Zell's direction and he almost turned around and left. If not for Selphie's ferocious grip on his arm and her hard yank toward the door, Zell would have run for his life.

“She's nice,” Selphie hissed in his ear. “Give her a chance. A guy like you can't be too picky, you know.”

“A guy like me?” Zell asked, suddenly fuming mad. “What do you mean by that?”

Selphie rolled her eyes and dragged him inside. Behind him, Zell heard the sound of Irvine's amused laughter as Olga reached out and gave Zell's left butt cheek a hard pinch. He yelped and spun around to give the woman a glare of warning, but it was lost on her. She had already turned her sights on Irvine.

“Well, aren't you a tall, strapping young lad?” she rasped. “Bet you know how to show a lady a good time.”

“I reckon I do, ma'am,” Irvine said with a tip of his hat. “Sadly, I'm taken.”

“We'll see about that,” she said. “Like they say. Three's a crowd but four's a party.”

She gave Irvine's lean chest a lusty caress and pinched his nipple through his shirt. Irvine visibly jumped but didn't make a sound.

“Not so funny now, is it?” Zell said under his breath as they were led to their table.

Zell's ears and cheeks burned as they were seated. He clenched his jaw and his fists balled up in his lap as he tried to think of a time he'd been more uncomfortable than he was now. He couldn't come up with anything. Not even getting pantsed by Almasy in the cafeteria to a chant of “teeny weenie peeny” when he was 13 and scrawny had been this awkward or uncomfortable.

He was so paralyzed by his anger and discomfort, he couldn't speak or respond to Selphie's gush of praise for him. To Zell, Selphie sounded like a used car salesman attempting to sell the virtues of a clunker. All he could do was sit there and try not to punch someone as Olga blew another mouthful of smoke in his general direction.

“Zell's the best hand to hand fighter in all of Garden,” Selphie said.

“I'd love to see what he can do with those hands,” Olga said suggestively.

“He's really good at fixing stuff, too, so if you need, you know, plumbing repairs or something, Zell's your guy.”

“I bet you are,” Olga said. “My plumbing definitely needs some attention.”

Irvine pressed his lips together and tried unsuccessfully to hide his laughter. His face turned red and he banged a fist against the table and Zell suddenly felt like he was going to commit a murder.

“Keep laughing and I'm gonna fix your face,” he growled at Irvine.

The waitress came with glasses of ice water and as she set them on the table, she frowned at Olga, who was steadily puffing away on her third cigarette since her arrival.

“There's no smoking in the dining area,” the waitress said. “You're welcome to smoke on the patio.”

“No problem, sweetheart,” Olga said. Then, she dropped her lit cigarette in Zell's glass of ice water and smiled at the girl. “Bring me a gin and tonic. Hold the tonic.”

The waitress took the rest of their drink orders and then left them without bothering to replace Zell's tainted water. As soon as she walked away, Olga lit another cigarette and began to puff on it like her life depended on it. A cloud of smoke drifted Zell's way and the acrid scent burned his nostrils.

He was so furious, he couldn't do anything or say anything. He wanted to. He wanted to leave. He wanted to tell Selphie off, but he couldn't. So overwhelmed by anger he was that he feared, if he said or did anything, it would be something he couldn't take back or undo. Instead, he just sat there and hoped that he could get through the evening without killing anyone.

“So, big boy,” Olga said. “Did you figure out what article of clothing I forgot to wear?”

Zell blinked stupidly at her. The suggestive question made all the synapses in his brain short circuit. It was not a question he ever wanted to know the answer to. He could die right here on the spot and be satisfied with his ignorance.

“It's your bra, right?” Selphie said. “You didn't wear a bra!”

Olga ignored her and looked at Zell across the table. She wiggled an eyebrow at him and Zell repressed the urge to run. If his Ma heard about this, she would kill him dead.

“Um, no offense, but it's kinda weird to forget your underwear on purpose,” Selphie said. “Like, I totally couldn't get away with not wearing my bra out in public.”

“Don't judge, Selphie,” Irvine said with a grin. “I wouldn't mind it one bit.”

“You say that now, but in ten years...”

Something touched Zell's leg under the table and he tensed. He hoped it was something benign, like a giant cockroach or a rabid squirrel, but as it traveled steadily upward, he knew he wasn't going to be that lucky. A foot inserted itself between his knees and he shot to his feet with a yelp and bolted for the men's room.

He did not care how it might look to everyone else as he fled. He did not care that he could hear Irvine's howls of laughter behind him as he retreated from the nightmarish twist the evening had taken. He nearly ran to the bathroom and once inside, he threw cold water on his face and leaned his palms against the counter by the sink.

This was definitely not what he'd imagined when Selphie had said her friend needed a date. He'd pictured someone their own age or close to it, at least. That would have been awkward enough, but how in the holy hell had Selphie become friends with Olga? Granted, Selphie would talk to anyone who gave her even a second of attention, but seriously? In what universe did Selphie think Zell would have any interest in Olga? Had Selphie actually set him up on a date with the woman in hopes of making a match? Did he really seem that desperate?

As he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he felt like crying. Was he really so pathetic, Selphie had thought his only option for a girlfriend was a chain smoking, borderline pedophile that was older than his Ma?

No. No, that could not be true. Trusting Selphie's opinion on anything was like trusting a T-rexaur not to rip your head off. She was the queen of bad judgment. She meant well and only saw the best in people. Still, it was hard not to be furious with her. The whole thing was humiliating and Irvine would never, ever let this go. It would be a joke for years to come. Zell would never live this incident down.

Somewhat calmer, Zell decided to return to the table and finish the evening. It was a bad idea, but he would get through it, and then refuse any and all future offers of dinner with Selphie, just in case she got any bright ideas. It couldn't be any worse than it already was. Could it?

The answer to that question came when the bathroom door opened and Olga, in all her horrible glory, appeared. She puffed on her cigarette and tossed it into the sink and grinned at Zell with a broad, snaggle-toothed smile. Tendrils of smoke curled around her head as a predatory gleam made her beady eyes sparkle under the soft amber light.

“This is the men's room,” he said stupidly.

“So it is,” she said. “This ain't my first rodeo, boy.”

Zell backed away as she advanced on him but there was nowhere to go. She stood between Zell and the door and blocked him when he tried to make a bid for freedom. Slowly but surely, she cornered him in a stall and pinned him in.

“Playing hard to get,” Olga said. “I like that.”

“Look, I'm not really interested... I don't know what Selphie told you, but, I'm not- urk!”

She reached out and pinned him back against the partition next to the toilet and ran her hands all over his chest. Gnarled fingers plucked at the buttons of his shirt and Zell repressed the urge to scream or vomit.

He could have beaten her to a pulp, could have made her stop, but something about wailing on an old lady didn't sit right with him. Maybe it was because he was too nice, or just because underneath the layers of make-up and aggressive sexual innuendo, she was just a desperate, drunken woman. As much as he hated this, he hated the idea of hurting her more. He would just have to escape her clutches somehow.

“Like they say, once you go old, you never go back,” Olga said as she untucked his shirt from his jeans.

“I'm pretty sure nobody says that,” Zell said.

Zell wrenched away from her as her fingers wrapped around his belt. In a panic, he climbed up on the toilet and desperately looked for a way over the partition.

Olga grabbed his thigh and her fingers wrapped around it and squeezed. Her hand swept upward toward his groin and Zell yelped and lost his footing on the toilet seat. He fell backward and smacked his head against the tile wall hard enough to blur his vision. Olga was all over him in an instant. She pawed at him like a zombie in search of vital organs and Zell freaked. She was oddly strong for a woman her age, and she pinned him back against the wall with a lot more force than seemed possible.

This was the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing Zell had ever experienced. And it wasn't over yet. Olga puckered her lips and leaned toward him. She smelled like moth balls and cigarettes, gin and stale laundry. Zell held his breath so he wouldn't have to breathe it in, but Olga was determined, and the closer she came, the worse it was.

“Give mama a kiss!”

“Aghaaaaa!” Zell cried as he struggled to free himself. “I don't want to kiss you! Lemmie go!”

Olga's lips moved closer and Zell, now very desperate, slid down the wall until his butt hit the floor. Olga was in his lap in an instant and he felt her dry, wrinkly lips on his cheek. The sensation made his skin crawl and he whimpered in terror as he tried to hide his head.

“Don't be so shy,” she murmured. “I'll make a man out of you yet. Just don't tell your Ma.”

“You're making it really hard not to hit you, lady,” Zell said through gritted teeth. “Get OFF ME.”

The bathroom door creaked open and the scrape of boots against tile startled them both. The boots stepped up to the urinal beside the stall and Zell gritted his teeth.

Olga took advantage of Zell's distraction and pressed her mouth against his. He was so stunned, he couldn't react. A second later, her tongue, wet and slimy, darted between his lips. She tasted of gin and ashtray and it was so disgustingly invasive, Zell was pretty sure some part of him died inside.

“Bleraggghh!” he cried and shoved Olga away from him. “Gross!”

Olga the Predator now had the dubious distinction of being Zell's first kiss, and that sucked so much he wanted to lay on the floor and die. He was so humiliated and disappointed, he wanted to go back to his dorm room, lock himself inside and never, ever come out again.

“Chicken-wuss? That you?”

Great. Perfect. This was just what he needed.

What to do? Answer Seifer or not? As bad as this situation was, Zell did not want Seifer to know he was being assaulted by a creepy older woman in a stall in the men's room. He was a SeeD, after all. He could get himself out of this.

“Dincht? What the hell are you doing in there?”

Before Zell could confirm or deny, Olga's hand slid down the front of Zell's pants. Zell let out a high pitched yelp and threw her off. Olga sprawled on the tile floor with a grunt, then started to cough violently. She sat up and lit another cigarette and blew the smoke in Zell's face.

“I'm fine,” Zell choked out. “Go away.”

“Are you smoking?”

“Um, ...yeah, heh, busted,” Zell lied. He grimaced and smacked his hand against his forehead. Why had he said that? Now Seifer was going to tell Cid, and Zell would have to either lie or fess up.

“Can I bum one?”

“Uhh, last one. Sorry,” Olga's hand wrapped around his ankle and then snaked up his calf. Zell kicked out at her and cried, “Get off me, Lady!”

There was silence from the other side of the stall. A moment later, Seifer's head appeared in the gap as Olga attempted to re-claim her seat in Zell's lap.

“Ppppbbbtttt! You've got to be kidding me.”

“It's not funny,” Zell growled as he wrestled Olga away from him. A deep belly laugh echoed through the restroom. “Shut up, man!”

A moment later, the stall door opened and Seifer towered over them with a big, amused grin. He crossed his arms over his chest as Olga looked him up and down. Zell pushed himself further into the corner, so humiliated he wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

“Well, aren't you a tall, handsome thing?” Olga said. She puffed on her cigarette and blew it at Zell.

Zell had enough. He snatched the cigarette from Olga's fingers and tossed it into the toilet.

“He's all yours,” Zell said as he pushed to his feet. “Have at it, lady.”

Olga backed Seifer out of the stall and gave him a hard shove back against the tile. Her hands slid over his chest and the look of absolute horror on Seifer's face was something Zell would never forget.

“Trust me,” Seifer said. “You don't want a piece of this.”

Then, he made a choked, panicked noise and pushed the woman away so hard she crashed into the partition next to the stall door.

“I'm not interested,” Seifer growled, “So back the fuck off.”

“Are you sure, big boy?” Olga purred.

“I'm gay,” Seifer said with a straight face. “And he's with me. So unless you'd like me to beat the shit out of you for molesting my property, I suggest you take your ugly face back down to the docks where you belong.”

Olga's suggestive smile fell and her eyes flicked back to Zell.

“Prove it.”

“What?!” Zell cried. “I don't have to prove anything!”

Seifer shrugged, stepped forward and grabbed the front of Zell's shirt. Zell squawked in protest, terrified, furious and really, really confused as Seifer's hand clamped around the back of his neck and planted a firm kiss on Zell's lips.

What had Zell done to anger the Gods this way? All he'd wanted was to date a nice girl, and twice in less than an hour, he'd been kissed by two people he wouldn't normally touch with a ten foot pole.

He knew one thing for sure, he was going to kill someone before the night was over. Seifer. Olga. Selphie. Someone was going to get mangled, and Zell couldn't be held responsible for his actions if this kept up.

Except-

_Oh, fuck no. No, no, no, noooo._

Without even realizing he was doing it, Zell was kissing back. One of his hands had made a fist in the fabric of Seifer's coat, and as Seifer kissed him harder, Zell's brain short-circuited. Whatever the hell was happening, Zell couldn't honestly say it was unpleasant the way Olga's kiss had been unpleasant, and for a second he wondered what that meant.

Then, Seifer let him go and smirked in a way that would have earned him a fist to the jaw if Zell hadn't been so confused and shaken by it. Maybe it had been for show, and maybe Zell owed Seifer for saving his bacon, but _what the hell?!_

“Well, that explains a lot. I recall you saying you like to shop with your girlfriends,” Olga said. She fished her pack of cigarettes from her purse again and lit one. “I guess I'll be seeing you boys.”

He hadn't told her he liked to shop. That little factoid must have come from Selphie. And just what in Hyne's name had Selphie been thinking, setting him up with that... _thing_?

They watched her go in silence. Zell fully expected mockery and ridicule as soon as she was gone, but Seifer went to the sink and wet a paper towel. He handed it to Zell, who stood there, dumbfounded.

“You've got lipstick all over your face,” Seifer said.

Zell went to the mirror and scrubbed every last trace of the woman's lipstick from his cheeks and mouth while Seifer threw water on his own face.

“You're not really gay, are you?”

“Why, are you afraid I've got the hots for you?”

“No,” Zell said. “But if you do, I'm gonna break your nose.”

“Homophobic much?”

“Naw,” Zell said. “It would just be an really good excuse to hit you.”

Seifer snorted and dried his face with a paper towel.

“Would you care if I said I was?”

“Hell no,” Zell said. “Doesn't hurt me any. Do whoever you please. But what the hell, man?!”

The corner of Seifer's mouth hitched up and he lifted his eyebrow. It was a rather suggestive look, and Zell was both perplexed and annoyed by it. Seifer was baiting him, maybe with the hope that Zell would actually follow through on his threat.

“You're welcome,” he said. “But, if you're not grateful, I can always call her back in here. You two seemed to be getting on pretty well before I walked in.”

Zell shuddered at the memory of Olga's slimy, gross tongue sliding over his lip and shook his head. Then he thought of Seifer's -

“Ugh!”

He pressed his hands over his eyes and wanted to barf. What was wrong with him?

“See, it's like this,” Seifer said, “not that I need to explain myself to you, but attraction is attraction, and life is too short not to enjoy all the carnal pleasures it has to offer.”

The look Seifer gave him in the mirror could only be called smug. Zell didn't know what that meant, and furthermore, he didn't care.

“If you're expecting me to be shocked, or freaked out, you're going to be disappointed,” Zell said. “I don't care if you find potatoes erotic, not my business.”

Seifer tossed his paper towel in the trash and dug through his pockets for his phone. He checked the time and then returned it before he looked back at Zell.

“You wanna go get a drink?” Seifer asked.

“Are you asking me on a date? Cause, you know, it's cool and all that your into whatever but I'm not really interested.”

Seifer rolled his eyes. “I'm asking because after whatever the hell just happened in here, you look like you could use one. Like I'd ever be interested in you.”

Zell was offended. He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

“Yeah? What's wrong with me?”

“Where do I start?” Seifer said.

“Tch. Forget I asked,” Zell said. “Sure, fine. We'll grab a beer, but if anyone asks, I have nothing to do with you being outside Garden without permission, and you ignored me when I told you to go home.”

“I chase the hag away and that's how you reward me?” Seifer asked. “By throwing me under the bus?”

“I'll buy you beer.”

“Make it whiskey and it's a deal.”

* * *

 

They wound up at a bar Zell had never been in. It was near the docks, and there wasn't a single person under the age of 30 inside. It was dingy, dirty and smelled of urine, smoke and stale beer, but that suited Zell fine. His sinuses were already on the fritz from Olga's repeated attempts to give him cancer. For a Saturday night, it wasn't busy, and that was even better. No risk of running into someone they knew.

They ordered their respective drinks and sat at the bar with nothing to say to each other. It was awkward and it made zero sense to Zell that he was spending time with his student and arch enemy of his own free will. It was like he'd fallen into some parallel universe where Almasy didn't want to fight him or publicly shame him.

“So what was the deal with crepe face?” Seifer asked.

“Selphie,” Zell said.

“She was your date, wasn't she?”

“....”

Seifer burst out laughing and his hand slapped the bar a few times before Zell reached out and pinned it to the scarred wood surface.

“Not funny.”

“She must really hate you,” Seifer said with a big grin.

“Good intentions, shitty execution,” Zell said. “I don't even want to talk about it, 'cause I might get pissed off again and try to strangle her in her sleep.”

After their first round, they didn't talk much. By the fourth, Zell was feeling loose, depressed and tired. He dropped his head to the bar and banged his forehead against it a few times as he tried to clear the image of Olga from his head.

“Women,” Zell complained. “They're horrible.”

“Not all of them are,” Seifer murmured.

“I try to be a nice guy, I get my heart broken,” Zell said. “Or I get molested in the men's room.”

Seifer grinned and ordered another round.

“Stupid girls and their stupid friend zone,” Zell complained.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nice guys get put in the friend-zone.”

“Bullshit,” Seifer said. “The friend-zone doesn't exist.”

“What?”

“It's a bullshit sexist myth,” Seifer said. “It's for losers that don't understand that women are not obligated to date or be attracted to their male friends. It's for guys that think time invested in a woman should result in sex and assumes a woman can choose to be attracted to him, and by refusing, she's just playing hard to get.”

“Seriously?” Zell slurred. “Irvine says girls friend-zone you when you're too nice.”

“Well, that was your first mistake, listening to that guy about anything,” Seifer said. “Look who he's dating.”

“You have a point.”

“Nobody is obligated to return your feelings, Dincht,” Seifer said. “And you're an entitled little asshole if you think so.”

“I know that,” Zell said.

“Then what's the problem?” Seifer asked. “You wanna date one of your friends or something?”

“No,” Zell said. “That would be like dating my sister.”

“Then you're definitely not stuck in this mythical friend-zone,” Seifer said. “I mean, look, it's true that there are some girls that will take advantage of nice guys. People are assholes. But that's about you, not her. If she uses you and you let her, that's your own fault, but even then, she's still not obligated to sleep with you.”

Zell stared at Seifer in bewilderment.

“Pshhh,” Zell said inarticulately. “How do you know?”

“Because I understand how it works,” Seifer said. “And because Fujin.”

“Fujin?”

“She can riff for hours on the subject,” Seifer said. “Ask her sometime if you want a thorough explanation, since you seem like such good friends lately.”

Seifer knocked back his whiskey and turned to glare at Zell.

“You're not tryin' to get in her pants, are you?”

“No!”

“Good, 'cause if you mess with her, I'm obligated to mess with you.”

“Fuu's cool and all, but no,” Zell said. “It's not like that.”

“Keep it that way,” Seifer said.

 

* * *

 

Several hours and way too much alcohol later, Zell stumbled aimlessly down the cobblestone street, a vague idea about where he was going, but he was also not really sure where he was. He needed to go home, sleep it off, but Garden was too far to walk in this state. Seifer kept pace beside him, less drunk or maintaining far better than Zell was.

Zell had drunk himself into a deep, dark pit of anger and bitterness that Seifer's presence only fueled. Not because he was pissed at Seifer, and not because of anything Seifer had said, but because after everything, it seemed like the only ally he had was Seifer, and that was so much bullshit, Zell could barely stand it. Not to mention, the whole kiss thing.

He was furious with Selphie and Irvine, and to a lesser extent, Squall and Rinoa for being absent. Quistis was the only one that hadn't ignored, avoided or plotted his demise.

Zell wasn't the kind of falling down, stumbling and incoherent drunk he'd been the last time. It was as if his anger was feeding on the excess booze, soaking it up, and he was itching to kick the crap out of something.

“Where the hell are we going, Dincht?” Seifer asked.

“Somewhere,” Zell said. He stopped, looked around and sort-of recognized where he was. “This way.”

As they rounded the bend, they nearly collided with a trio of sketchy looking guys. Zell stumbled, nearly fell and righted himself, cursing as he turned on them. He was in the mood for a fight. A good, bloody drunken fight, and no one was going to stop him.

“Get the fuck out of my way,” Zell barked, lifted his fist and took a swing at the nearest man, just as Seifer caught hold of the back of his shirt and dragged him back. “Hey! Lemmie go!”

The man Zell had taken a swipe at retaliated, though Zell hadn't hit him, and the man's fist caught Zell in the jaw. Zell's teeth bit down on the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

“Goddamnit,” Seifer muttered. “That wasn't smart.”

The next couple minutes were a blur of fists and grunts and howls of pain as Zell and Seifer both threw punches indiscriminately. Zell's ungloved knuckles split open, his nose was bleeding, and it felt great. It had been way too long since he'd gotten into a real brawl. Fighting with his student's didn't count.

“Feel better?” Seifer asked when there was no one left to fight.

“My face hurts.”

“Yeah, it hurts me, too,” Seifer said. “We should split.”

All three men were on the ground, two unconscious, the third rolling around in the gutter clutching his face. Zell only then realized he'd gotten a little carried away, and he hoped none of them had gotten a good look at him or Seifer. If so, they were both going to wind up in a lot of trouble. Seifer would probably just get sent to the brig, but Zell's job might be on the line.

Too late to take it back now, and Zell's face really hurt.

“Chicken head, let's go,” Seifer said.

By the time they got to Ma's house, Zell's nose was beginning to throb. He didn't question why they were at Ma's, or why Seifer had his keys because he was pretty sure he could see his heartbeat in his eyes. He sat down on the step as Seifer unlocked the door and was hauled to his feet a second later.

“Hey! Cut it out!”

“Shut up,” Seifer hissed, “unless you wanna wake the whole block up.”

“You're not goin' in my room again.”

“Shut. The. Hell. Up.”

“You shut up,” Zell said. He raised a bloody fist. “It's my house.”

“Oh, for the love of -” Seifer said and Zell was upside down with a view of Seifer's back.

He was tempted to kick free, but the world spun and blood rushed to his head and he thought he was going to be sick. Seifer climbed the stairs quietly, then dumped Zell on the floor in the bathroom. The light stung Zell's eyes and he shielded them as Seifer rooted through the medicine cabinet.

“Potions are in the drawer,” Zell said and poked at his tender nose. “Ouch.”

“Don't mess with it, stupid,” Seifer said. “You'll make it worse.”

“Frikkin' hell,” Zell grumbled. “Think it's broken.”

“That's what you get for picking a fight for no reason.”

“Like you're one to talk.”

Seifer turned and hurled a wet wash cloth and a potion at him, then tended to his own wounds.

“These days, I pick my battles, Dincht,” Seifer said. “No sense in starting shit if I'm not allowed to finish it.”

“What?” Zell said, incredulous. “You've spent half a semester messing with me!”

“Mmm, well, that's just for fun,” Seifer said. He spit a mouthful of blood into the sink and scooped water over his face. “Gotta get my jollies somehow.”

Zell swallowed down the potion, which took the edge off the pain in his face. With the washcloth, he cleaned away the blood on his upper lip and chin and stared at the pinkish red stains on the fabric when he lifted it away.

“I don't care how you get your jollies, dude,” Zell said. “Just leave me the hell out of it.”

He stood up and swayed as the alcohol in his blood surged again. Too drunk to continue the conversation, Zell stumbled into the bedroom, kicked off his shoes and fell face first onto the bed. In seconds, he was sound asleep.


	5. Bear Vs. Honey

Zell woke early the next morning with his cheek pressed against something hard and oddly shaped. He shifted away from it with a grimace, only to discover that the _thing_ was a man's big, bony foot and he'd been using it as a pillow. He sat up, startled, dimly aware of last night's adventures with Seifer, and looked to the end of the bed in suspicion..

Seifer was in bed with him. Not like he'd crawled in to cuddle, thank all the gods, but with his head at the foot of the bed, feet in Zell's face.

"Gyaaahh!" Zell cried and shoved Seifer's legs and feet away. He kicked Seifer in the ass and the back of the thigh, making guttural, inarticulate noises of rage because there were no words. "Bleeeghhh!"

"Ppptt,' whah, ya wan?" Seifer murmured and smacked his lips. "Go 'way."

Worse? Zell was sure he'd gone to bed fully clothed and now, he was only wearing a pair of fitted boxers with moogles all over them. And he was damn sure he hadn't worn those yesterday.

Which meant...

"Ahhhhhhh!" Zell cried

And kicked Seifer again, just in case his scream didn't convey how much he wanted Seifer OUT of his bed.

"For fuck's sake, chicken-wuss. Stop. Fucking. _Kicking_. Me."

"What did you do to me, you bastard?!"

Seifer sat up slowly and peered at him blankly. Seifer was not wearing anything at all. It was all out there for Zell to see, and for a second, he couldn't tear his eyes away.

"You should be asking what _you_ did to _me."_.

"Not even with a thirty foot pole, pal! As if!"

"It was like you were the bear and I was a bowl of honey and you just couldn't keep your filthy paws off," Seifer said with mock innocence.

"Gross! I did not!"

Seifer cackled and stroked Zell's cheek with his toes. Zell smacked it away in disgust.

"Stop that!"

"You don't remember getting up at four and taking off all your clothes for some reason? You just stood there in the middle of the room with your dick hanging out. "

Zell frowned and shook his head. The last thing he remembered was going to bed. Before that, a lot of alcohol, fighting and Olga – bile welled up in the back of his throat at the memory the incident at the restaurant, and he shoved back the less unpleasant memory of Seifer's kiss.

"If I took off all my clothes, why am I wearing these?"

"I just grabbed something from the drawer," Seifer said with a grin. "Those are cute by the way. Do all your panties have cartoons on them?"

Zell dropped back down against his pillow and covered his face with his hands. His whole life was a joke, and this was not happening. Seifer was his student. Seifer was _Seifer_ , and there was no logical reason for why he was here, _naked,_ and in Zell's bed.

"Why, do you think we fucked last night or something?"

Zell screamed into his palms while Seifer laughed.

"Trust me. You'd know it if we did," Seifer said casually. "Your virtue remains intact."

"Can you put some clothes on, please?" Zell said. "Or at least cover _it._ "

"Does me being naked bother you?"

"Yes!"

Seifer snorted, but reached for his discarded clothes. He sorted through them, found his underwear and eased out of bed. Zell got an eyeful of Seifer's junk as Seifer shamelessly stood and pulled on a pair of green bikini underwear with deliberate leisure.

Unable to help himself, Zell started to giggle.

"You're awfully judgmental for a guy in _man_ panties," Zell said. "I'll take cartoons over _those_ any day."

"Shut the hell up if you know what's good for you," Seifer said with a grin and snapped the waistband against his hips. "And if you can't shut up, I can think of plenty of ways to _make_ you."

"Try it. I dare you."

Zell didn't know why he said that. He didn't want Seifer to try anything or do anything or be here at all, unless it involved Zell giving him an ass-kicking. He figured Seifer wouldn't really step up to the challenge anyway, but then again, predicting Seifer's behavior in any situation was basically a coin toss.

He flashed Zell a bright, toothy smile and eased onto the bed, slow and graceful and predatory until he was half draped over Zell. He hovered an inch from Zell's face, his smirk so cocky it deserved to be rectified with a fist to the jaw. Yet Zell didn't move. He lay perfectly still, wondering how far Seifer planned to take this stupid game.

Because it _was_ a game. Everything Seifer did was for his own private amusement, and today Zell was the butt of the joke. Which was pretty much like every other day spent in Seifer's company, except this was a whole other level of weirdness Zell was not prepared to deal with at this hour. Or ever.

So Zell stared back, silently daring him to make his move, and when he did, Zell would make his position on things _very_ clear.

Except, there was a certain unwanted and very confusing reaction to Seifer bare chest pressed to his. He shifted, uncomfortable with the ache building low in his abdomen as Seifer's mouth drifted closer and closer until his lips hovered just a millimeter above Zell's, feathered against them, bit down very lightly on Zell's bottom lip and the ache became a really, _really_ uncomfortable boner.

Oh, shit.

_Why?_

"Not gonna stop me?"

"Depends on what you plan to do."

Seifer grabbed a handful of Zell's hair and captured Zell's lips in a fierce, almost savage kiss that only worsened the weird fluttering in his stomach. As with the kiss at the restaurant, it was not unpleasant, but Zell didn't know how he was supposed to react. Kiss him back? Break his jaw? Both?

Then, he started to laugh. A giggle at first, and as Seifer determinedly kissed him harder, actual laughter. Seifer pulled back with a dark frown, his cheeks flushed in a way that was a little too attractive for Zell's liking.

"The hell is wrong with you?"

Zell only laughed harder.

"This is funny to you."

"Obviously."

"Hyne almighty," Seifer growled and rolled away. "You're such an idiot."

Seifer climbed to his feet and viciously retrieved his pants from the floor as if they personally offended him. He pulled them on too quick, got one leg tangled around his foot and hopped around the room, tripped and fell face first on the carpet.

Zell howled with laughter.

"Yeah, keep laughing," Seifer said as he pushed up to his knees.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna."

Seifer stood up and with deliberate patience, untangled his foot and eased his pants up his legs. Zell sobered a little as he watched Seifer zip and button the jeans, and only registered a second too late he was staring.

With a snicker, Seifer pulled his T-shirt over his head.

"Tell me, what's it like living in a closet?" Seifer said. "I've always wanted to know."

Zell sat up, his fists balled up in indignation. Seifer was definitely looking for a fight this morning. Zell was about to give him one.

"What are you insinuating?"

"Exactly what you inferred."

"Blow me."

Seifer chuckled and gave a satisfied sigh. He pulled on his socks and sat on the end of the bed to stuff his feet into his boots.

"If you hadn't laughed at me, maybe I _woulda_ ," Seifer said with a mean grin. He pushed to his feet and padded to the door. "See you in class, Instructor."

* * *

_**hannabanana223:** oh, wow, you're really cute!_

_**Hotdog0317:** Thanks! I love the picture of you snorkeling. Are you into watersports?_

_**Hannabanana223:** Yep! Water skiing, swimming, and I'm learning to scuba dive._

_**Hotdog0317:** No way! I love to scuba dive. Have you been down to the reefs yet?_

_**Hannabanana223:** I'm going next week. Really excited. I've heard it's beautiful down there._

Selphie had only seen pictures from the time Zell and Squall went, but it was really pretty, even though Squall said there were sharks and jellyfish and Selphie wasn't a fan of either.

Hanna seemed like a nice girl and from her profile, Selphie learned she had a lot in common with Zell. And, she was young and adorably cute, with a little upturned nose, freckles and bright green eyes like Selphie's. All her pictures were of her doing outdoor things with her dad. Selphie wasn't sure if that was cute or weird, but she looked like she was having fun in all of them. Best of all, Hannah had a bright, sunny smile and no one with a smile like that could be crazy.

_**Hotdog0317:** So what do you do for a living?_

_**Hannabanana223:** My family owns fishing boats. I help out in the office. You?_

_**Hotdog0317:** I'm a SeeD and an Instructor at Garden._

_**Hannabanana223** : Oh, wow! That's so cool. Do you have to wear the uniform and all?_

_**Hotdog0317:** Sometimes. Not for teaching and stuff, though._

_**Hannabanana223** : If you don't mind me saying, those uniforms are something else._

Selphie giggled. Who didn't love a boy in uniform? Sometimes, she wished Irvine was an actual SeeD, so he would have to wear the uniform too, instead of the same leather duster day in and day out. She made a mental note to procure a uniform in Irvine's size so she could make him wear it at her discretion. Behind closed doors, of course.

_**Hotdog0317:** So, um, would you like to meet up some time? Buy you a hotdog and hang out on the beach?_

_**Hannabanana223** : I'd love that. Just tell me when._

Getting Zell to agree to another date was a problem. After the catastrophe with Olga, Selphie was on Zell's list of people he never wanted to speak to again, given his lack of response to any of the 57 texts she'd sent since the incident.

This one would require an assist from Rinoa, for sure. Zell still trusted her. They would have to combine their respective talents to pull it off.

_**Hotdog0317:** Let me check my schedule, and I'll get back to you? Pretty busy during the week, teaching and all, but I definitely want to meet up with you._

_**Hannabanana223:** Looking forward to it._

Selphie logged off and leaned back in her chair as she scrolled through Hanna's pictures one more time. There was no sign the girl was actually an aging alcoholic chain-smoker, so that was a plus.

Maybe, just maybe, adorable little Hannabanana223 was Zell's unicorn.

Now, to plan their first meeting and initiate phase two of Selphie's plan.

Behold, the power of _rumor._

* * *

Zell barely made it back to Garden in time to shower, change and meet up with Quistis. He hastily packed a bag for the beach later, and for Ma's brunch, he chose khaki shorts and a short sleeve plaid button down shirt Ma had given him for his birthday. It wasn't his favorite, but it would make Ma happy to see him in something she'd picked out instead of a hoodie and jean shorts.

Quistis was already in the hall when Zell swung by her room to get her. He was momentarily surprised by her outfit, but not at all displeased. Her hair was down for a change, and she wore a pretty peach sun dress with little flowers on it and a thin white cardigan. Her feet were clad in dressy sandals. Zell had never seen her dress her age before, but she looked like a girl in her late teens, rather than a prim and proper schoolmarm.

"You look nice," he said.

"Thanks," she said. "It's not too much, is it?"

"Not at all," he said. "You packed stuff for the beach later, right?"

"Of course," she said. "I packed a few snacks, too, and some water."

That was Quistis. Always prepared. Zell wouldn't have expected anything less.

In the car, Quistis rolled down the window and put on a pair of big, movie star sunglasses that made Zell laugh because they were so out of character. They looked good, but not at all Quistis' style.

"Rinoa picked them out," Quistis admitted. "I've been to busy to have an excuse to wear them."

"You should make more time for yourself, Quis," Zell said. "You work too hard."

"Hmm. Work's a good distraction."

"From what?" he wondered.

"From the fact that there's not much else going on in my life _besides_ work."

"Maybe if you didn't work so much, you'd have more going on."

"Maybe you're right," she said.

"Sometimes, you gotta shake things up," Zell said. "So that it doesn't become this cycle of boredom you can't get out of."

As he said it, he realized that he was stuck in the same kind of rut. Ever since he'd become an instructor, things had gotten a little same old, same old. It wasn't like he missed the missions, but at the same time, he craved a change of scenery every now and then. He'd spent most of his life in Balamb, but between the war and time compression, the only place he hadn't been was space. His mind was opened to other things, and though he had no desire to live somewhere else and Balamb would aways be home, it felt small and a little suffocating these days.

"It is nice to get out," she agreed. "During the day. While the sun's out."

"We should make it a regular thing," Zell said. "Operation: Pry Quistis Out Of Her Office And Make Her Do Stuff."

"I honestly like the sound of that," she said. "They say it's lonely at the top. They're not wrong."

Zell cast a glance over at his friend. Sometimes, he forgot she was probably the most attractive girl at Garden. Her other virtues were hard to forget – her intelligence, her experience, those things Zell was always aware of, but it was rare that he really took notice of how pretty she was.

And he wondered why that never really mattered to him. Maybe because he knew her instead of worshiping her from afar like the Trepies. Maybe because she was his friend, and like a sister.

"It's not like I'm looking to date or anything," she said. "I'm too wrapped up in the job to make it a priority, but at the same time... If work is all there is, what's the point?"

"Which is why, from now on I, Zell Dincht, will make it a priority to ensure you, Quistis Trepe go out and have some fun every now and then," he said.

"...you're really sweet, Zell."

Zell smiled sadly at the windshield and shrugged. Sweet. That was just as bad as _nice_.

His thoughts turned to the events the night before, and those this morning. That weird, fluttery feeling was back and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the thought of Seifer's parting words.

_Maybe I woulda..._

As if it really would've happened, but the mental image was as titillating as it was appalling.

"Are you okay?" Quistis asked. "Did I upset you?"

"Naw, it's fine."

"You have the weirdest look on your face right now."

If she only knew. Her head would probably explode all over his windshield and mess up his interior.

He parked on the street outside his Ma's place and let himself in. The smell of fresh baked bread and something citrus greeted him as he ushered Quistis inside. None of his Ma's friends were there yet, but the counter was full of all kinds of delicious things that made Zell's mouth water. Ma was curiously absent from the kitchen.

"Ma! We're here!" he announced.

Ma popped her head out of the den and smiled but it broadened into a full-on grin when she saw Quistis beside him.

"Quistis!" Ma cried. "I haven't seen you in months. Come give me a hug, sweetheart."

Zell smiled to himself as Quistis was enfolded in his Ma's embrace. Ma treated all his friends like they were her kids. Quistis was no exception, though Ma had made it clear Quistis was her favorite. Zell figured that was because Quistis acted like an adult and could hold a conversation on nearly every subject under the sun.

"You look very pretty today, dear," Ma said. "This color looks wonderful on you."

"Thank you," Quistis said, almost shyly. "It's not too revealing, is it?"

"Of course not," Ma said. "If I had legs like that, I'd flaunt them too."

"Ma!" Zell scolded.

Ma gave him a wry smile and took Quistis by the elbow and guided her toward the kitchen.

"Can I get you a mimosa, dear? Or some tea?"

"Tea would be fine," Quistis said.

"Have a mimosa," Ma said. "I'm sure you've earned it."

Things were fine, if not boring for a while. Zell made small talk with his Ma's friends, who all really liked to pinch his cheeks like he was a four-year-old and not a grown man, and he repeatedly explained that, _no_ , Quistis wasn't his girlfriend, and _yes_ , he knew she was very pretty.

Ma introduced him to the neighbor's niece or whatever she was, and Zell made small talk with her, too. Her name was Nicola and she was just visiting, but planned to move to Balamb in a few months. She was nice enough, but not a great conversationalist, they didn't have much in common, and she was exceptionally intimidated by Quistis.

Then, Olga showed up, and Zell's stomach twisted in fear, disgust, and absolute loathing. He cursed under his breath as she spied him and sauntered over, wearing the same awful slip dress as the night before. The odor of cigarette smoke wafted off her like she'd sat in a small room and hot-boxed four or five packs before her arrival.

"Well, if it isn't the little twink," she said with a gummy smile.

Zell balled his fists. "What did you just call me?"

"Isn't that the proper term for a small, blonde gay man?" she asked flippantly. "Where's your tall, handsome hairless bear?"

Zell's face flamed, the tops of his hears burned and he very nearly knocked her down. He was not ignorant of the terms she was using, nor did he appreciate them. Quistis' hand wrapped around his bicep and pulled him back before he did anything stupid, but he was fuming.

"I bet that boy of yours is dynamite in the sack," Olga said. "That kiss was hot. Shame the two of you aren't into a little experimentation. I could have rocked both your worlds."

Zell actually gagged. He pressed a hand to his mouth and fled the room before he barfed all over his Ma's favorite rug. He found his way into the small back garden, where Seifer the chicken pecked happily at the grass. He lifted his fist and punched the wall beside the back door, and sneered at the blood on his knuckles.

Quistis stepped out, frowning with worry. She took hold of his wrist and healed it without asking, but if Zell had his way, he would just leave it like that. Physical pain was a great distraction from the other things going on inside his head.

"Small, blonde gay man?" she asked. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No!" Zell shouted. "It's all a big, stupid mess that I don't want to think about. At all."

"It might make you feel better to talk about it."

"Stupid Selphie," he grunted as he sat down on the concrete bench next to his Ma's prized tomato plants.

Zell didn't want to tell Quistis any of it, but it all poured out of him, from start to finish and he even spilled the part about Seifer, much to his own embarrassment. Quistis sat beside him without saying anything for a while, then dropped an arm around his shoulders and side hugged him.

"I'm sorry she did that to you," Quistis said. "I'm sorry about both of them actually."

"I don't know what Selphie was thinking. You saw that woman. Why in Ifrit's name would she ever think I'd date someone like that."

"Selphie sees the world differently than the rest of us," Quistis said. "That's all I can say in her defense."

"You think the sky in her world is bright yellow and full of glitter?" Zell asked. "Because sometimes, I really wonder..."

Quistis giggled and lifted a hand to her lips to hide her smile. Zell pulled her hand away and shook his head.

"Stop doing that," he said. "I hate it when you do that."

"Why?"

"Because," he said. "You have a great smile. You should... not hide it."

Quistis blushed prettily but looked away and folded her hands in her lap.

"He really kissed you?"

"Twice!" Zell said, louder than he meant to. "It was so _weird_ , Quis."

"Maybe it was weird because you liked it?"

"What? No!" he said. "I mean, okay, yeah, it wasn't awful, but it wasn't like earth-shattering or anything. I didn't even kiss him back the second time because he was just trying to mess with my head."

Quistis laughed softly. "Where did you get the idea it's supposed to be earth-shattering?"

"Books," he said plainly. "Movies."

She laughed and patted his back.

"I guess girls aren't the only ones susceptible to that garbage," she said. "Do you want my opinion?"

Zell wasn't so sure he did, but he nodded.

"It's okay if you liked it," she said. "Feelings and hormones and human relationships are complicated. You can't really help who you're attracted to or what it is about them you find attractive."

"I get that, but, it's not like I see a good-looking dude and think _hot_."

"In my experience, it's not always clear-cut," she said. "You think you want one thing, and then something happens or someone comes along and it changes your perspective."

"Are you talking about Xu?" Zell asked gently.

Quistis blushed even deeper than before and Zell nudged her with an elbow.

"You're not supposed to know about that."

"It's so obvious, even Squall picked up on it."

"What?"

"It's cool. Nobody cares," Zell said. "I mean, if you guys ever figure it out, I think you'd be good together."

She pressed her knuckles to her lips and shook her head.

"I don't know what to say," she murmured. "It's not even a thing, but it's a... _thing_."

"Way to articulate," Zell teased. He patted her knee. "You must really like her."

"It's complicated," she said. "Anyway, I understand what you're going through."

"I'm not gay, Quistis."

"I didn't say you were," she said. "But, consider this: maybe there's a reason you didn't knock his teeth out for trying."


	6. Dogpile

 

* * *

 

Selphie pondered what sort of rumor to start about Zell as she and Irvine strolled along the boardwalk in Balamb. It had to be good enough that it would spread, but not so scandalous it would get him in trouble with Squall. Zell was an instructor, after all. She also needed to figure out a way to set him up with Hanna without it looking like a set up or a blind date.

Convinced Hanna was the girl for Zell, Selphie pictured a whirlwind romance between the two. Candlelit dinners, heartfelt confessions of feelings. She imagined Zell would ask her to help pick out an engagement ring, and they would shop for it together and pick out the perfect princess-cut diamond. Then, Selphie would plan an extravagant wedding with a three-tiered wedding cake with lemon curd filling and tons of balloons and fun party favors the guests could keep forever. Hanna would look beautiful and angelic in her wedding gown, with it's long train of lace and layered veil, and Zell would cry because she stole his breath away.

 It was so perfect.

She sighed and linked her arm through Irvine's and wondered if he would ever ask her to meet him at the altar.

But first things first. Zell needed her attention. Then, she would deal with her own situation.

As they approached the pathway down to the public beach, Selphie noticed someone was having a party. Interest piqued, she tugged Irvine along, even though cowboy boots and sand didn't go together so well, and flounced down the steps to the small landing just past the dunes.

Her jaw dropped when she saw Zell and Quistis on a beach blanket together and Zell rubbing lotion on Quistis' back. The wheels in her head started to spin as the perfect opportunity presented itself. She whipped out her phone and snapped a few pictures of Zell's hands on Quistis' hips as he massaged the lotion in.

“Isn't that Quistis and Zell?” Irvine said. “Hot damn, check out that bikini.”

Selphie elbowed him in the ribs and fixed him with a glare.

“Why don't you go get us some ice cream?” she said. “And cool off a little.”

Eyes still on Quistis and her tiny red bikini, Irvine nodded. “Sure, babe.”

“Irvine?”

“Sounds good,” he agreed.

Selphie lifted a fist and punched him in the shoulder.

“That's Quistis! She's practically your sister, you pervert!” Selphie shrieked.

“Do you have to hit me so hard?”

“If she caught you standing there staring like some love-struck Trepie, she'd do a lot worse you know,” Selphie said hotly. “Go get us some ice cream. _Now._ And take a minute to think about why we don't stare at our female friends like we're gross old men!”

Shamefaced, Irvine tipped his hat in apology. “What flavor do you want?”

“Surprise me,” she said.

“Last time you said that, you screamed at me for three hours about how much you hate butter pecan,” Irvine said.

“You should have _known_ I hate butter pecan! It's not like it was a secret!”

Irvine muttered something under his breath and Selphie narrowed her eyes at him.

“What was that?”

“Chocolate cherry okay?” he asked.

“Fine, just _go_ ,” she snapped and returned her attention to the pair on the beach.

Zell was finished with the enviable task of smearing suntan lotion all over Garden's hottest lady and they sat shoulder to shoulder on the blanket, chatting. Selphie snapped a picture and then got all giddy and excited when Zell dropped an arm around Quistis' shoulders and took a photo of that, too.

She scrolled through the photos and picked out the most suggestive of them. Then, she logged onto _TrepieWatch_ , a tabloid-like site run by Quistis' fan club, and uploaded the pictures anonymously with the caption:

**_Trepe/Dincht Secret Steamy Illicit Affair, Caught on Camera!_ **

Quistis was so far out of Zell's league that being implicated in a out-of-bounds romance with the coveted former instructor would surely garner Zell some interest. After all, being associated romantically with someone really, really hot made the _less_ hot person seem like they were secretly hot, too. How else to explain why all those cadets thought Irvy was the bee's knees?  Selphie was clearly the hotter of the two, which made Irvine seem hotter than he was. 

If I guy like Zell could get a girl like Quistis, he must have some super special, secret appeal no one knew about.  At least, that's what Selphie wanted them to think.  

She giggled as the hit count on the photos climbed before her eyes and the comments poured in.

The Trepies were going _nuts._

This was _perfect._

 

* * *

 

Zell walked into his classroom on Monday morning and found a stuffed moogle on the desk. He picked it up, sneered at it, cursed and hurled the offensive thing across the room. He was _not_ in the mood for this today. He slept poorly as he mulled over what Quistis said about his reasons for not putting a stop to Seifer's teasing, or whatever it was he thought he was doing.

Funny thing about that. Quistis never once scolded him for getting involved with a student. Granted, the circumstances were dubious at best, but they both knew it could get him in some hot water if it was found out he was making out with one of his students.

Then again, everybody knew Quistis had a thing for Squall back when she was an instructor, misguided sister feelings or not. At the time, it looked pretty bad from the outside, even if nothing came of it, so maybe, she didn't feel she had the right to lecture.

But if there was a reason Zell refrained from rearranging Seifer's perfect, _stupid_ , smug face, he didn't know it. It wouldn't take much. If memory served, Seifer's hand-to-hand skills were top-notch, but he was too cocky. He thought brute strength trumped skill, as he did with everything, and it made him sloppy and lazy. Zell could take him and then some.

So why didn't he?

He was about to put on his coveralls and get ready for class when the PA system dinged.

“ _Instructor Zell Dincht and Cadet Seifer Almasy, please report to the Headmaster's office.”_

Uh-oh. Squall sounded pissed.

His stomach knotted up as he locked his messenger bag in the desk. He doubted Squall wanted them to come up for a chat.

He was right. Squall's expression was grim as Zell took a seat across from him and ignored Seifer's smug little smirk.

“We've had a complaint that the two of you attacked three unarmed civilians in Balamb on Saturday night,” Squall said. He templed his hands against his chin and stared at Zell with a cool gaze. “Care to explain why that was necessary and why you and a cadet were fraternizing off school grounds, outside of curfew?”

Zell shrank in his seat and shrugged. There wasn't much he could say in his defense: he got drunk, he picked a fight, the end.

“I take full responsibility,” Seifer said. “I was off campus without authorization. Instructor Dincht attempted to reprimand me. I was drunk, I became belligerent and picked a fight. The men assumed Instructor Dincht was also an aggressor. Any punches he might have thrown were in self-defense.”

Zell stared at him, dumbfounded. Seifer was taking the blame? Was he dreaming?

Squall flicked his eyes toward Seifer and sat back, regarding him in cold silence.

“What were you doing off campus without a pass?”

“I wanted a drink.”

Squall looked to Zell for confirmation, but Zell was so shocked, he couldn't even speak. He was fully prepared to take responsibility for his own stupid, drunken actions, even if it got him fired. As he opened his mouth to deny Seifer started the fight, Seifer kicked him in the ankle. Twice.

“Ow!”

“Sorry,” Seifer said mildly. “My foot slipped.”

“Zell?” Squall said. “Was that how it happened?”

Zell glanced at Seifer, who stared back at him passively.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

Why was Seifer covering for him? Why would he say he was the one who started the fight?

“Fine,” Squall said. “Almasy, you're restricted to your quarters until further notice. Outside of class, training and meals, you are to remain in your room.”

“What about the library?” Seifer asked casually. “I might need study materials.”

“Visits to the library will be scheduled,” Squall said. “Ahead of time.”

“You gonna put a tracking device on my ankle, too?”

“The only reason you're not in the disciplinary room right now is because of Cid. I would have preferred to stick you in there and leave you.”

“I'd just break out anyway,” Seifer said. “Did it before, didn't I?”

Squall's lips pressed into a thin line.

“Don't push your luck, Almasy,” Squall said.

“Luck?” Seifer said. “You're the one with all the luck, Leonhart. You're the great big hero that everyone loves.”

“You're dismissed,” Squall said, unfazed by Seifer's taunting. “Please wait outside. Instructor Dincht will escort you back to class.”

Zell watched Seifer leave, caught a ghost of a smirk on his face before he closed the door behind him.

Squall relaxed, his demeanor less cold now that Seifer was gone.

“He doesn't want to be here,” Squall said.

“Not really,” Zell agreed. “But where else is he gonna go?”

“There is nowhere else,” Squall said. He leaned forward, his arms folded on the desk. “I wanted to ask you about Instructor Aki. Quistis mentioned there have been some complaints.”

“Hey, that's all Selphie, man,” Zell said, on defense again. “She keeps showing up at three in the morning, bawling her eyes out like I'm supposed to let her in. I told her to knock it off, but you know how she is.”

Squall looked confused. “I'm not sure what you're talking about.”

“Aki didn't complain about me having girls in my room?”

“Are you inviting girls into your room?”

Zell pretended he wasn't insulted by Squall's tone of surprise. As if the idea of Zell with a girl in his room was this wacky, crazy idea that couldn't possibly be true. As if Zell would never, ever have the balls to invite a girl into his room, nor would any girl willingly enter of her own free will.

Infuriating. And embarrassing. Zell blushed all the way to his scalp and shrank a little in his chair.

“That's not what this is about,” Squall said.

“Oh. Then what's the deal?”

“Students and faculty have some concerns,” Squall said. “About his behavior. I know your room is next to his. Have you observed anything unusual?”

“Well, he reads Centran poetry aloud out in the hallway for no reason,” Zell said. “And he has screaming matches with himself in his room. Thinks I'm still his student...”

“Hmm.”

Zell waited for more but Squall didn't elaborate. Squall drummed his fingers on the desk, nodded to himself and and cleared his throat.

“Next time you encounter a student out without a pass, call it in,” Squall said. “Especially Almasy. Less because he's out of bounds but because he's going to get himself killed. You understand what I'm saying?”

“Yes, sir,” Zell said.

“I might as well tell you,” Squall said. “Expect a field exam in the next week or so. It's going to be a long one. I'll need you to assist with grading.”

Inwardly, Zell groaned. He was a grader for the last one, and it was so boring and stupid, and not at all like the craziness that was their field exam. It barely qualified as a mission, as far as Zell was concerned.

“That's all I've got for you,” Squall said. “You're free to go.”

Zell fully expected to be lectured, reprimanded, made to feel two inches tall, and that hadn't happened. He expected Seifer to say something that would get him into trouble, and as he walked out, he wondered what kind of game Seifer was playing. It was unlike him to take the blame, for anything, even when it _was_ his fault.

Seifer waited, his back to the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, drumming his fingers against his arm. He looked at Zell passively as Zell motioned for him to follow to the elevator. Neither man said a word until the elevator door was closed behind him. Zell hit the emergency stop button and turned on him.

“The hell was that?!”

“You need this place,” Seifer said. “I don't.”

“That's a lie,” Zell said. “You don't have anywhere to go.”

“Exactly,” Seifer said. “I can't leave, and Cid won't throw me out, no matter what I do.”

“Could be worse,” Zell said. “You could have ended up in some Estharian prison.”

“Does it matter?” Seifer asked.

“I dunno,” Zell said with a shrug.

“Is there some reason you felt it necessary to stop the elevator?” Seifer asked, eyes twinkling in the artificial light.

“I...um...just thought this would be a bigger argument,” Zell said.

“Is that so?” Seifer stepped toward Zell with a grin.

Zell stepped back and instinctively readied himself for another round of weirdness. He bumped into the elevator wall as Seifer invaded his personal space and he turned his face up to him, half in defiance, half in challenge, and half in curiosity. That was too many halves, but that was how conflicted Zell was.

Seifer hooked a finger under the waistband of Zell's sweatpants, pulled the elastic away from Zell's hips and chuckled as he peered into Zell's pants.

“Cactuar," Seifer said.  "Do you own any grown-up underwear, Dincht?”

 “Whatever, dude,” Zell said and shoved him away. “Like you have any right to judge.”

“So has Trepe seen these yet, or are you two waiting for the wedding?”

“What?” Zell asked. “Why would Quistis be looking at my underwear?”

“The message boards are all talking about your _secret affair_ ,” Seifer said. He added a soft chuckle. “She know you made out with me before you felt her up in front of all your townie friends?”

Zell gagged a little.

“First of all, just 'cause you tried to stick your tongue down my throat doesn't mean we made out,” Zell said. “Second of all, what the _hell_ are you talking about?”

Seifer just grinned and hit the emergency stop button to get the elevator moving again. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall, smug and silent as Zell pondered his words.

“So, people are saying me an' Quistis are a thing?” Zell asked as the elevator jerked to life. “Like we're a couple?”

“I hear there's photo proof,” Seifer said. “Haven't seen them myself, but rumor is, you two looked pretty familiar.”

“Familiar? We went to the beach yesterday, but nothing happened,” Zell said. “We played volleyball and hung out but it wasn't like, a _date._ ”

“Like I ever believed it was true,” Seifer said. “Trepe's smokin' hot and she can do _way_ better than you.”

“Hey!” Zell cried, indignant.

“Spare me the outrage,” Seifer said. “You and I both know you're not into her.”

Zell snorted as the elevator doors opened.

“And I suppose you think I'm into _you_ , right?” he asked.

“All I'm saying is, you didn't put up too much of a fight, did you?”

Zell was about to fire something sarcastic back at him, but he noticed everyone in the main hall was staring and whispering as they descended the short flight of steps from the elevator. His cheeks warmed and he glanced around to find all eyes were on him. Some of them looked awed and impressed, but others looked pissed.

“What the...” he muttered. “Why are they staring at me like that?”

“Hmm, I'd assume it's because they believe you defiled their Queen,” Seifer mused.

“But I didn't!”

“No one needs to know that,” Seifer said. “Weren't you bitching about how girls didn't notice you? Well, now they do.”

Seifer stalked ahead of Zell and pushed through the crowd of whispering students on their way to first period, leaving Zell feeling like a plump Balamb Fish caught up in a school of sharks.

 

* * *

 

Quistis was used to being stared at and talked about by the students and staff. She knew about TrepeWatch and their odd collections of articles and jabberwocky about what she ate lunch, and the photos that documented her every move. She knew about it, but she ignored it and pretended it didn't exist. There was no way to make the site go away, and there was no way to stop them from speculating on what her dietary habits meant, and she didn't care that they took and posted photos of the slightest differences in her appearance, but this was ridiculous.

They weren't even that incriminating, but it would figure, the one time Quistis dared to wear a somewhat skimpy two-piece bathing suit and act her age would be the one time some Trepie caught it on camera and shared it with the world.

This was why Quistis rarely did anything even remotely interesting where anyone could take pictures of it. Because they would.

She wanted to be mad at Zell for this, but it wasn't his fault. He was just much a victim as she was, and the unfortunate soul who happened to get caught on camera with her.

They had a nice day together. Good food, a change of scenery, a relaxing afternoon at the beach. Zell's friends were fun and respectful and treated her like she was a normal person.

And now there was this.

She heard the whispers in the hall and in the cafeteria, and as she approached the table where her friends gathered for lunch, she could tell Rinoa and Selphie already knew about the rumors. She took her usual chair with a huff as Rinoa gave her that look, and she pretended not to see it.

“So...” Rinoa said. “Something you want to tell us?”

“I can't imagine what you mean,” she said and stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork.

“There's this rumor going around, about you and Zell,” Rinoa said. “But I thought you and Xu were a thing?”

Quistis' posture collapsed and she dropped her head into her hands.

“Does everyone know about that?”

“Pretty much,” Squall said from behind his newspaper. “Was it supposed to be a secret?”

“Oh, Hyne. Kill me now,” Quistis moaned. “And it's not a thing.”

“...whatever,” Squall said. “You should be a little more discreet about these things if you don't want it out there.”

Squall didn't understand. Students didn't stalk him with cameras or document every second of his day in online forums.

“Of course,” she said calmly. She gathered her lunch. “I just remembered, I have something very important I need to take care of.”

“Something like Zell?” Selphie teased.

Quistis threw a wadded up napkin at her and turned on her heel, chin raised with a haughty, put-on air like nothing bothered her at all.

 

* * *

 

By late afternoon, people who never spoke to Zell were greeting him in the hallway. He got high-fives from random SeeDs and sunny smiles from girls who never looked at him twice, SeeDs and Cadets alike.

It was so _weird_.

He put off returning library books for days because he didn't want to face Angie after her rejection, but if he waited until her day off, they would be overdue. He sucked it up, collected them from his room and made his way to the library, unaware of the small gaggle of angry Trepies following a few paces behind.

It was his unfortunate luck that Angie was working the desk, and he greeted her formally as he slid the books across the counter and tried not to feel the sting of her game all over again. She peered at him with sad puppy eyes as she checked the books back in one at a time.

“So you and Quistis?” she finally said.

Zell just shrugged. He'd seen the pictures and endured Seifer's taunts and all the whispers, but he didn't really see what the big deal was. The pictures weren't that scandalous in his opinion, and looked like what they were – two friends spending an afternoon at the beach. It wasn't like the mystery photographer had caught them kissing or something.

“She's very pretty,” Angie said.

“Sure,” Zell agreed.

“So you're taking her to the social?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm sure you guys will have fun together,” she said sullenly. “I'll be going by myself, since it's too late to find a date...”

Zell hummed in sympathy, but he didn't have any for her. She missed her chance to go with him, and that was her own fault for trying to trade up.

“Tough break,” he said and took his library card back. “See ya 'round.”

When he returned to the hall, the group of Trepies stood shoulder to shoulder, a wall of unhealthy obsession intent on ruining his day.

“Yo, move it,” Zell barked, “you're blocking traffic.”

There were disgruntled grumblings among them and Zell's patience was running out.

“You better not do anything untoward to Instructor Trepe,” the tallest of them, a young man in a SeeD uniform said. “We're warning you....”

“Yeah? Or what?” Zell snapped. “You'll fight me?”

“Worse.”

Zell had enough. He lifted his fists and stared at them. “Fine. Who wants to go first?”

They all stared back, wide eyed and confused.

“Come on. Let's get this over with,” he said. “You want a fight, I'll give you one.”

A girl in plain clothes launched herself at Zell and tackled him to the floor, screeching like she'd had personal lessons from Selphie. He hit the floor hard and was too shocked to retaliate or restrain. She grabbed a fist full of Zell's hair as the others dogpiled on him and Zell was pinned to the floor by the collective mass of Trepe mania and their burning desire to maim him for daring to rub Quistis down with suntan lotion.

Hands seized him under the armpits and dragged him out of the pile. He kicked and screamed and fought until a hand clamped over his mouth and he was lifted to his feet.

“Shut up, or they'll realize they're not fighting you anymore, stupid,” Seifer hissed in his ear. “Walk away slowly and they won't spot you.”

Zell nodded and Seifer let go of his mouth, and he backed away from the scene, where the Trepies were now fighting each other, unaware that Zell was gone. Beside him, Seifer did the same, but he grinned from ear to ear when a female Trepie with braids popped up like a gopher from a hole, looked around and spied them.

“He's getting away!”

“Oh, shit,” Zell mumbled.

“I'd start running if I were you,” Seifer said.

And that's exactly what Zell did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscriptions! Super glad so many are enjoying this silliness!


	7. Catfish

Zell bolted as the Trepies rose as one with a renewed, common goal, which definitely involved bodily harm and probably mutilation and possibly death. Seifer followed him, surprised at how fast Zell could run for someone with such short legs. He hung a right into the Training Center and Seifer struggled to keep up. Behind him, the Trepies loomed, their footfalls a cacophony of impending violence more ominous than a horror movie soundtrack.

The Training Center was a wise choice. The T-rexaurs were a threat, but the place was huge and there were plenty of places to hide out until the coast was clear. Shouts echoed behind them as Zell darted deeper into the foliage and down a narrow path, scrambled over some boulders and rocks and ducked into a small but cavernous recess in a wall of stone. Breathless, Seifer ducked in behind him and pressed his back to the cool rock behind him.

"Shit!" Zell breathed. "They're gonna kill me!"

"Keep it down, stupid," Seifer hissed.

Voices drew closer and Seifer held his breath and listened as the Trepies organized a search of the grounds.

"Shit!" Zell cried again.

"Did you hear something?" a voice from above wondered.

Seifer lunged forward and clamped his hand over Zell's mouth before he could react and potentially give away their location. Zell made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a groan as Seifer dragged him deeper into the narrow space and pressed them both into an alcove that shielded them from sight should someone discover the space.

Zell pried Seifer's hand away from his mouth, his sneer barely visible in the weak light.

"Cut it out," Zell hissed. "I'm not a three-year-old."

"Then quit announcing our location, stupid," Seifer hissed back.

There was almost no space between them as they sat shoulder to shoulder in silence, listening to the thrash of bodies through the underbrush and the chatter of the Trepies as they continued their search.

Seifer saw the pictures, his curiosity piqued after literally everyone in cafeteria at breakfast buzzed about it. It was such an unlikely pair, and the rumors so salacious, Seifer couldn't help himself, but there was nothing terribly improper about any of them. Sure, it was overly-friendly but it was far less shocking than he expected after such a build-up.

Zell's surprise earlier in the day told Seifer there was nothing going on. It was too genuine, and Zell's capacity for deception was lacking except when it came to those truths about himself he wasn't ready to face. Maybe Zell wasn't into Seifer, but he _was_ curious, and that offered endless opportunities for torment and experimentation on a new and more interesting level.

Seifer wasn't so deluded he could pretend he wasn't curious himself. The kiss at the restaurant was nothing more than a bail-out, at least, that's what he intended. No one deserved an assault on their person by Balamb's most notorious connoisseur of good looking young men, not even Dincht.

When Seifer came upon that scene, he found it hilarious at first, but whatever the woman did to him left the martial artist rattled and upset in a way that called to mind the after-effects of Ultimecia's hold on Seifer. Dincht wore his heart and his emotions on his sleeve and whatever she'd done, it was at least in part, a violation. Seifer could be a cold and insensitive bastard at times, but even he wasn't so heartless that he didn't understand how bad that felt, and so, he stepped in to lend a hand and refrained from his usual sort of ridicule.

What a surprise to find Dincht kissing back. True, Dincht kissed like the inexperienced kid he was, but his response was too sincere to be a show. And what a surprise that Seifer actually enjoyed it. Especially after seeing evidence of Zell's interest first-hand the following morning. It was pretty tough to deny the bulge in those ridiculous cartoon boxer shorts – something Seifer didn't comment on at the time, but he noticed, _oh how_ he'd noticed and now he couldn't get it out of his head.

Long ago, Seifer figured out that liked passionate and beautiful people, and he was not at all discerning about what gender. From pretty brunette freedom fighters to tall, slender blondes with great tits and big brains, and broad-shouldered, barrel chested Galbadians, and apparently, short martial artists that were cut like stone and too damn precious for this world.

His first sexual experience, besides make-out sessions and light petting in the Training Center's secret area, was with a Galbadian transfer student when he was fifteen. One minute, he was not-so innocently admiring the abdominal v of the guy's stomach in the locker room and the next, found himself sneaking out to fool around with him after curfew.

It never occurred to him to feel weird about it. It felt too good to care and there was something about the forbidden, taboo nature of breaking the rules that only heightened the appeal.

Now, as he sat in tense silence next to Dincht he wondered what the hell he thought he was doing. Maybe Dincht really didn't know what he wanted, but Seifer knew what he wanted wasn't Dincht. The very idea was laughable.

Yet, there he was in some rabbit warren that stank of wet earth and mildew and grat spoor, hiding from a pack of rabid Trepies out for blood, and all Seifer could think about was pinning Dincht down in the dirt and finding out how much he could get away with before Dincht knocked him senseless.

"Goddamn it," Zell muttered. "I got things to do."

"And I don't?" Seifer asked. "I'm on a short leash. If I don't show up for check-in, I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing sunshine any time soon."

"Aww, don't sweat that," Zell said. "Squall will understand if I explain it to him, and to be honest with you, he and Xu have been looking for a reason to disband the Trepies for a while, so this'll probably help their cause."

Seifer didn't really care. There wasn't anything Cid or Squall or even Xu could do to him that was worse than what Ultimecia did, and he didn't fear any of their so-called disciplinary action. He would just rather not be here, tempted by that which didn't make sense.

"I can't believe we're hiding from a bunch of pathetic Trepies," Zell complained.

"How did you know this was here, anyway?" Seifer asked.

"This used to be where I hid when you came after me."

His voice took on a darker, huskier tone that Seifer found he rather liked, except for the reminder about what an asshole he was. Zell was not the only one they messed with, just the most frequent target and mostly because his reactions were spectacular.

"Sometimes, I'd stay way past curfew," Zell said. "Just so you guys wouldn't do mean shit to me..."

"Chicken," Seifer said without malice.

"Shut up!" Zell shouted. "Maybe it was fun for you, but it sucked for me! You think I could help being the short kid? Huh? _Do you_? Like it was _my_ fault I didn't grow?"

Seifer opened his mouth to appease him but Zell wasn't done. His hand made a fist in the collar of Seifer's shirt and gave it a good, hard yank.

"You're such an asshole," Zell spat. "I never even did anything to you!"

"I know," Seifer agreed. "I was an asshole, now shut up."

"You're _still_ an asshole."

"Shut _up_ ," Seifer warned. "They're still out there somewhere."

Zell gave Seifer's shirt another hard yank and shook Seifer some more.

"You made my life a living hell!"

"Yeah, I know," Seifer hissed, "but I'm going to need you to shut your mouth, right now. They're coming back."

Zell's face was only inches from Seifer's and a low growl emanated from his throat. Seifer could smell a hint of laundry soap and the musk of cologne mingled with the damp earthiness of their hiding place. Seifer's heartbeat kicked up a notch, and not out of fear.

" _I thought I heard something over there!"_ a voice called.

"Don't you tell me what to - !"

Seifer cut him off, not with a hand over his mouth, but with his lips, as big a mistake as that was. There was a good chance this action would be met with a swift and merciless fist to the face, but Seifer found Zell's anger and close proximity an intoxicating combination.

Zell yelped and clamped a hand around Seifer's bicep as Seifer claimed his lips, but he didn't pull back or start swinging. Seifer took the opportunity to kiss him deeper, to which Zell responded with a sound that was halfway between a whimper and a groan.

If the first time Seifer kissed him was a bail-out, the second time was a goof intended to rattle him.

This, the third time, was supposed to shut him up.

At least, that was what Seifer told himself.

Though Zell's fingers dug into Seifer's arm hard enough to leave bruises, he was kissing back. Hesitantly, but he was actually kissing Seifer back and he wasn't even fighting it.

At the first caress of Seifer's tongue against his, Zell made a sound low in his throat that was nothing but pure _want._ Seifer echoed the sound without meaning to, his body reacting before his mind registered what was actually happening. By the time the part of his brain that was capable of rational thought caught up, it was way too late.

But Hyne did it feel good. Seifer, in his mid-teens earned a reputation as the make-out bandit, having kissed way more of his fellow cadets than was prudent, but he couldn't recall _ever_ kissing anyone and reacting with such immediate and intense lust before.

The irony of wanting Dincht of all people was ridiculous, but it was mutual. Dincht could say what he wanted. He could protest as loud as he liked. He was kissing back. As insane as all this was, as pointless and stupid as it was to pursue a guy he couldn't stand, the more Seifer teased, the more he wound up wanting.

That was a problem, but it was too late to take it back.

" _I don't see anything!"_

" _They have to be here. The exit is covered."_

Zell cuffed Seifer upside the head with the heel of his hand and Seifer reeled back, wincing as pain flared in his temple and cheekbone.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Zell hissed, breathless and still clutching Seifer's bicep. "Knock that shit off!"

"I had to shut you up somehow," Seifer said. "You didn't have to hit me."

"The hell I didn't," Zell said in that low, husky tone again. This time there was a warning in it. Maybe even a challenge. "I'll break your nose the next time, you hear me?"

His tone made it clear he meant it and Seifer grinned into the darkness.

Challenge accepted.

* * *

The Trepies finally gave up their search three hours later, when the chime sounded for curfew. Zell heard their curses and their brief conversation about coming up with a plan B, which involved ambushing him in his room or assaulting him during breakfast.

It was so stupid. All because of a few pictures? He made a mental note to talk to Squall in the morning. If they were so rabid about protecting Quistis that Zell had to hide from them, something needed to be done about it. It was bad enough they had a whole website devoted to all things Trepe, but when they got militant about potential suitors, they were taking it a step too far.

Beside him, Seifer slept with his head against arms folded over his knees. He snored softly, his shoulder pressed against Zell's. Zell elbowed him in the ribs, lightly at first, and then harder when he didn't wake.

Seifer came to with a grunt and a bit of lip smacking.

"The hell?" he murmured.

"You're welcome to stay here all night," Zell said. "I'm taking off."

"Hmm?"

Seifer laid his head against Zell's shoulder and started to snore again.

"Wake the hell up!" Zell barked and threw his elbow into Seifer's ribs again. "Time to go."

Seifer just grunted.

The guy slept like the dead. It was a miracle he survived the junior cadet years, when they were randomly woken to participate in drills at odd hours to train them to sleep with one eye open.

It took two more tries before Seifer woke up and Zell wasn't sure why he didn't just leave him there. Maybe he owed Seifer for bailing him out repeatedly, but Seifer owed him for years of humiliation and the more recent sexual harassment. At this point, Zell was inclined to think they were even, but he doubted Seifer would see it that way.

They crawled out, on alert for lingering Trepies and T-rexaurs but it looked like the coast was clear. Seifer climbed the embankment first, and Zell followed, still seething and more than a little confused about Seifer's newfound fascination with him.

"Wait up," Seifer said as Zell scrambled up the embankment. "Dincht. Wait up."

Zell ignored him and stormed toward the entrance of the TC, in need of a long, cold shower with lots and lots of soap to wash away the dirt and the taste of Seifer's lips.

Hyne, what was wrong with him?

Seifer caught up to him in the hallway back to the main corridor.

"I'm an ass, okay? For what I did to you when we were kids."

"Is that supposed to be an apology?"

"Best I can do," Seifer said.

Zell snorted and shook his head. Seifer apologized for nothing. The word sorry was not part of his vocabulary unless laced heavily with sarcasm.

"Truce?" Seifer asked.

"Prove you're serious and I'll think about it."

"Fair enough."

Out in the main corridor, small parties of SeeDs roamed. Some checked behind bushes. Others peered into the fountain. One or two spoke into small radios.

Squall and Xu stood a few paces away, conferring with their heads close together. Zell shoved his hands in his pockets and approached them. They needed to know all about how nutty the Trepies actually were.

They turned as one and Xu scowled at something behind him.

"Where the hell have you been, Almasy?" she demanded. "You were supposed to check in at curfew."

Squall crossed his arms over his chest.

"Disciplinary room, now," Squall said.

"Oh, wait, hey guys," Zell cut in. "It's not his fault!"

Squall looked at Zell with suspicion.

"You're covering for him?"

"No! The Trepies are crazy," Zell said. "See, the thing is, me and Quistis have been hanging out, and I guess they don't like that so much and they took a bunch of dumb pictures or whatever, and now they're after me!"

"What does that have to do with Almasy?" Xu demanded.

"He's the reason they didn't beat me to a pulp," Zell said. "They had us trapped in the TC for hours."

"Zell, you're a Rank A SeeD. You're telling me you can't handle a couple of Trepies?"

"Sure, a few, but there were like thirty of them. We didn't stand a chance."

"That really how it went down?" Squall asked. "Or is there some reason you're covering for him?"

"Is he blackmailing you?" Xu asked. "It's okay. You can tell us the truth."

"Hyne almighty," Seifer muttered. "It's _Dincht_. What the hell could I blackmail him for? Overeating? Reeking of hot dog water? Unauthorized use of extra relish? Give me a break."

Squall's mouth twitched. He actually struggled to keep from laughing. Zell never wanted to hit Squall before, but he did right then. It took some effort, but Zell kept his cool.

"You gotta do something about them," Zell insisted. "They're literally a bunch of stalkers. If they're crazy enough to chase me down for being a friend, imagine what they might do to her."

"I've been telling you that for years, Leonhart," Xu said. "Now will you listen?"

"Fine," Squall said. "Effective immediately, the Trepies are disbanded. Xu, see that their fan pages are disabled on Garden Servers and issue a stern warning that offenders that overstep the boundaries will be dealt with."

"Yes, sir," Xu said.

Her smile was victorious. She didn't even try to hide it as she walked way.

"I expect a written statement from both of you on my desk by noon tomorrow," Squall said. "Almasy, you're late for check in."

With that, they were dismissed. Zell turned to Seifer to offer his gratitude, but found he'd retreated inside his own head, a dark and distant look in his eye.

"Almasy."

"What?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Fujin typed furiously on Seifer's laptop, immersed in a conversation with Hotdog0317 on BalambSinglesMingle. She used the handle _hannabanana223_ , which was her personal account.

Sort of. The pictures were all stock photos of a cute young woman with a perfect little nose, a bright smile and two good eyes.

Seifer and Raijin didn't know about it, and she planned to keep it that way. They didn't need to know she was looking for something beyond their Posse, something neither of them could give her.

She suspected the owner of the account was Dincht, based on information the user provided and the handful of blurry pictures available. Ever since the day they bonded over mutual troubles with friends, Dincht had been on her mind.

It was hard to admit, but she had a bit of a crush. He was nicer to her than she deserved after the things she and the Posse did to him when they were kids. It seemed so mean and stupid now to tease him for something he couldn't change about himself and no different from Fujin's own tormentors about her eye and her speech.

He was nice, and he encouraged her to continue her mechanical studies when no one else noticed her skill. He went out of his way to cheer her up.

And what had she give him? Years of bullying.

Hyne. She was a terrible person.

She didn't expect their chats to go anywhere, but the more they talked under the guise of anonymity, the more she grew to like him.

It was a shame this all stared as a joke. Now she wished she hadn't made up a story. Dincht would never know it was her, and he would never forgive her if she showed up for their impending date and admitted to be pretending to be someone else.

It was just a crush, and she was just torturing herself. There was no point in continuing the ruse if she didn't plan to actually do anything about it. And it wasn't like she wanted a physical relationship. She wasn't emotionally equipped for that, but that didn't mean there wasn't a longing in her heart for affection.

She closed her eyes and waited for the ding of his return message. When it came, she read it and smiled.

 _ **Hotdog0317**_ : _I really like you. I feel like we've known each other for ages. How is that possible?_

Fujin sighed and knew what she had to do.

It was time to tell the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but long overdue. 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments!


	8. Without a Paddle

Zell woke at a quarter to 5 in the morning to the PA system chime.

He rolled over, covered his head with his pillow and groaned. He went to bed late, as the attack of the Trepies not only delayed his lesson planning but added another task to his already heavy workload.

"All instructors and admin, please report to the commander's office, ASAP."

Zell tossed the pillow aside and hauled himself out of bed. Squall mentioned a field exam, but Zell didn't expect it so soon.

He dressed in uniform and from his desk grabbed his report to turn in to Squall.

Upstairs, everyone gathered around the coffee pot to combat the early roll-call with a dose of caffeine. There were murmurs and grumbles about the early hour, and only Selphie looked wide awake.

She waved when she spotted him and bounced toward him, but Zell turned his back on her and wandered to the other side of the room. She was not yet forgiven. She had not apologized. Zell planned to give her the cold shoulder until she did.

"Everyone take a seat," Squall said. "We have a lot to cover."

Zell took the empty seat beside Quistis and noticed a few raised eyebrows around the table. They had not spoken since their day at the beach, but her blush said she'd seen the pictures and heard about how riled up the Trepies were. He wished he could let her know it would pass, but now was not the time to discuss it.

"The daughter of a prominent Galbadian politician has been kidnapped by a conservative militia group in protest of a proposed bill up for vote in the senate," Squall said. "They have threatened to kill her if their demands are not met."

Squall pulled up an aerial shot of the mountains near Dollet.

"Why did it take five days to respond?" Zell wondered aloud.

He covered his mouth and mentally kicked himself in the skull for questioning the commander's decisions. Off the clock, they were friends and free to talk freely. In here, Squall was not his friend. He was Zell's boss.

"Sorry. That just kinda came out," Zell said.

"It's fine. I'm sure everyone was asking themselves the same question. We needed to locate their hide-out before we planned our assault, which required Esthar's assistance," Squall said. "Five hours ago, a satellite image confirmed."

He pointed to a speck on the screen. Zell couldn't tell what it was.

"This location is a problem," Squall said. "The rebels are likely to kill her if they see or hear us coming, therefore the usual methods of insertion are not viable at this time. It's imperative that we keep a low profile."

Squall switched the screen to a breakdown of the rebels they sought. Zell scanned it and committed it to memory.

"Unfortunately for those of you assigned to grading, that means your participation is dual – you will grade performance, but you will also be paired with a team. Your job is not to lead, but to ensure they do not go rogue on us and they use the utmost discretion in their approach. Failure is not an option. If she dies, it will have global implications."

Zell glanced at Quistis and took note of her worry.

"You and your teams will receive your individual assignments en-route. Prepare to be engaged for two or more days," Squall said. "If there is anything you need from your rooms or from the infirmary, please collect it now. We will meet in the quad in thirty minutes. Dismissed."

Zell stood up, patted Quistis on the arm, and approached Squall.

"Here's my report," he said.

Squall took it and gave it a cursory glance.

"Thanks," he said. "A moment?"

"Sure," Zell said. "S'up?"

"I need to let you know ahead of time, I'm pairing you with Almasy."

"What?! Why?"

"I thought you two were friendly," Squall said.

"We're not."

Squall rubbed his eyes and his shoulders drooped.

"I need him to pass, Zell."

"I don't think I can help with that," Zell said. "Seifer's going to do what he wants."

"If he doesn't, Galbadia's going to reconsider their position on his pardon," Squall said. "They allowed his conditional freedom with the expectation that he would be rehabilitated and become a SeeD, not remain a perpetual student."

"No offense, sir, but I'm not the one who made that agreement."

"Neither am I," Squall said. "But the responsibility falls on my shoulders, and I'm going to have to answer to them if he fails. So help me out and keep him out of trouble."

Zell chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'll do my best, but I can't work miracles, you know."

"I know," Squall said. "I owe you one."

"You owe me big."

Squall smiled.

"Thanks."

"I'll let you know later if you're welcome or not."

"Fair enough."

* * *

Seifer sat aboard a SeeD gunboat, having flashbacks from the last excursion aboard one.

That was the last time he felt like he had a shot at making something of himself. After that, nothing was the same.

He wouldn't dwell on it. It was over and done with. He did what he did, and there was no taking it back.

Zell sat across from him, his arms folded over his chest and his knee bounced at a rapid and annoying pace. At least this time he wasn't shadow-boxing in the corner, but it still irritated him.

"You're like a damn toddler," Seifer griped. "Can't sit still for five seconds."

Zell's stare was cool and unusually calm and his knee continued to bounce. Now he was doing it just to be irritating.

"Maybe you should look over that mission briefing again, Captain," Zell said. "And check your equipment instead of trying to pick a fight. They dock you points for that, you know."

"This is my fourth time," Seifer said. "I know what they expect."

"That's nothing to be proud of," Zell said. "Now be quiet before you get yourself disqualified."

Seifer opened his mouth, then abruptly shut it. It wasn't often Seifer found himself without a snarky come-back, but something about Zell's mood left him at a loss for words.

He got up and checked the four survival packs he was issued when he received his orders and team assignment. Each contained basic survival equipment – protein bars, water purification tablets, an ultra-thin thermal sleeping bag, various supplies like rope and matches, potions, bandages and other first-aid supplies. He found all four properly equipped, set them aside, and retrieved his mission briefing.

It would take a day and a half to reach the summit, where the rebels held a young woman hostage. No name was given for said hostage, only that she was important and must be found and returned alive. Seifer, Raijin and a second team member, whose name he already forgot, would follow a deer trail up the southern side of the mountain. It was their job to take out the rebels at their camp, by any means necessary, so long as the hostage was not killed in the attack. Other teams would lie in wait as back up and patrol the area to eliminate any threat prior to Seifer's charge.

As far as field exams went, it was a lot more exciting than usual. At least this time, he would get the chance to show what he was made of.

It went without saying that Squall, Zell and Xu were his back-up, should he fail. But if he failed, he suspected it was the end of the road for him. No one said it out loud, but he saw Squall's face when he told him that failure was not an option.

SeeD was never Seifer's dream. It was never his true goal, just a means to an end. But what that end really was, Seifer was never really clear on. Glory. Victory. Notoriety. Fame. They all had their roots in a deep-seeded need to be recognized.

He was recognized all right, but not in the ways he wanted or expected.

Failure was not an option. Not for Garden, and not for himself. He was not given a choice but to succeed if he wanted to hold onto his limited freedoms. If he failed, his future was going to get a lot darker.

It was a surprise how much he valued the freedom he had, for as ordered and structured as his day was, it was better than what awaited him in prison. He wasn't so deluded as to believe he could get away with the things he got away with at Garden, where within reason, Squall and Cid tended to look away instead of issue a reprimand. Xu was another story, but unless she caught him in the act, she avoided any and all contact.

Fujin was assigned a different team. She'd been weird lately anyway, and he didn't know why or how to approach her about it. He could no more put his finger on the cause than he could drag the moon from the sky, and he preferred to avoid the subject. He wasn't good at that kind of thing, and it was best to let Fujin sort things out on her own. If he needed to know, she was not afraid to tell him.

For a while, he studied the map to pass the time, until they landed at Lapin Beach in Dollet and were transferred to a vehicle that would take them to the base of the mountain.

The other cadet, Nyxon drove while Raijin dozed in the passenger seat. Seifer, in the back, sat in awkward silence beside Dincht, who stared out the window at the passing landscape with a far-away look in his eye.

Seifer wondered what was on his mind. Then he cursed himself for inexplicably turning into the heroine of a cheesy romance novel. Who cared what Zell was thinking? Especially when there was a higher than average chance his thoughts revolved around hot dog toppings and strategies to beat the other cafeteria patrons to the front of the line.

It was a strange thing, to want something he used to despise, and he was on unsteady ground as a result. All his past encounters, Seifer knew exactly where he stood. This time around, Seifer was unsure of everything. Including what he wanted out of it, if anything at all.

He read over the mission briefing once more, then dozed for a while. He woke when the vehicle came to a stop on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.

"Squad X has reached the launch point," he said into his radio. "Requesting permission to proceed."

"Granted," Squall said. "Forecast says the temperature will be a few degrees above freezing tonight. Snow is expected, so proceed with caution."

Great. Just what they needed.

"Seifer?"

"Yeah?"

"Go to private."

Seifer switched the radio over to the unmonitored frequency, where their conversation would not be heard on the main channel.

"The others don't think you can pull this off," Squall said.

Seifer rolled his eyes.

"Is that some kind of reverse psychology? Cause that shit doesn't work on me."

"Just thought you should know, Xu's taking bets on how spectacular your failure will be."

"Do I get the cash if I prove her wrong?"

"I'll split it with you."

Seifer paused and let that sink in. Squall bet against his failure? Well, wasn't that something.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know how much you'd hate for Xu to be right."

Well, shit. Now he had no choice _but_ to succeed.

* * *

Zell followed the cadets up the trail, which was more a suggestion of a trail than an actual route. There were times when it disappeared entirely and the were forced to cut their way through undergrowth and climb piles of rocks and boulders until they found the path again.

Seifer was unusually quiet. He did not gloat or bark orders at his team. He didn't run off to do his own thing.

It was so weird and un-Seifer-like that Zell considered the possibility that aliens replaced him with a very convincing body double.

They stopped to rest a few hours into their climb, after Raijin complained he was thirsty. Sunset was only an hour away, but Seifer didn't give the order to set up camp. He sipped from his canteen and stared out over the ridge to the valley below without comment.

Zell sat with his back to a tree and took a moment to write remarks in his score sheet.

"Man, I'm tired, ya know? All this walking's hard on the legs."

"Still have a long way to go," Nyxon said and peered up the mountain. "Maybe we should bed down and get an early start tomorrow."

"We'll keep going," Seifer said. "Topography shows a flat spot about four miles up. We'll camp there."

Zell made a note of that in his log: _Cadet planned ahead. Considered topography._

"What are you writing?" Seifer demanded.

"I'm a grader for the exam," Zell said. "What do you think I'm writing?"

Zell expected a snide answer but Seifer shrugged and turned back to the view.

"Ten minutes," Seifer said. "Drink some water."

Zell leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. If he kept them open, he would stare at Seifer and he didn't want to stare at Seifer. Seifer confused him. Seifer made him doubt himself. Seifer made him curious about things he didn't want to be curious about. Zell had no problem with homosexuality or whatever. To each their own. What consenting adults did was no concern of his.

His problem was how Seifer just decided to mess up his whole life with his weird brand of flirting and his come-ons and his stupid good looking face. It was just a game, but that game seriously threw a wrench in things.

It wasn't a lie, what he told Quistis. Not entirely. He wasn't gay, but there was no way he could say he was straight, either. Until now, he'd never been attracted to a guy, but it wasn't like he was attracted to girls all that often either.

Angie was a bit of an exception, now that he thought about it. It wasn't like him to go nuts over a girl he didn't know very well. It wasn't like him to go nuts over a girl, period.

There was a lot of pressure on guys to act a certain way when it came to girls. They were supposed to be experienced, forward, and confident. They were supposed to be insatiable in their quest to get in a girl's pants. Zell wasn't as interested in that. If he was honest with himself, the whole thing kind of scared him and he wasn't at all comfortable with the idea of duping a girl into climbing in his bed just because it was a thing he was supposed to do.

Was there something wrong with him for wanting more first? For wanting a best friend and confidant before they jumped off that bridge?

Irvine would tell him he was a freak, but the world according to Irvine Kinneas often proved itself more fantasy than anything.

"Dincht, are you going to sit there all night, or what?"

Zell pushed to his feet and stashed his score sheet in his pack.

The sun fell below the horizon and still they climbed. The going was slow, due to a lack of light, the elevation, and the steep trail.

When the trail narrowed to a slim ledge with a deep ravine on one side, and a short vertical wall of rock on the other, Zell questioned whether they could scale it safely in the dark.

"We'll boost Raijin up first," Seifer said. "He can help pull the rest of us up one at a time."

Zell glanced down. There was at least a 200 foot drop into the ravine.

"Dincht, get over here and help me."

There wasn't much space and Raijin was about as cooperative as a cat in a bag. He flailed, tipped backward and Seifer cursed as they struggled to right him again.

"Stop moving, you big dumb idiot," Seifer growled. "You're going to get us all killed."

"I don't like heights, ya know?"

"Then close your damn eyes."

"I don't like the dark, either."

"Oh, for Hyne's sake," Seifer muttered. He turned to Zell. "You wanna deck him or should I?"

"What?"

"Knock him senseless so we can push his heavy ass up over the top."

"I'm not going to punch him."

"Fine. You two boost me up. Raijin will just have to figure out how to get up here on his own."

"You plan on abandoning a team member?"

"If he's not willing to follow fucking orders, then you're damn right I'll leave him behind!"

Zell pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. This was why Seifer should never, ever be allowed to lead a party. He proved over and over again he wasn't capable of being the kind of leader Garden needed. On his own, with considerable leeway about how the job was done, Seifer might succeed. Otherwise, he'd just been set up to fail.

"Let's try it again, okay?" Zell suggested.

"You're not in charge here," Seifer snapped.

"I have the authority to override your decisions," Zell said. "Which will severely affect your grade if you force me to step in. That how you want it to go?"

"Goddamn it."

"Rethink your position," Zell said. "I'll wait."

"I don't need you holding my hand, Dincht."

The wind kicked up and sent an icy chill down Zell's spine. He hated the cold. He hated being cold. He hated snow and ice and all the other things that came with cold weather. Winter apparel was oppressive and lumpy and made him sweat.

He thought about Seifer holding his hand and cackled.

"Yeah? Had me fooled," Zell said. He lowered his voice. "Considering you can't seem to keep your hands to yourself."

"Please. You know I was just fucking with you."

"Where there's smoke, there's fire," Zell said, "but whatever you need to tell yourself, man."

Seifer gaped, blinked a few times, then shut his mouth.

"Whatever, make a decision," Zell said. "It's getting cold."

"Fine. Boost me."

Raijin and Zell made a cradle with their hands and Seifer stepped his big, size fourteen boot into it. Seifer grabbed the edge of the rock as they lifted him, lurched forward and hauled himself over the edge.

"You," Seifer said and pointed to Nyxon. "You're next. Then Raijin."

"Why am I last?" Zell demanded.

"Because reasons," Seifer said.

Zell threw his hands in the air, sure Seifer would leave him behind.

"I'm the smallest and the strongest," Zell said hotly. "Makes more sense for me to go next so I can help you get the others over the edge. Raijin weighs a ton."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself," Seifer said. "Nyles, you're next."

"My name's Nyxon," the cadet said.

"Did I ask you for your name? No, I didn't. I asked you to get your ass up here," Seifer said. "Now move it or lose it."

Zell understood right then, what he said to Seifer rattled him. It was tempting to stoke the fire, but they already ventured too far into unprofessionalism, and Zell did not want Seifer to fail. As annoying as he could be, and as much of a prick as he was, Zell did not want to see him sent to D-district or worse.

Why he cared, Zell did not have time to contemplate.

The rock beneath Seifer's feet crumbled and he slid down the embankment and right into Zell like a bowling ball against a pin. Zell tipped backward, over the yawning chasm below and he flailed his arms to grab hold of something before it was too late.

Seifer seized the front of Zell's jacket and Zell breathed a sigh of relief that he'd been rescued, until he realized his body had gone weightless.

He was falling. And Seifer was falling with him.

They hit the side of the ravine and bounced, once, twice, three times, too many times for Zell to count, crashed into shrubs and trees and other debris that hurt worse than a decent ass-kicking, and finally came to a stop when Zell's pack tangled in the branches of a tree overlooking a fast moving stream.

Seifer wasn't so lucky. He smashed into the water, flailed once, and then went under.

Zell undid the straps of his backpack and scrambled-limped down the embankment. Without thought, dove into the water.

It was _freezing_.

He surfaced with a gasp and looked around for any sign of Seifer. The current was fast, and it swept him along, bashed him against rocks, and tried to suck him under, but Zell was a strong swimmer. He knew better than to fight it.

"Seifer!" he shouted. "Hey!"

No answer.

His body collided with a large boulder and it knocked the wind out of him. For a few seconds, he floated along, breathless and sure he was about to plunge over the edge of a waterfall to his death until a hand shot out and grabbed him by the collar.

"Put your feet down, stupid. It's shallow here."

Zell jack-knifed in the water, put his feet down, and reeled around to a winded but smirking Seifer, who clung to a log for support.

"I thought you drowned, you idiot!" Zell cried.

"Would you miss me if I did?"

"No!"

Seifer only laughed. Then his laughter died away as he surveyed their location.

"Let's get out of here before we freeze to death."

"Good idea," Zell said without humor.

He trudged toward shore, dripping and cold and unsure of how they would survive the night soaking wet.

"My pack's up there," Zell said and pointed upstream. He turned to Seifer, who was not wearing his. "Please tell me you lost yours before you hit the water."

"Nope."

Great. Just great.

"I'll radio command and see if they can send a rescue squad to get us out of here before we freeze to death," Zell said with a sigh.

He reached for his radio, pushed the button. The light did not come on.

"You got yours?" he asked.

Seifer held his out. The light was on, but as Zell reached for it, Seifer fumbled it. The radio hit the surface of the water with a splash, and Zell dove for it.

He felt along the bottom of the stream, found it and held it up in triumph.

The light was off.

They were soaked to the bone and the temperature was dropping, they were short a survival pack, their radios were both dead, and he was trapped in a ravine with his arch-nemesis.

Zell could not imagine a worse scenario than this.

Boy, was he wrong.


	9. Perseverance and Protein Bars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the fic/update dump. Playing catch up and subject to peer pressure. I SWEAR I'm not a machine.

Zell stomped along the riverbank toward his pack and cursed profusely under his breath. He was freezing and tired, it was dark and getting colder by the minute.

In his head, he constructed a list of demands to give Squall upon his return.

No missions to cold places, ever. A restraining order against Seifer. A bigger, fancier dorm. Hot dogs available to him every single day, whether it was hot dog day or not. Exemption from grading exams for the remainder of his tenure at Balamb.

For starters.

"Will you slow down?" Seifer complained.

"Not my problem if you can't keep up."

"What are you so hacked off about?"

"Oh gee, I don't know. Maybe because you can't just go do a thing in a logical way, you have to do it ass backwards and almost get everyone killed to prove you're some kind of badass."

"Wow. Tell me how you really feel."

"You're not capable of taking responsibility for getting us into this situation, are you?"

"No," Seifer said. "I'm not. It's not my fault."

"Of course it isn't," Zell said and rolled his eyes.

"If Raijin wasn't such a damn crybaby -"

"Just shut up, Seifer," Zell said wearily. "I don't wanna hear it."

Up ahead, Zell's pack swayed in the breeze. He breathed a sigh of relief that it was still there, though higher in the tree than he remembered. Had he really jumped that far?

"Shoulda let you drown," he muttered under his breath.

He climbed the embankment and with limbs trembling from the cold, scaled the tree to retrieve it. The branch bowed under his weight as he edged closer to the pack. Below, Seifer watched his progress.

"Instead of standing here, why don't you go scout a spot to bunk down for the night?" Zell said, just as the branch snapped under his weight. "Oh, shit!"

He crashed to the ground in a heap of tangled and broken branches. A bright flare of pain shot through his arm as a bone in his wrist broke with an audible snap. He pressed his face into the dirt to keep from screaming, his quest forgotten.

"Dincht," Seifer said and kicked him lightly in the butt. "You dead?"

Zell gritted his teeth and sat up, his injured arm cradled against his chest.

"You'd like that wouldn't you," Zell said.

Seifer shrugged.

"Not really."

Huh.

Zell cursed as he stood, a little nauseous and a lot dizzy, retrieved the pack and stormed up the embankment as his arm began to throb. He could not concern himself with Seifer right now. It was too cold, he was still soaking wet, and he needed to heal his wrist before he passed out from the pain.

Whatever he broke felt really bad. Zell was no stranger to broken bones, but usually only the bad breaks made him feel this gross. His skin crawled and bile rose in the back of his throat as he stumbled toward a large rock formation that would offer a break from the wind, and sat down on a rock when he grew too dizzy to continue walking.

"What are you doing?" Seifer asked.

Zell shook his head and mentally sorted through his junctioned magic inventory for a full-cure or a curaga.

"You hurt yourself?"

"Shut up."

Seifer tugged his wounded arm away from his chest and held it gingerly in his hands. A misshapen lump formed above his wrist, the bruise and swelling visible in the dark.

"Looks broken."

"No shit."

Before Zell could cast Curaga on himself, Seifer cast it instead. He applied the spell directly to Zell's wound and his skin tingled as the magic flowed into him. The pain in his arm eased, the bone mended itself back together, but Zell still felt sick.

He wiped his uninjured hand over his face and tested his wounded wrist. Still tender, but better.

"You're welcome," Seifer said. "I'm gonna go gather some wood for a fire."

A fire could either be good or bad. Either they risked discovery by the enemy, or a rescue team would see the smoke and get them out of here. Provided Raijin took the initiative to contact command, but he didn't count on it.

He took advantage of Seifer's absence and stripped down to his underwear, laid his clothes over a low-hanging tree branch to dry, then bundled the sleeping bag around himself. Probably the best idea he'd had all day, thoughts of creative ways to kill Seifer notwithstanding.

"Stupid freaking moron," Zell grumbled as he dug through his pack for protein bars. "I should leave him for dead."

The protein bar was not tasty, but was designed to meet caloric and nutritional needs in a situation such as this. It was chalky, with a slight chemical flavor that Zell found repulsive, but he choked it down and chased it with water from his canteen. Hunger sated, there was little to do now but wait for Seifer to return.

When Seifer came back with enough wood to start a bonfire, Zell dug the matches from his pack and offered them.

"Don't need 'em," Seifer said, and set the pile ablaze with a fireball shot from his palm.

Warmth radiated over him as dry tinder and leaves caught fire, and Zell scooted closer and zipped himself inside the sleeping bag, a little smug that Seifer would have to suffer the cold while he was nice and toasty warm. It was Seifer's fault, after all. Let him figure it out on his own.

If Zell was lucky, in the morning, his clothes would be dry and Seifer would have either abandoned him, or froze to death. Either was fine with Zell.

Nearby, his back against a tree, Seifer shivered and glared daggers at him.

"I guess it wouldn't occur to you to share or anything," Seifer said.

"Sleeping bag only fits one," Zell said and settled down to rest. "You're on first watch. If you behave yourself, you can have it later."

Seifer growled under his breath and got up. Zell closed his eyes as the distinct crunch of leaves under Seifer's feet faded away to the east. Either Seifer decided to abandon him or decided to locate his missing pack, which by Zell's estimate, was probably halfway to the ocean by now.

Zell ducked his head inside the sleeping bag and settled down to rest. He dozed for a while but woke a short time later to the scent of cooking meat.

He peeked from the rim of the sleeping bag, curious. A few paces away, a shivering Seifer held a long branch over the fire with a rabbit carcass shoved onto it.

It smelled good. Really, really good, and Zell didn't even like rabbit.

Seifer didn't wake him to share, not that Zell expected him to. He feigned sleep as Seifer made noises of pleasure as he tore bits of meat from the bone and stuffed them into his mouth. It was all show, designed to tempt Zell into asking for some, and Zell was determined not to give in. He didn't need Seifer's stupid rabbit. He still had five protein bars in his pack. He could survive without it.

"I know you're awake," Seifer said. "Why don't you let me use the sleeping bag for a while before I die of hypothermia."

"I'm not the one who lost his pack," Zell said.

"Come on," Seifer said. "It's fucking cold out here."

"Should have thought of that before you went all cowboy and got us trapped down here," Zell said. "Now shut up and let me sleep."

* * *

Seifer's teeth chattered as he stoked the fire and moved as close to it as he could without setting himself ablaze. Not that it would hurt him any, but it wouldn't be wise to run around naked in the woods because he burned his clothes to cinder.

His natural body temperature ran a few degrees higher than most due to his inborn fire magic, and that helped keep him warm, but in these conditions, it wasn't quite enough. Hypothermia was a real possibility and his wet clothes didn't help.

He took a cue from Zell and shrugged out of his jacket and hung it alongside Zell's. Next he stripped off his boots and set them beside the fire to dry, took off his pants and socks, then huddled close to the warmth and folded his arms around his knees.

Hyne, how this sucked. Zell was right. It was his fault. He made the decision to keep going without checking the integrity of the rock they climbed. It was basic stuff and he should know better when there was so much on the line.

D-district was not an option. He was well acquainted with how the place operated and how it treated its prisoners. Many of the guards under his command during the occupation still worked there. They would remember him and how he treated them, and they would pay him back in kind.

He would rather spend an eternity in the MD level at Garden with the rats and other vermin than spend a single day in D-district.

There was no way he could afford to fail this exam, but thanks to his stupid choices, his chances were slim to none.

Xu was right. They were all right. He would never be a SeeD. The very thought was laughable.

Maybe he should run while he had the chance. Disappear into the wilderness and live off the land. Grow a beard. Hide for the rest of his life. He could survive indefinitely out here, even with limited resources. It was do-able, if he put his mind to it.

If that was possible, then why did he see this exam and this situation as an automatic failure? It wasn't over, and it wasn't too late to regroup and take a different approach. Surely, those in charge of grading would understand unexpected circumstances befell him, unavoidable things that hindered his progress. If he could come up with a way around that and still manage to succeed, then perhaps he would receive points for ingenuity and perseverance.

Then again, they were notorious for making up reasons to fail him. He should have passed the exam in Dollet. He was the reason SeeD knew anything at all about the real objective there. But, he failed to follow orders, and orders were all that mattered.

For a while, he thought about his life at Garden and his frustration with being seen as their problem child. He kept out of trouble, for the most part. His excursions outside the walls of Garden and the brawl in Balamb were exceptions. Since he'd been back, he avoided fights and the kinds of pranks he used to pull as a cadet.

Something needed to change, and it was becoming increasingly obvious everything and everyone around him moved forward while he stayed in the same place. He longed for the days before Dollet, when Raijin and Fujin looked up to him like an older brother and followed his lead.

Fujin distanced herself of late, and that anger that used to drive her, the thing that drew Seifer to her in the first place, was fading. She was more serious and driven, and less likely to put up with his shenanigans than before. And Raijin, he too, grew less and less inclined to participate in Seifer's need to make waves.

It occurred to him, they were growing up and growing away from him. If something didn't change, he would lose them, and that thought was something Seifer couldn't bear. What he could do about it, he didn't know, but it stayed with him, the idea that he was stuck and they would eventually leave him behind.

He still had no real desire to be a SeeD, but it was the lesser of two evils. Maybe this was a wake up call, that it was time to grow up. Maybe it was time to stop seeking attention by pushing everyone away while also being an intolerable asshole.

This realization was like standing on the edge of a precipice, faced with the choice of safety there on the ledge, or the chance that he would fly.

He was angry, and he had a right to be. Painted as the world's villain by every news outlet in existence and reviled by his peers for what he couldn't control, it had a way of deepening the anger that was there from the start. Anger was a tool if used properly, but it could consume him, eat him alive from the inside out, and he was aware if he continued on this path, he would destroy himself.

He had to be the one to change. Not Garden. Not his posse. Not Zell or Squall or any of the others, but himself.

It was a heavy thing to realize while stranded naked at the bottom of a ravine.

He sighed and looked over at Zell, sound asleep and all warm and comfortable in his sleeping bag.

A lot of extra fabric there.

The hell it couldn't fit two.

* * *

Zell woke as something cold touched his back. He jumped as a second thing brushed against his shoulder, then Seifer Almasy wedged all of himself inside the sleeping bag, though there was no room for two. The fabric strained around Zell's chest and legs and he squawked as Seifer's freezing skin pressed against his own.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Getting warm. Go back to sleep."

"Oh my god, are you naked?"

"Mostly," Seifer said. "Is that a problem? Cause it seems like you're naked, too."

Zell screamed. Seifer clamped his hand over Zell's mouth.

"Keep it down," Seifer said in his ear. Zell continued to scream. "You want the entire mountain to hear you?"

"Mpphttfbfke!"

"It's not that big a deal, all right?"

Zell bit Seifer's palm and Seifer released him with a hiss.

"Get out of my sleeping bag, you pervert!"

"I'm too cold to bother right now," Seifer said. "So relax."

Seifer slung an arm around Zell's waist and settled in. His hand was like a block of ice and Zell could feel Seifer trembling from the cold against his back. Zell actually felt sorry for him.

"Fine," Zell grumbled. "But no funny stuff."

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean," Zell said. "Try it and I'll kick you out so fast your head will pop off."

Seifer snickered in his ear and Zell got a weird chill that had nothing to do with the cold.

"I suppose you'd prefer to be responsible for the death of a cadet under your watch," Seifer hummed. "I get the feeling the administration wouldn't like that so much."

"Any other cadet, yeah," Zell said. "You? They'd probably thank me."

Seifer fell silent. He sighed and went limp against Zell's back.

"Thanks for reminding me."

"It's the truth, isn't it?" Zell asked. "You want me to lie?"

"Shut up and go to sleep."

Ten minutes later, Seifer began to snore against the back of Zell's neck. He had to admit, it was warmer, but he would die of shame if anyone found out about this. Spooning with Seifer Almasy at the bottom of a ravine was on no one's list of priorities, and it was grounds for endless torment for the rest of his life if word got out.

In the morning, he would make sure Seifer swore on his gunblade that no one would ever learn of this. Ever.

Zell dozed, and was woken by a low moan that he felt more than heard. Confused, he tried to sit up, and then remembered Seifer.

Annoyed, Zell burrowed deeper into the sleeping bag and felt something poke the back of his leg.

Was that...?

Oh, Hyne. Not that. Anything but that.

"GET YOUR BONER OFF ME!" Zell screamed and began to flail.

Seifer hummed and tightened his grip on Zell's waist. Lips grazed over the back of his neck.

"SEIFER! WAKE UP!"

"...the fuck are you screaming for?" Seifer mumbled.

"I dunno, could be the fact that you're a little too excited about something?"

"...oh."

Zell thrashed and struggled to preposition his body so that he couldn't feel it so clearly, but Seifer tightened his grip and _it_ poked Zell in the back of the thigh.

"Quit moving," Seifer growled. "You're making it worse."

" _I'm_ making it worse?!"

"It's involuntary," Seifer said. "It's not you, it's biology, stupid. Now stop wiggling."

Zell ignored him and with difficulty turned over onto his other side so he was facing Seifer and free of the evidence of Seifer's arousal.

"What is wrong with you?" Zell demanded.

"A lot of things," Seifer said. "Why's it so hard to admit you want me?"

"Want you?" Zell said. "You're the one who keeps coming on to me, pal!"

"You sure didn't seem to mind," Seifer said.

"My fist upside your head didn't give you a clue about how much I minded?" Zell asked. "You're delusional."

"And you're in denial."

"I'm not in denial."

"That's exactly what someone in denial would say," Seifer said. "I think the chicken-wuss doth protest too much."

Even in the dark, Zell could see his toothy grin. Hyne, how he hated that smile. And envied it. And wanted to wipe it clean off Seifer's face.

"So much for your truce," Zell said. "But hey, I didn't expect you to keep it, you know, since - "

Seifer swept a hand around the back of Zell's neck and crushed his mouth against Zell's.

"Shut up," Seifer breathed against Zell's lips. "Just shut up."

"I hate you," Zell returned, but his hatred didn't stop him from surging forward to initiate this time.

For a few minutes, Zell lost his capacity for rational thought. All he could focus on was Seifer's lips and the press of Seifer's body against his own. This time, Seifer's arousal was not a simple biological response, nor could Zell pretend his own was just an involuntary reaction.

He hated Seifer's guts, but couldn't stand the idea of making him stop. There was real heat and passion in his kiss, a promise of things Zell could barely bring himself to fantasize about.

"You're a liar," Seifer murmured and his hand wandered lower, over Zell's hip and skimmed along the waistband of his boxers.

It was too much, too fast, and Zell was not sure he even wanted to find how where all this led. He broke free and put both hands against Seifer's chest to force him back.

"What are you doing?" Zell demanded. "I don't even like you."

"Does that matter?" Seifer asked.

"It does to me," Zell said.

"God, what a prude you are."

Zell folded his arms over his chest and ducked his head.

"There's nothing wrong with taking things slow," Zell said. "That doesn't make me a prude."

"What, you want me to slow down?" Seifer asked. "I can do that."

Zell huffed and wiped a hand over his face.

"What if I don't want to do that with you?" Zell asked.

"Clearly, you do," Seifer said.

Zell shoved him. Hard. It sent Seifer onto his back and Zell went with him, over-corrected his landing to avoid landing on top of Seifer, and they began to roll down the low embankment. Zell tried to stop their momentum with his hands, but his recently-injured wrist hit the ground in an awkward way and pain flared up through his fingers and all the way up to his elbow. He braced it against his chest and winced as his head struck something hard.

The river loomed ahead. If they didn't stop they would wind up soaked to the bone again with no protection from the cold. And if that happened, they would surely die.

Zell threw his weight uphill and urged Seifer to do the same. They continued to roll, but slower and slower until they came to a stop with Seifer on his back, Zell above him.

"Well, that was fun," Seifer said.

* * *

Dawn came far too soon. The chirping of birds woke Seifer from sound sleep and he cracked open his eyes to pale morning light. Zell was not in the sleeping bag with him, but huddled beside the dying fire wearing only his boxer shorts.

What an idiot. He would rather freeze to death than stay where it was warm like a rational person. Well, so be it. Let him shiver in the cold like a moron.

Seifer allowed him a few more minutes of rest, then unzipped the sleeping bag. He climbed out and tossed the bag to Zell, then retrieved his clothes from the branches and got dressed.

Zell watched the fire and tightened the sleeping bag around his shoulders.

"So what's our plan?" Zell asked.

"The plan is get the fuck out of here, get our asses up that mountain, and finish the job we were sent to do."

Zell finally looked at him, and it was painfully obvious he did not expect that answer.

"What, you think I'm going to sit around and wait for someone to find us?" Seifer asked as he bundled himself into his jacket. "No thanks. Get dressed."

Zell shot him a look, but rose to his feet, still wrapped up in the sleeping bag. He dressed, rooted through his pack and tossed Seifer a protein bar.

Seifer accepted it without thanks, unwrapped it, and ate it while he surveyed the ridge above. Zell joined him, but stayed outside of Seifer's grasp, as if he suspected Seifer might grab him.

He thought about what Zell said about taking it slow. He suspected there was more to it than just a desire to work up to it. His actions betrayed his words, after all. Seifer just couldn't figure out what that meant.

"See that?" Zell asked through a mouthful of breakfast. He pointed to the south end of the ravine. "Looks like there's a trail, doesn't it?"

Seifer took a look. The rock face was lower there, and in places natural stone steps cut along the wall.

"Worth a shot," Seifer said. "Let's refill our canteens and then check it out."

It wasn't exactly a trail. There were spots where they had to scramble over ledges and rocks and find footholds that wouldn't crumble under their weight, but within an hour, as the sun burst up over the horizon, they found themselves at the top and not so far from where they left the team.

Raijin was nowhere to be found when they arrived, but Seifer didn't expect him to be. Likely, Raijin turned around and headed back down the mountain to call for a rescue squad.

Seifer boosted Zell up the low wall, more careful this time than the last, and then scrambled up himself.

They paused there and Seifer peered down at the ravine below. Smoke from the fire curled up through the trees.

"Probably shoulda put that out," he commented as Zell took a sip from his canteen.

"Too late now," Zell said.

"You got a map?"

Zell handed it over and Seifer crouched down to consult it.

The designated route was a winding deer trail that veered off in the wrong direction at several points. It intersected with another a few miles ahead that was more direct and would put them just below the hide-out. Seifer estimated, it would save them two hours or more if they moved fast.

"Think it's worth it, or would I be disobeying orders by choosing the smarter route?"

"You're asking me?"

"Yeah," Seifer said. "I'm asking you."

Zell considered both routes.

"I wouldn't dock you points for it," Zell said. "Sometimes you have to adjust for the circumstances."

"I did that in Dollet," Seifer said as he folded the map. "I failed because of it."

"That's not why you failed," Zell said. He stood up and hitched his thumbs under the straps of his pack. "You decided to leave the designated patrol area because you were bored. You ran off on us as soon as we got the order to withdraw, then you left us to fight that huge monster and the giant robot-spider mech thing by ourselves. It's not the same thing."

Zell kicked at a rock and it went flying over the edge, bounced once, and disappeared into the treetops.

"Your instincts were right," Zell said. "But you shot yourself in the foot by thinking it would save you from the rest."

Seifer felt like that kicked rock. At the time, he thought he would be praised and rewarded for correctly discovering Galbadia's plot. All he got in return for that information was a thorough dressing down from Xu and a stay in the disciplinary room.

But Zell wasn't exactly wrong, either.

What an idiot he was, for thinking he deserved to pass.

"This is different," Zell said. "A different route won't change our trajectory."

That was good enough for Seifer.

"Of course, it might not spare you from last night."

"What?"

"You almost abandoned a team member, almost killed me, and engaged in inappropriate behavior with your instructor," Zell said. "I have a feeling they won't take that last part lightly."

"You're not seriously going to put that last part in your report," Seifer said. "You're not innocent."

Zell shrugged. "I considered it."

"Why would you do that?"

Zell shrugged again.

"You'd willingly send me to D-district?" Seifer asked. "You hate me that much?"

"Don't I have a reason to hate you?"

Seifer almost punched him. He almost shoved him off the edge of the cliff. If not for the plaintive look in Zell's eye, Seifer would have happily murdered him and left him there. Zell's hurt was real and raw and Seifer understood he was the reason for it, but he couldn't summon the apology that was due.

"If you're just gonna fuck me over, tell me now," Seifer said. "There's no point in this if I'm just going to wind up underground."

Zell said nothing.

"What do you want from me?" Seifer demanded.

"I want you to admit it."

"You're going to blackmail a confession out of me?" Seifer asked. "You want me to tell you how sorry I am for being a dick to you when we were kids? You want me to admit how much I regret it? Well, you can forget it. It's not my problem if you can't get over it, Dincht."

Zell's face hardened and he crossed his arms over his chest. Still, he said nothing.

"You know what?" Seifer said and threw his hands in the air. "I give up. I don't know how to win with you, and I'm not going to try, so I guess I'll see you at the bottom of the mountain."

Zell started to laugh. Just a snort at first, then loud belly laughter that left Seifer angry and baffled at the same time.

"What the fuck is so funny?"

"You," Zell cried. "You would actually rather give up than admit it."

"Admit what?" Seifer demanded. "What do you want me to say?"

Zell wiped his eyes and struggled to stop laughing.

"Nothing, Seifer," he said and his smile fell away. "Make your choice. Up or down. We're wasting time."

Extremely annoyed and completely unsure of Zell's game, Seifer turned on his heel and stormed up the path.

* * *

Raijin sat on the ground beside the vehicle at the base of the mountain and waited for the rescue squad to come retrieve them. It took them most of the night to climb back down, after they got lost twice, and stopped to rest a few times. He was beat, but too worried to sleep.

He hoped they would find Seifer on the way down, but there was no sign of him or Instructor Dincht. He hoped they were okay.

"Man this sucks," Nyxon complained. He kicked the vehicle's tire. "Probably won't pass the exam now."

Nyxon was right. If they couldn't complete their objective, or even get close to the objective, he doubted they would receive a passing grade. Better luck next time, Raijin supposed.

A caterpillar crawled through the grass near his feet. Raijin smiled and offered his finger for it to climb upon. It accepted his offer and he lifted his hand to inspect the fuzzy little wuzzums up close. It was mostly black, with yellow fur and orange spike-like protrusions along its back.

"It's a _lepodoptra mysterie_ ," he said in wonder. "They're really rare, ya know?"

"Awesome," Nyxon said without interest and kicked the tire again.

"After they emerge from their cocoon, they have purple and black wings, ya know? Real pretty," Raijin said. "Man, I wish I could keep it so I can see one for real instead of just in books. Been looking for one of these for a long time."

"I don't give a crap about your bugs right now," Nyxon said.

Raijin shrugged and watched the caterpillar inch its way along his forearm.

"They travel hundreds of miles, just to find a mate," Raijin said. "That's commitment right there, ya know?"

Nyxon glared, but Raijin ignored him.

The sound of gravel against tire alerted him to the rescue squad's arrival. Raijin returned the caterpillar to the grass, stood, and brushed the dirt off his pants.

The vehicle parked next to theirs and Lt. Commander Trepe climbed out. Fujin, Nida and two others joined her.

"Did they radio in?" Raijin asked. "They okay?"

"We haven't heard from them," Trepe said.

"This mean we fail?" Nyxon asked. "Because I don't think it's fair to fail just because they don't know how to climb."

Trepe turned a cool gaze on the young man.

"Your Captain and a Garden instructor are MIA and you're concerned about your grade?" she asked.

Nyxon withered and offered a one-shoulder shrug. "When you put it like that..."

"Nida, please make a note of the candidate's lack of concern for his team."

"You mean like the Captain last night, who almost left Raijin behind because he's afraid of heights?" Nyxon asked. "Because he was going to. Right before he fell into the ravine."

"Hey, no, that's just Seifer bein' Seifer, ya know?" Raijin said. "He wasn't really gonna leave me, he was motivatin' me to stop being a cry-baby. I need that sometimes, ya know?"

"He said -"

"I know what he said," Raijin snapped. "An' I know Seifer. He wouldn't have left me. We're a posse and we stick together. No matter what, ya know?"

Raijin would never, ever believe Seifer would leave him behind for real. Not when he'd said and done stuff like that before. Not when it was always for Raijin's own good.

Trepe nodded and patted Raijin's arm.

"I understand," she said. "You must be worried."

"Really worried, ya know?" Raijin said. "It was a long way down. I'm scared they didn't make it, ya know?"

"We're prepared for that possibility," Trepe said. "But remember, they're tough and resourceful."

"Oh, yeah, Seifer's pretty hard to kill, ya know?" Raijin said. "And Instructor Dincht's little, but he's real strong."

Trepe smiled. "You just described them both in a nutshell."

She turned back to the group that waited by the vehicle.

"Nida, you'll stay here with Nyxon. Raijin will join the search party," she said.

Raijin was overjoyed to be included. He reached out and squished Trepe to him in a tight bear hug and almost wept.

"Thanks a bunch, Lt. Commander," he said. "That's my best friend out there. I wanna find him, one way or the other, ya know?"

"My best friend is out there, too," Quistis said so the others wouldn't hear. "And I couldn't agree more."

* * *

They moved at a fast pace through the woods, climbing ever higher toward their destination. Without others to be concerned with, they were able to keep going without a break for a few hours. The secondary trail proved a better option and they covered more ground, faster.

Seifer suggested a break around noon and they sat down to eat and re-hydrate behind a slate shelf that overlooked the plains.

"Don't put it in the report," Seifer said. "Cut me a break, okay?"

"Why should I?"

"Well, for one, it'll make you look bad," Seifer said. "Pretty sure you'll lose your job, and before you blame me, remember, _you_ kissed _me_ the last time."

"Maybe I'm prepared to take my chances," Zell said. "You gotta give me more than that."

"I don't get you."

Zell took a thoughtful bite of his protein bar.

"You know, when I was a kid, all I wanted was to be your friend. I thought you were so cool, but all you ever did was make me cry. For fun."

"I've already admitted I was an asshole," Seifer said. "What else can I say?"

"An apology would help," Zell said. "I might be a hell of a lot more interested in whatever it is you're trying to do if you didn't just see me as the punchline of a joke."

"So you do want me."

"I don't want to play games," Zell said. "And I don't want to be in it for the sake of fooling around or whatever. I want friends I can trust, not someone who has a history of humiliating me in front of everyone I know and can't even man up and apologize for it."

"When did I humiliate you?" Seifer asked, at a loss.

"The name calling. The wedgies. Pulling down my pants in front of all the girls in the cafeteria that time when I was eight," Zell spat. "The time you dumped a bowl of chocolate pudding down my shorts so it ran down my leg and you told everyone I shit my pants!"

"Okay, I get it," Seifer said and held up his hands. "I get it."

"If you get it, then tell me why I should be remotely interested in you or your future?" Zell asked. "Give me one good reason and I'll never tell a soul."

Zell's eyes were hard and mean and Seifer relented. He leaned back against the stone and let his eyes follow the clouds in the sky.

"You ever get the feeling that you're going to go nuts if things don't change?" Seifer asked.

"That sums up my entire relationship with you," Zell said. "What are you getting at?"

"It's always felt like the world was working against me, you know? Like I did something in a past life that I wound up paying for in this one," Seifer said. "Even when I was a kid, I felt that way."

Zell waited, uncapped his canteen and took a swallow.

"I used to feel invisible, so I made sure everyone paid attention," Seifer said. "I thought it was better to be feared than liked, but the truth is, I _really_ wanted to be liked..."

"You made it really hard."

"I know and that's what I'm getting at," Seifer said. "I can't keep doing things they way I've been doing them. I can't keep making excuses for myself. I have to change, instead of expecting everyone and everything around me to bend to my will."

"I'm not sure if that answers my question..."

"I'm going to keep being a sarcastic asshole, and I'm probably still going to be abrasive and cocky and obnoxious," Seifer said. "It's too late to change that, but I can try to be better. No promises, but I'll try."

"That's it? Your word that you're going to change?" Zell said, skeptical. "Forgive me if I don't buy it."

Seifer closed his eyes and sighed.

"I was a stupid kid who thought being mean would make you respect me and all I did was make you hate me, so from the bottom of my non-existent heart, I'm really sorry for all of it."

Zell's eyes went wide.

"You just apologized?"

"Was I speaking a different language?"

"No, but I wasn't expecting _that_ ," Zell said. "Did you hit your head? You feeling okay?"

Zell lifted a hand to Seifer's forehead and Seifer swatted it away in annoyance. Zell was just messing with him, and Seifer knew it, but it didn't make it any less an insult.

"Do you accept my apology?"

"How do I know you're not lying to me again?"

"Do I have to swear a goddamn blood oath?" Seifer griped. "Because if that's what it takes, I'll do it."

"Blood oaths are for kids," Zell said. "Swear on your friends lives you mean it."

Seifer would not swear on his friends lives, just in case he failed. But there was something else he could offer that would be just as satisfactory.

"You have permission to kick me in the face if I slip back into old habits."

"That's even better. Apology accepted," Zell said. "We should get a move on. Still a ways to go."

Seifer took one last swallow of water from his canteen and got to his feet.

"Assuming I pass, you wanna go grab drinks some time?"

"You'll still be my student."

"I'll drop the class. It's not like I want to make a career of rebuilding motors or something."

"Wait, what are we talking about here?"

"Friends," Seifer said. "Stupid."

Zell's grin was wide and adorable.

As ridiculous as it was, Seifer was pretty sure he'd fallen for the chicken-wuss.

He shook his head at his own hopeless stupidity and led the way up the trail.

* * *

Quistis and team unloaded the vehicle at the mouth of the ravine and she split them into two groups. Fujin would lead one party, and she and Raijin would make up the other.

They scoured the floor of the ravine, one party on each side, for evidence, or worse, bodies. So far, they found nothing. Quistis couldn't tell if that was a good sign or a bad one. If they were alive, they likely hightailed it out of there, and if they weren't, there was a nasty surprise waiting up ahead.

"That looks like a survival pack, ya know?" Raijin said and pointed to a beige lump tangled in debris in the river. "Could be a clue!"

He bounded over to it, stomped into the water, heedless of the temperature and retrieved it. He held it up and carried it back to Quistis, who accepted it and found Seifer's ID number stamped on the back.

"This was Seifer's," she said.

It wasn't a good sign. It meant Seifer, at least, was without necessary supplies. It did not mean he and Zell were dead, just that their situation was a little more difficult than expected.

Further along the riverbank, the other team found footprints in the muddy embankment and the remains of a camp fire.

"We need to cross," Quistis said.

Without being asked, Raijin scooped Quistis into his arms like she was a damsel in distress and carried her across the river. He set her down on the other side, dry as a bone while he was soaked from the waist down.

"That wasn't necessary, Raijin, but thank you."

"Just bein' a gentleman, ya know? Fuu says that's important."

"It is," Quistis agreed. "But, it's also important to remember, our female SeeDs are quite capable, so it's always best to ask first."

"Oh, yeah. That makes sense," Raijin said.

Sweet, wonderful Raijin. People mistook his size for a capacity for cruelty, when it was really the opposite. He was a big, soft, squishy-hearted teddy bear who really had no business in the combat division. He was a strong fighter, but reluctant to strike first because he didn't want to hurt anyone, and smart when it came to things that interested him, but slow to learn things that didn't. Maybe he would benefit from a different role within the organization. Something more suited to his personality.

Quistis smelled the smoke before she found the other team and the fire, and followed the footprints up the embankment. In the dirt, alongside the footprints was a series of scuff marks, as if something were dragged up or down the incline.

At the top, there was obvious evidence someone camped recently. The fire still smoldered and there was a smooth spot where someone obviously slept.

On the ground, next to the fire was a shiny bit of plastic. Quistis bent down and examined it.

It was the corner of the protein bar packaging. The kind SeeDs carried in their survival kit. She picked it up and frowned. It was unwise to leave evidence behind, in case they were being tracked, but Quistis wondered if it was a message that they were fine.

Either way, they weren't here.

So where were they?

* * *

At sundown, they found themselves at the end of the trail. Zell crouched down behind the bushes and double checked his junctions as Seifer readied his weapon. In the clearing beyond, lights blazed in the windows of a shoddy looking cabin. Every now and then, someone paced in front of one of the windows, as if on patrol.

"What's your plan?" Zell asked.

"Create a distraction, then go in the back."

"What kind of distraction?"

"I'm going to light a fire," Seifer said and his eyes gleamed with blood lust. "When they come out, you go around back and get the girl to safety."

"You're going to fight them on your own?" Zell asked. "That's nuts."

"I can handle it," he said. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Leonhart and Xu are right over there."

"Where?" Zell asked and surveyed the landscape.

"Directly across," Seifer said. "Saw a reflection a minute ago."

"What if it's not them?"

"Then I'll kill them too," Seifer said. He paused. "You're juctioned to Quezacotl, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Summon when I light the fire. They'll think the lightning started it. Won't suspect they're surrounded."

It was kind of brilliant. Not fool proof, and pretty risky, but Zell was game to give it a shot.

Zell called upon his old friend, who grumbled a complaint as she woke. She was not happy he rarely unleashed her these days.

She was slow to respond, but when he felt that old, familiar surge of power, he signaled to Seifer, who let loose a massive fireball, so hot it glowed blue. Hit hit a barrel beside the house, just as Quezacotl split the night with crackling bolts of electricity. Flames shot up from the singed grass and the barrel became an inferno.

"Yeah!" Zell said. "Teamwork!"

Shouts rose from inside the house and men poured from the front door to investigate, all of them armed and ready for a fight.

"Go," Seifer whispered. "I'll handle this."

Zell skirted along the perimeter, careful to keep to the shadows, and when he was sure all the attention was focused on the fire, he darted to the back door.

He prepared himself for a battle as he turned the knob and eased inside a small, dirty kitchen. Plates were piled high in the sink and more paper ones covered a table in the middle of the room. A fair amount of beer bottles littered every surface, and a trash can overflowed with more.

At the doorway, he checked both directions before proceeding to the right. He dropped into a crouch and crab-walked until he came to a door with a sliver of light underneath.

It was locked.

Outside, the sound of a brutal fight bled through the walls, the crash of blade against blade, gunshots and howls of pain. Somewhere inside the house, hurried footsteps echoed, and Zell froze. They were moving away from him, not toward, so he contemplated what to do.

"The hell with it," he said and stood up, kicked the doorknob until it broke off, then slid his finger inside the gap and undid the latch.

The door swung open. Inside, a young woman sat in a large recliner, bound and gagged. She stared at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"It's okay," he promised. "I'm here to take you home."

Tears poured out of her eyes as Zell lifted her from the chair and slung her over his shoulder. Now was no time to be chivalrous. He could untie her later. First, he needed to get her to safety.

Outside, the smell of smoke burned his nostrils. The front of the house burned bright orange, and Seifer was a silhouette engaged in a fight of three against one. Four more bodies littered the ground around him.

Seifer's slashes were sloppy, and he favored his left side. He was likely wounded and without back-up, wouldn't last much longer. The idiot was probably riding out his injuries until his limit break kicked in.

Zell sprinted as fast as he could to the shelter of the woods and set the girl down on the ground. He cut through the ropes around her wrists and ankles, then removed the duct tape from her mouth as carefully as he could.

"Stay here," he said. "If one of them comes for you, run. Got it?"

She nodded and scrambled away from him until her back hit a nearby tree and she pulled her knees up to her chest.

Poor kid. She looked to be no older than fifteen or sixteen. His heart went out to her as he dashed away and into the brawl.

He wasted no time and tackled one man to the ground, wrestled him onto his stomach and snapped his neck with a hard twist to the left. Seifer dispatched another, his blade cutting right through the man's middle with a spray of blood.

That left only one, who turned and fired on Zell. Pain flared through his thigh and he stumbled as a flash of blazing silver cut through the night, separating the man's head from his shoulders. The man jerked, threw his hands up, and landed face-down in the dirt.

He twitched, but didn't get up. Not that Zell expected a headless man to just get up and start walking around, but stranger things happened.

Zell pushed up to his knees just as Squall sheathed his gunblade.

"Xu, check the perimeter," he said. "Then find the girl."

Seifer dropped to the ground beside Zell and clutched his side. He hissed in pain, but he looked up at Squall with a wry smile.

"About time you showed up," he said. "Just had to get the final blow for yourself, didn't you?"

"Can't have you hog all the glory," Squall said. "We thought you two were dead."

Seifer started to laugh and cast Zell a sideways glance.

"Teamwork," Seifer said. "All about the teamwork. Right, Dincht?"

"Nah. It was the protein bars," Zell said. "I don't know what you're on about."

Seifer threw an arm around Zell's shoulder and mussed the back of his hair.

Squall stood over them, confused by the exchange.

"Oh yeah, by the way," Zell said. "I've been thinking about how you can pay me back, Squall. I want a bigger room. And I never want to proctor an exam again for as long as I live."

Squall hitched his thumb at Seifer. "He get a passing grade?"

"Yeah. He did all right. I'd pass him."

Seifer flopped back into the grass with his arms flung out and laughed, groaned, and then laughed some more.

"Hyne almighty, you had me going, Dincht," Seifer breathed.

"Payback's a bitch," Zell said. "So, Squall, what do you say? Better room? No exams? And hot dogs any time I want?"

"Done, and done. I'll get back to you on the hot dogs."


	10. Drowning

Seifer's injuries were a lot worse than he let on. He suffered multiple bullet wounds and a deep laceration just above his left hip. He didn't let anyone know until he collapsed from blood-loss on the way to the transport vehicle.

"You idiot," Zell said as he assessed Seifer's wounds. "Why didn't you heal yourself?"

"Issnot tha' bad," Seifer slurred. "Jussa scratch."

But it wasn't just a scratch. The cut was deep and bled freely.  Zell's curaga only did so much to mend the damage, now that they were outside the window for magic to be effective. It stopped the bleeding at least, but Seifer would need stitches and bullet removal, and probably a pint or two of blood when they arrived at Triage at the base of the mountain.

Squall helped him load Seifer into the transport vehicle. Xu drove while Squall filled him in on how the rest of the mission went.

Instructor Aki wandered away from his team and was found in a tree, naked and screaming combat drill instructions at pigeons. Another squad got lost and wound up nearly twenty miles from their destination before they figured out they were going the wrong way. Still another squad suffered casualties after they prematurely engaged the rebel patrol.

So far, it looked like only four cadets would graduate. One of them was Fujin, who led the rescue squad that retrieved Aki from his perch, and Seifer, who destroyed the bulk of the rebel force at the summit almost by himself and secured the safe return of the politician's daughter.

Raijin did not pass. Not because he screwed up, but because he didn't get much of an opportunity to prove himself.

Zell worried that meant Raijin might go to prison. He wouldn't fare well in D-district. Maybe an exception could be made.

In the triage tent, Zell was treated for a gunshot wound and his wrist was put in a brace to prevent re-injury while it healed. Beside him on a cot, a heavily drugged Seifer murmured slurs at the field-medic who treated his wounds.

Zell lay back and tried to sleep, but his thoughts were too clouded with too many things that he should know better than to think about. Seifer was first and foremost in his mind, and not only because he wouldn't shut up.

His apology was unexpected, as was his openness about the need to change for the better. That was not Zell's aim, exactly. He wasn't even sure what he wanted Seifer to admit, but at the time it seemed a solid way to motivate him to do better.

And it did, just not in the way Zell anticipated.

Now, he was really confused about what he wanted.

Zell gave up on sleep and fished his paperwork out of his pack. Might as well finish his report detailing Seifer's turn as squad captain while he was stuck here, awake and with nothing better to do.

He left a few things out.

The tent flap rustled, and in stepped Quistis, who breathed a visible sigh of relief when she spied him.

"Thank Hyne, Zell," she said. "I was so worried about you. What the heck happened?"

"It's a long story," he said. "You can read about it in my report. I'm too tired to go into it."

"So, Seifer really pulled it off," Quistis said.

"Yeah, he really did," Zell said. "You would have been proud, Quis."

"I am proud," she said. "I always knew he was capable of better. Anyway, how are you?"

"Just tired," he said. "It's been a long 48 hours."

"Agreed.  You know, Fujin is very fond of you," Quistis said as she took a seat beside him. "She was worried about you both."

Zell rubbed his tired eyes.

"Fujin's kinda awesome, once you get to know her," Zell said and stifled a yawn. "She's my best student."

"It's interesting how different they are when they're away from Seifer," she said.

"Yeah, I've noticed," Zell said. "Seifer's different, too. Kinda sucks that they didn't all make it, though."

"Raijin really isn't cut out to be a SeeD," Quistis said. "I don't think he ever was."

Zell was surprised. Raijin was one hell of a fighter. He was big and strong and hit hard enough to knock somebody unconscious.

"He's too... sweet. He's really, really sweet, Zell," Quistis said. "He just doesn't have it in him."

"So what are you going to do? Kick him out?"

"I have a plan," she said and folded her hands in her lap. "I need to run it by Squall and Xu, first, but I think it'll work out best for everyone. Especially Raijin."

* * *

A few hours later, they arrived in Balamb. Zell barely slept on the trip home and he was ready to drop. As soon as he was free to go, he planned to throw himself onto his bed and not open his eyes again until he absolutely had to.

Seifer was conscious and able to walk on his own, but dopey from the drugs. His lower eyelids drooped like a bloodhound and his smile was serene. Zell wondered what they gave him, and if he could feed him a steady supply of said drugs from now on to keep him docile.

"We're friends, Dincht," Seifer slurred and hooked an arm around Zell's neck in half a choke-hold. "You and me are BFF's for life."

Zell rolled his eyes. "Sure we are."

"Hey Leonhart, me and Dincht bonded out there on that freezing fucking mountain. Waddaya say to that?"

"...fantastic," Squall deadpanned. He shot Zell a look. "Glad to hear it."

Zell only shrugged, as if to say he had no clue what Seifer was talking about.

"Pretty hot, for a chicken head," Seifer said. "Doesn't look like a chicken right now, though. What's wrong with your hair, Dincht?"

Zell's palm hit his face with an audible crack and he shook his head in dismay.

"Hey Seifer, it's probably best if you don't talk," Zell said.

"You're not my real mom," Seifer said and released Zell's neck. "Don't tell me what to do."

Squall slowed his pace to walk beside Zell.

"What the hell is he talking about?"

"I dunno. It's Seifer. On drugs. Who knows what's going through that lunatic brain of his?"

Zell started to sweat under the collar of his uniform. He hoped Squall didn't pick up on any weird vibes.

"Something happen that I need to know about?"

"Not really," Zell said. "We just... came to an understanding, I guess. Figured out how to work together instead of against each other. You know, within the confines of the exam."

"Hmm."

"Hey Dincht, whaddaya say we go get those beers now? I'm thirsty."

Zell smacked himself in the forehead again.

"You sure there's nothing?"

"I'm sure."

"Dincht. Beer?"

"Maybe later," Zell said. "You're not supposed to drink on the meds. Remember?"

"Riiigght. Yeah," Seifer said. He turned around and pointed at Squall. "You owe me money, Leonhart."

Squall snorted. "You'll get it as soon as Xu coughs it up."

"She shoulda known better than to bet against me," Seifer said. "Freakin' pointy-faced witch-monster."

"That's your superior officer you're talking about, Almasy."

Seifer cackled and clapped Zell on the shoulder.

"I'll buy you a beer with my winnings, Dincht."

"Appreciate that," Zell said.

Hyne. What had he done?

* * *

He returned to his room following the grade announcements to find a dozen or more letters under his door. Curious, he opened one and scanned it. Letters, cut out from a newspaper spelled out: _We're watching you._

He frowned and crumbled the page in his fist, then opened another. Same style.

_She's too good for you._

"Oh, geez," he muttered and opened the rest, one by one.

They were all the same vaguely threatening type of message. He collected them and took them upstairs to Xu's office.

Her door was open. Inside, two cadets were busy cleaning her fish tank and they both looked disgusted as they used a long, tubular device with a hose to suck water and debris from the rocks on the bottom into a bucket on the floor.

"What is it, Dincht?"

"If this is a a bad time, I can come back," he said.

"It's always a bad time. What do you need?"

He held out the stack of messages.

"Someone shoved these under my door," he said.

Xu sifted through them and her frown deepened.

"They're not happy we took down TrepeWatch," she said. "They blame you. They also think you two are seeing each other on the sly."

Jealousy was written all over her face.

"We're not," he promised and took a seat. "Just friends. We hang out sometimes, but that's it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know about this, in case my dead body winds up stashed down in MD or something."

Xu almost smiled. Then, she flicked her eyes at the cadets. "You two. Go wait in the hall."

They nearly bolted for the door. Xu had that effect on people.

"What did they do?"

"They were lurking outside Quistis' room. I suspect one or both attempted to break in," she said. "The last thing Quistis needs is a couple of cadets running around with her stolen underwear."

Zell cringed at the thought. He pictured them clandestinely showing them off under tables in the cafeteria and trading them for favors.

"Man, this is getting out of hand."

"It is, but you've got bigger problems."

Zell braced himself for a reprimand about his involvement with Seifer. Seifer counted as a big problem in Xu's book.

"Are you aware you have a fan club of your own?"

"What? Me?"

"They call themselves the Zellies."

"The... Zellies?" he scoffed. He didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified.

"They took over the library forum after I disabled all The fan pages on the Garden Network."

"Why?"

"I have no idea, but I suggest you avoid looking at the comments. Some are rather crude."

"Waddaya mean by crude? What are they saying?"

"Speculations about what you're like in bed, discussions about the supposed size of your manhood," Xu grimaced as if she'd rather not think about that, "your tastes in women, whether or not your gay and if so, are you the top or the bottom? For starters."

Zell's face turned a furious shade of red. He wanted to sink right through the floor.

"What the hell?" he cried. "Who would do that?"

"I don't know, but it all started after those pictures were posted on TrepeWatch," she said. "But don't worry. We're getting to the bottom of it. The problem is, someone has hacked the system, so we can't get in and take it down. You should probably avoid the library, too."

Zell rubbed his eyes and groaned. He was too tired to deal with this.

"It'll blow over," Xu said. "We just need to enforce a crack-down."

"Well, thanks for the heads-up, I guess."

"Anytime," she said. "Was there anything else?"

"Naw. Just that."

"Good. Send the cadets back in on your way out."

Zell returned to the lobby to find the pair grim-faced and reluctant to return to their duties.

"Don't make us go back in," one said. "Please, Instructor. Tell her we're sorry!"

Xu could be terrifying, even when one knew her was well as Zell did, which was only as well as Xu allowed him to know her. He almost took pity on them, but then remembered what they did to wind up on fish tank cleaning duty.

"Maybe next time you'll remember Lt. Commander Trepe is a person," Zell said and put on his meanest face. "And her privacy is sacred."

"But -"

"Tell all your Trepie friends to back off, got it?" he said. "Now get back in there."

They both cowered, but shuffled back into Xu's office. Zell watched them go, and then, unable to resist the temptation, headed down to his classroom. He promptly logged onto the console at his desk and clicked on the link for the library message board.

He was confronted with over a hundred threads to choose from, none of which had anything to do with the library or library materials.

It was just as Xu said.

Zell wished he could look away, but he couldn't. Each topic of discussion was more preposterous than the last, and ranged from the more innocent thread about what his favorite hot dog toppings were to the cringe-worthy speculation on the size of his wiener.

He should have known better than to click on the thread titled "Fan Art," but he did anyway and instantly regretted it. The very first photo caused him to scream and cover his eyes in horror.

Someone, albeit a talented someone, had drawn a full body sketch of Zell wearing what he could only assume was a cactuar cock-sock.

"Who would do that?" he demanded of the empty classroom.

"That's actually pretty good," a voice said behind him. "Though, they're probably being a little generous with the -"

"Aaaahhhh!" Zell cried and whipped around to find Seifer only a foot away and grinning like a fool. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

The drugs had obviously worn off. Gone was the dopey grin and the bloodhound eyes.

Seifer leaned over and clicked on the responses to said fan art. He scrolled down, murmuring, " _boring, boring, stupid, give me a break, well that's precious,_ -ohmygod."

Zell peered through his fingers at the new image on screen. Someone added on to the sketch, and when Zell realized who the other person was, he screamed again.

The sketch was of Seifer, wearing only a chicken-shaped cock-sock.

Below the image, were the words, "I ship it."

"I ship it?" Zell wondered. "The hell does that mean?"

"It means they think we should be a thing," Seifer said and frowned at the drawing. "Why the fuck does this exist, Dincht?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

"All these posts are about you."

"Yeah, I know," he groaned and leaned his face into his palms. "Apparently, I have a fan club. They call themselves the Zellies."

"The Zellies?" Seifer asked skeptically. "That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."

"Tell me about it."

Seifer clicked the back button and scrolled through the subjects, his amusement growing as the topics got weirder and more personal. He snorted out loud at one titled "Kinks" and with the enthusiasm of an old lady devouring a tabloid, leaned in and scanned the content. Zell didn't dare look.

"Bondage? Probably not," Seifer said. "Feet? Eh, maybe. Oooh, this one speculates you might be a furry-"

"Enough," Zell said and switched the power off before Seifer could read another word. "I don't want to know any more."

Seifer sat back on his heels with a grin. "You know, you could have a lot of fun with this."

"I just want it to go away."

"If you snapped your fingers, you could probably have them waiting on you hand and foot. You could get laid all you want."

"I don't want to get laid!" Zell shouted, a little too loudly. He dropped his forehead to his desk and banged it against the surface when Seifer started to laugh. "I mean, not like that!"

"Your loss," Seifer said. Zell lifted his head. "Hyne, your innocence is appalling."

"I'm not innocent!" Zell said. "I've killed people."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Seifer said.

Zell didn't want to continue this conversation. It was best left alone, as it was something he could not and would not explore, no matter how likely one of those Zellies would happily find his or her way into his bed.

"Seriously, all this is really creepy," Zell said. "Meanwhile, the Trepies are leaving threatening messages under my door telling me they're gonna get me."

Seifer wiggled his fingers and widened his eyes. "Ohhh, the Trepies are gonna get you!" he sing-songed.

Zell scowled and slapped Seifer upside the head.

"Cut it out. It's not funny."

"Of course it is," Seifer said. "You just have to find the humor in it and use it to your advantage."

As far as Zell could tell, that would be a struggle.

Zell rubbed his eyes and sighed. How did things get this nutty? All he wanted was to take Angie to the social and hang out with his friends. Now the Trepies wanted his head, Seifer's behavior of late was too weird to think about, his friends were either on his shit list or avoiding him, except for Quistis. Now he was the object of obsession overnight, and Zell didn't even know why or who started it. All because some pictures of him and Quistis together at the beach.

"Why are you here, anyway?" Zell asked. "This wasn't your doing, was it?"

"You wish," Seifer said. "Besides. Not my style."

"So what do you want?"

Seifer dropped a sheet of paper onto Zell's desk.

"My withdrawal notice from your class," Seifer said. "Squall just approved it."

"Oh," Zell said. "Sure."

"I figured you'd jump for joy."

"You're the least of my concerns right now," Zell said.

Seifer feigned hurt. "Stop. My heart can't take it."

"What am I gonna do?" Zell asked.

"You should probably get changed," Seifer said. "Graduation ball starts in an hour."

Zell swore under his breath. He was exhausted, frustrated and in no mood for a party, but it was a requirement for all instructors to attend, whether one of their students graduated or not.

With a groan, he pushed away from his desk and wondered if there was any way to stop all those wild rumors about him, particularly the ones about him and Seifer. That wasn't something he wanted out there.

He filed Seifer's slip in his drawer, turned out the light, and headed for the door. When Seifer didn't follow, he turned back around to find him grinning in the dark.

"Quit being weird and come on," Zell said.

Seifer's grin widened. "We have a few minutes."

"And?"

"Wanna break some rules?"

"I'm not going to taint my classroom with memories of you trying to play tonsil hockey with me," Zell said. "Not gonna happen."

"Live a little, Dincht," Seifer said.

"Do you need a refresher on Garden's sexual harassment policy?" Zell asked. "Because I can arrange that."

"It's only sexual harassment if you don't enjoy it," Seifer said. He sighed dramatically. "Fine. Have it your way. I need to go get ready, anyway."

He breezed past Zell with a smug look, leaving Zell in the doorway to ponder the strangeness of the last few days.

* * *

Seifer would never admit he was excited for the graduation ball.  He hated formal events and socials and thought they were stupid wastes of time.  In spite of that, he sneaked into a few when he was younger, but only to swipe alcohol and mock the revelers for their awkward dancing and smug, self-congratulatory faces. Now that he was among the graduating class, he understood his childhood behavior was borne from envy.

He still viewed SeeD as a means to an end, but his objective was different. He would earn back their respect. Instead of being a joke, he would become the best.

The uniform fit him perfectly. He stood in front of the mirror and admired the air of authority it gave him, but he never thought he'd see himself in it. His reflection seemed taller and broader, more professional, and dare he say more handsome than before. He grinned at himself and ran a comb through his hair, then straightened his sleeves.

Perfect.

There was a knock on his door and it slid open to reveal Fujin decked out in a new uniform of her own. On her face was a dark scowl.

"SKIRT."

Seifer laughed and turned toward her.

"You look hot, Fuu. Who knew you had such killer legs under those pants?"

"RAGE!" she cried and kicked him in the shin.

Seifer winced as her boot collided with a healed but still-tender bullet wound. 

"I'm sure they'll issue you some pants, if you ask," Seifer said.

Fujin's ire kicked down a notch and she looked him over with an approving nod.

"SHARP."

"Yeah, I know," he said with a grin. "You ready?"

"YES."

"Then let's go celebrate," he said.

He guided her from the room and down the hall to the elevator. Her eyes lingered on Raijin's closed door.

"SHAME."

Seifer shrugged. He had mixed feelings about Raijin's failure to pass. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe not. Raijin wouldn't hold it against him, even if he went straight to his room after the graduation announcements to hibernate and lick his wounds.

"This doesn't mean the Posse's broken up, you know," Seifer said. "He'll make it next time."

But Seifer wasn't so sure he would.

The elevator doors opened and inside, a pair of SeeDs were in the middle of a heated argument.

"Trepe's overrated!" one said. "What has she done since the war but fetch Leonhart's coffee?"

"That's blasphemy!" the other cried. "Do you hear yourself? There's no _way_ Dincht could beat Trepe, even if you tied her hands behind her back and cast silence on her!"

Seifer chuckled and linked his arm through Fujin's.

"Rage..." she whispered.

"Please. She spends all day in an office while he trains! In what universe is it even a fair fight?"

"He fights students! It's not like the guy's wrestling behemoths or something. Give me a break!"

So, it was now a war between factions. The Trepies against the Zellies.

This could get interesting.

* * *

Zell was less than cheerful as he entered the ballroom with Quistis on his arm. A dozen or more eyes bored into him, some filled with hate and others filled with undisguised longing. Among them was Angie, whose sorrowful gaze filled him with more bitterness than he knew he was capable of.

He ignored her and led Quistis to the bar where they both ordered whiskey on the rocks. Zell preferred to stick to beer, but in light of everything, something harder was needed to take the edge off.

All he wanted was some sleep and some peace and quiet. As soon as he could duck out without being noticed, he planned to book it upstairs and pass out for the next twelve hours.

Quistis wasn't in top form, either. Her weariness was written in the shadows under her eyes and in her less-than perfect posture. She'd been awake as long as he had, if not longer, and he doubted she got even a moment to rest.

He was about to ask her to dance when in walked Seifer with Fujin at his side. Zell sat up and took notice.

Seifer cut a striking figure in uniform. Outside of that uniform, Seifer was not someone anyone in their right mind would cross. In it, he was the epitome of cold, professional, and dangerous, in spite of his smugness.

"Never thought I'd see the day," Quistis murmured.

"Me neither," Zell agreed.

Quistis' smile was knowing and she elbowed Zell in the ribs. "You're staring."

"I'm not."

"It's okay. It's hard not to."

Zell sighed and forced his gaze away from Seifer with great effort.

Of course, Seifer just had to show off. He sauntered right up to Zell and stood there, radiating pride as he waited for a compliment. Feeling mean, Zell turned his attention to Fujin.

"Hey, look at you!" he said. "You look like a proper SeeD in that uniform."

"HATE."

"Why? You look great."

She shifted and cast her gaze to the floor.

"How about a dance?" Zell asked.  

Seifer scowled, but Zell refused to return it. He kept his attention on Fujin and offered his hand.

He expected Fujin to refuse, but she took it and allowed Zell to lead her onto the dance floor. Her pale face turned pink as Zell laid a hand against her waist.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"FINE."

Fujin knew the steps of the dance, but her execution was perfunctory and without flair. If she loosened up, she would be a pretty decent dancer, but she remained wooden and unbending in Zell's arms.

"So, you're a SeeD now, huh?" he asked.

"AFFIRMATIVE."

"Congrats," Zell said. "I'm really proud of you. Heard you did good."

"PASSED."

"Yeah, that's all that matters," Zell agreed. "Once you're in, you're in."

It was awkward. This was not the Fujin that confided in him when she was frustrated with Seifer. She seemed almost shy, and the flush had not left her cheeks.

When the song ended, Zell was almost glad for it. Trying to hold up one end of stilted conversation was no fun.

"Thanks," she said as they returned to the bar, where Quistis and Seifer looked in opposite directions instead of at each other. "No one's ever wanted to dance with me before."

"Really?" Zell asked. "Well, then, I'm honored to be the first."

Fujin's eye filled with tears and she wrenched away from him, darted through the crowd, swiped a bottle of something from the bar, and disappeared through the ballroom doors.

Confused, Zell followed her out and called her name as she dashed down the hall as fast as her boots would carry her.

* * *

Back in her room, Fujin logged onto her computer and called up her BalambSinglesMingle account. She took a long swallow from the bottle she stole from the bar and gulped it down as she waited for the screen to load.

It was time to tell the truth.

No matter how much it hurt.

She took another drink, set the bottle aside and began to type.

 **Hannabanana223** : _There's something I need to tell you._

 **Hannabanana223** : _I haven't been completely honest. My name isn't Hanna. I don't have a father who owns fishing boats and I don't work for him. It's all been a great big lie and I'm sorry for that._

 **Hannabanana223:** _This all started as a joke. I wasn't supposed to like you, but you were nice to me when I needed a friend and couldn't talk to my own friends about my problems._

 **Hannabanana223:** _This is harder than I thought it would be. See, I'm not just some random person you'll never actually meet. We know each other._

Fujin paused to compose her thoughts and took a pull from the bottle.

To her surprise, a response chime sounded.

 **Hotdog0317** : _who are you?_

 **Hannabanana223** : _I'm afraid to tell you. You'll hate me._

 **Hotdog0317** : _Tell me anyway. I want to know._

Fujin hesitated. It was now or never. She could choose to log off forever and never reply to another message so long as she lived, or she could take a chance that he wouldn't be angry with her for lying.

 **Hannabanana223:** _You danced with me tonight._

There was a long pause. Fujin wiped a tear from her cheek and took another drink. Her head was spinning. As much as Seifer liked to drink when he could get away with it, Fujin was not a big fan of alcohol. She only forced it down now because she wanted a way to numb herself so it didn't hurt so bad, and the courage to go through with this.

 **Hannabanana223** : _I really like you, and I'm sorry I lied._

 **Hotdog0317:** _Fujin? Is that you? Are you and Seifer doing this to mess with me?_

 **Hannabanana223:** _Seifer didn't do anything. This was all me._

 **Hotdog0317:** _Why would you do that? I was really starting to like you, and now you tell me you're a big, fat lying liar? That you you just made up some story to be mean? What is wrong with you?_

Fujin sniffled and squeezed her eye shut.

 **Hannabanana223:** _I'm sorry. Forgive me. Please forgive me. Please._

 **Hotdog0317:** _You are a HORRIBLE person!_ _Don't ever speak to me again. EVER._

Fujin logged off and for the first time since she was a child, she started to sob.

Then, she reached for the bottle, turned off the lights, and finished the rest, all at once.

Might as well drown in it.

At least she wouldn't feel anything.


	11. Why's Everyone SO Emotional?

The _nerve_!

Selphie couldn't _believe_ Fujin would stoop so low as to pretend to be someone else and lead Selphie on like this! Who did something like that? It was just mean and cruel and Selphie didn't understand why Fujin would bother.

Now none of Selphie's plans would come to fruition. There would be no whirlwind romance, no engagement ring shopping, no emotional proposal, no wedding! How DARE Fujin ruin all of Selphie's hopes and dreams for Zell's future! How _dare_ she!

Selphie sat back and burst into tears, her mission to retrieve her camera long forgotten. Now she was back to square one. She would have to be very, _very_ careful about the young ladies she conversed with from now on.

Through teary eyes, Selphie re-read the messages from Hanna/Fujin and saw no sign at all that it was just a joke. It wasn't Selphie's fault Fujin was a really good liar.

It just wasn't fair. Poor Zell. Would he be alone forever?

Selphie began to cry again as she pictured him growing old, all by himself.

Never to be loved by anyone.

It was so sad, Selphie sobbed into her hands and pushed back intrusive thoughts about Irvine and his failure to truly commit to her. Not that she was ready for marriage or kids or any of that, and she wasn't even sure that was really what she wanted from him, but it would be nice if he showed her he loved her through grand romantic gestures the way Squall did for Rinoa.

After all, Squall jumped into space to save Rinoa. He broke her out of the Sorceress memorial in a wonderfully dramatic way that stole Selphie's breath at the time. He pledged to be her Knight! If that didn't say love, nothing did.

What did Irvine do? He flirted with other girls and went to bars without her and only took her out when she demanded it.

But she couldn't worry about Irvine. Not right now, not when Zell really needed her.

Sobbing her eyes out was how Rinoa found Selphie a few minutes later.

"Did you find your camera?" Rinoa asked as she breezed into the room. "Why are you crying? What happened?"

Selphie moaned and pointed at her laptop screen. Rinoa scanned the messages between Sell and Fujin, then turned to Selphie with a dark frown.

"So... You're mad at Fujin for pretending to be someone else?"

"She tricked me! I actually thought I found Zell's unicorn, and it turned out to be a great big joke!"

Rinoa stared at her and the frown deepened.

"This has gone too far, Selphie," she said. "And anyway, why are you upset Fujin was pretending to be someone else, when _you're_ pretending to be Zell?"

"It's not the same thing!" Selphie shouted. "She did it to be mean!"

"I don't know... Seems like she actually really likes him, or your version of him anyway, which, by the way is really, really off," Rinoa said. "And now, she's going to think he's angry with her."

Selphie didn't know what to address first. The insinuation that she hadn't done a good job of her impersonation or that the trickster had any right to be mad.

"So what?" Selphie demanded. "And I did a _very_ job of being Zell. Better than Zell would be himself!"

Rinoa sighed and shook her head. She didn't say anything for a minute and looked at the screen instead of Selphie.

"It doesn't matter. She thinks she was talking to Zell," Rinoa said. "Maybe it would be different if it was someone he doesn't actually know and might never meet, but she's his student. And he doesn't know you've done this. She's going to act weird, and he won't even know why."

Rinoa just didn't get it. Better to weed out the impostors. Even if they actually did know him.

"How do you think he's going to take it when he finds out what you did?"

"He should be grateful for my help!"

"It kinda looks like he doesn't need your help," Rinoa said. "Have you seen the library message board lately?"

Selphie frowned and shook her head.

"So, you didn't start a fan club for him?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know," Rinoa said. "I mean, you made a fake dating profile and pretended to be him, so..."

"I'm trying to help!"

Rinoa dropped her hand on top of Selphie's and she got that same looks she used on Squall when he was being super clueless.

"You're not helping," Rinoa said. "And I think you need to tell Fujin the truth."

"Why? She's a lying liar!"

"So are you."

Enraged at her best friend's betrayal, Selphie shot to her feet and stuck her finger in Rinoa's face.

"I AM NOT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! _YOUTAKEITBACKRIGHTNOW_!"

Rinoa held her hands up and backed away slowly. Maybe Rinoa was a Sorceress, but an enraged Selphie was a terrifying and unpredictable adversary. Everyone knew that.

"Then I'm going to tell her myself," Rinoa said. "I told you it was a bad idea in the first place -"

"But you went along with it," Selphie said. "You helped me."

"Sure, when I thought nothing would come of it," Rinoa said. "I had no idea you were actually going to pretend to be him."

Selphie wiped her tears and switched off the computer. Rinoa watched her for a minute with what Selphie assumed was concern.

"Is everything okay with you and Irvine?" she asked.

"Of course it is! Why would you think something is wrong?"

Rinoa shrugged.

"I was just wondering if this isn't just a way to distract yourself because maybe things aren't as perfect as you pretend they are."

"How dare you! Irvy loves me... he loves me and... Things are perfect and..."

What if she was right? What if Irvine didn't love her at all?  What if he was just biding his time until something better came along?  

Selphie burst into sobs again and sank to the floor. Rinoa sat down beside her.

"He looks at other girls... more than he looks at me," Selphie moaned. "Even Quistis! He stared at her in that bikini like she was one of those rare guns he gets all excited over! He never looks at me like that!"

Rinoa dropped an arm around Selphie's shoulders and leaned her cheek against the top of Selphie's head.

"I just thought, if I made Zell happy, I'd be happy too..." Selphie admitted.

"It's really sweet that you wanted to," Rinoa said. "It really is, but... you know it won't fix things between you and Irvine, right?"

Selphie nodded pathetically.

"And you know, if Zell finds out about this, he might not want to be your friend anymore."

Selphie nodded again.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"No," Rinoa said. "You're going to. But, talk to Fujin first. She deserves the truth."

Selphie wiped her eyes, and for the first time since she started this whole thing, she felt really, really awful about it.

"Fine. I'll tell her in the morning, okay?"

* * *

 

Zell followed the sound of Fujin's footsteps to the elevator and arrived just as the doors slid closed. He caught just a glimpse of Fujin's angry face and thought for sure she was crying.

Baffled, Zell stared at the elevator and scratched his head. Did he do something wrong? Maybe he should follow anyway and go find out what upset her. Then again, it was Fujin, who was not the kind of girl to say one thing and do another. If she wanted to talk about it, she would Otherwise, Zell risked a bruised shin and a black eye.

He returned to the ballroom, a little worried he owed her an apology for something.

"Where did Fujin go?"

"Dunno," Zell said. "She took off."

"She doesn't like crowds."

"You sure?" Zell asked. "I think she was crying..."

"Fuu doesn't cry," Seifer said. "She's probably just freaked out about all these people. She'll be fine."

Seifer knew her better, so Zell took him at his word and ordered another drink. He leaned against the bar and rubbed his tired eyes. A glance at his watch told him he'd only been here for 30 minutes. Still too early to leave.

"Hi, Zell."

Zell turned to find Angie, drink in hand, smiling shyly at him.

"Hey," he said. "S'up."

"How are you?"

Zell shrugged with one shoulder. "Pretty good."

"Would you, maybe... want to dance?"

Zell didn't. Not really, but he didn't want to be rude, either.

"Sure," he said.

They didn't speak as he led her around the floor. She stepped on his toes and bumped into him, turned left when they were supposed to go right. Zell might have found it adorable if his feelings weren't still hurt about being her back-up plan.

"I heard you rescued that girl," she said. "Everyone's talking about it."

"Really? Why?"

"It was really brave," she said.

"Just doing my job," he said. "Not like I haven't faced worse. Besides, Seifer's the one who took all of them out, you know. He did the hard part."

"So are you two friends now?"

"I don't know," Zell said. He didn't really want to talk about Seifer. "I guess."

"He's so scary..."

Zell snorted. Seifer was way less scary than he seemed. Once you got past the veneer.

Angie lapsed into silence and stepped on his toes again. Zell tried not to wince and put on a fake smile.

"Hey Zell? I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't realize what I did sort of came across as... sort of... mean. I was just so excited when he asked me, and... I didn't think about your feelings or how it must have looked."

Zell didn't know what to say and he didn't know how to feel, so he just shrugged.

"Forgive me?" she said in a small voice. "For being such a jerk?"

"Yeah, sure," he said with a sigh.

Her smile was so broad and big, Zell actually did forgive her. A little.

"Do you think maybe we could go out some time?" she asked. "Like, on a real date? My treat, since I was so thoughtless?"

Taken aback, Zell stopped dancing. Just a couple weeks ago, he would have given anything for this. If she'd asked him out, he would have been over the moon, and now, all he felt was... well, nothing.

"Look, Angie..." he began and took a step back. "I really liked you, like, a lot. But maybe that's not such a good idea."

"You liked me?" she asked.

"You couldn't tell?" he demanded. "I stopped by the library every day, just to see you! Didn't you notice?"

"I did, but I just thought, you know, you liked to read."

"I do, but it's not like I read _that_ much."

"So you don't like me now?"

"Would you like someone who used you?"

"I didn't-" she began but stopped. "I guess I did. I just figured you were just being nice and wouldn't mind."

"I minded," he said. "I minded a lot. I really looked forward to being your date, friend or otherwise."

"I'm sorry," she said. "We could still do something together... If you can forgive me for being so stupid."

Zell took a step back and shook his head without meaning to.

"I guess I don't really stack up against someone like Quistis," she said. "She so pretty and smart and accomplished..."

Zell found himself unusually irritated by that statement.

"It's not about Quistis," Zell said. "What you did was really crappy! And now you change your mind and want to ask me out? Why? Because I'm not just a back-up plan anymore? Or because that stupid fan club made you think I'm cool all of sudden?!"

Her cheeks turned crimson, and that was all the confirmation Zell needed. He was angry and hurt all over again, and she had no idea how cruel it was to ask him out now that popular opinion changed.

"That sucks! I'm the same guy I was before all that," he said. "You just didn't see it. You thought I was so nice, I wouldn't mind being treated like a doormat. You thought you could do better, and if not, I'd still be pining away for you over by the reference manuals like a pathetic loser, didn't you?"

She sniffled and nodded.

Ouch.

"I would never have done that to you," Zell said.

"Can we at least still be friends?"

"I don't know," he said. "I don't have friends that only talk to me when They want something."

In tears, she turned away and left the dance floor to rejoin her friends on the sidelines. They gathered around her like hens.

Zell didn't feel good about rejecting her or making her cry, and he even empathized with her plight a little, but she never considered his feelings at all. Maybe some time in the future, they could be friends. Maybe not. Either way, the matter was settled. His crush on her was officially dead.

Seifer wasn't at the bar when Zell reclaimed his place and ordered another drink. He checked his watch over and over while Quistis chatted with Xu, and counted the minutes until he could leave. He paid no attention to their conversation, and didn't even notice when the two drifted away.

Three drinks later, it was finally acceptable to leave, and Zell was fairly drunk and in a foul mood. As he wove his way through the crowed, he cursed himself for over-indulging, sure he would pay for it in the morning. Should have stuck to beer, but too late now.

He didn't notice the footsteps behind him until a hand seized his wrist. He lifted his fists and spun around to face a grinning Seifer.

"You almost got a face full of knuckles, you idiot!"

"You know, you're a nasty drunk," Seifer said.

"Then maybe you should stop sneaking up on me when I'm drunk," Zell said. "Or, at all. Like, ever."

Zell brushed past him as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. He stepped inside and pushed the button for the first floor. Seifer joined him.

"Why are you following me around like a love-sick puppy?" Zell asked. "I'm flattered and all, but I've had enough of the stalking."

Seifer just smiled and pulled an envelope from his pocket.

"Squall asked me to give you this," Seifer said.

Zell snatched it and tore it open. A key card fell out, along with a note.

_Had your things moved for you. Hope you enjoy your new room._

Zell read the number on the key card and his dark mood lifted.

"He put me in a suite!" Zell cried. "Holy crap!"

The suites were much coveted and rarely assigned, and were rumored to be almost as nice as the Commander's quarters, with a full kitchen and a roomy bathroom. He figured he'd be put in the slightly larger room at the end of the hall, the one with the expanded study and the shower that wasn't built for a toddler, but this was a definite upgrade.

Re-energized by this development, Zell nearly bolted off the elevator as soon as the doors opened on the first floor. He jogged down the hall, aware that Seifer followed. He chose not to be annoyed by that and instead pictured himself living it up in comfort and style with plenty peace and quiet away from the dull roar of the dorms.

He slid the key card and bounced on his toes as the door opened to reveal a spacious studio apartment with a huge television, a desk equipped with a computer, and a small but serviceable kitchen stocked with all the necessary items needed to cook for himself.

On a small, round coffee table sat a basket wrapped in cellophane, and he tore it open in excitement. Inside was a six pack of Zell's favorite beer, hot dog flavored crackers, cheese, assorted pieces of fruit, and a package of chocolate covered pretzels from Deling City. The note attached said, _Thanks_.

"Damn," Seifer said from the doorway. "This is nice."

He drifted inside and inspected the contents of the kitchen drawers while Zell explored his new space. It wasn't huge by anyone's standard, but it was way bigger than his tiny SeeD dorm room, with an actual bathroom instead of that tiny closet he could barely turn around in.

There was a clink of something against glass and then a hiss and Zell turned around to find Seifer had helped himself to the beer in the gift basket. Before Zell could get mad, Seifer opened a second and offered it to him.

"Cheers," Seifer said and bumped the neck of his bottle against Zell's.

Seifer took a swallow of his beer and moved over to the crate of movies beside the television. He thumbed through them and laughed.

"You have _Kung Fu Hot Dog_?" he said. "I used to love that show when I was a kid."

"No way!" Zell said. "It's my favorite! I've got the whole series.  We should watch it some time."

"You asking me on a date?"

"NO!"

Seifer chuckled and kicked off his boots like he planned to stay. He set them beside the door and hung his uniform jacket over the back of the desk chair.

"What are you doing?!" Zell demanded.

Seifer dropped onto the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. Zell knocked them off and Seifer laughed.

"I don't remember inviting you in."

"You going to kick me out?"

"I should."

"But you're not going to."

Zell peeled off his uniform jacket and sat down beside him with a heavy sigh.

"Too tired."

Seifer got up, turned on the television and started the cartoon without asking, but Zell didn't mind so much. Especially when that old, familiar theme song started to play.

* * *

 

Zell was snoring ten minutes into the first episode. He was curled into a ball at the end of the sofa, his head against the arm rest. Seifer left him there for a while and finished his abandoned beer, but by the time the credits rolled, Seifer could barely keep his eyes open.

What to do? Leave Zell there and go back to his own room? Or put Zell to bed and take a chance that Zell would give in?

He decided on the latter, as the thought of putting his boots back on was too complicated a task in Seifer's intoxicated state. Finishing off Zell's beer was a bad idea, and the queen sized bed at the back of the room was more than big enough for two.

Zell groaned as Seifer shook him awake, but he got up and wandered toward the bed, then flopped face first onto it with a happy sigh. Seifer couldn't even pretend it wasn't cute.

"Dincht. Get up and brush your teeth."

Zell hummed and blinked at him in confusion.

"Y'still here?"

"I'm still here," Seifer confirmed. "Come on. Up."

Zell sat up as ordered, but he didn't stand up, his head hanging as he rubbed his eyes. He stifled a yawn that was also too cute for words, and Seifer wanted to barf because he found it cute.

"Up, Dincht."

Zell got to his feet and looked around in confusion until Seifer steered him toward the bathroom door. Seifer stripped off his uniform pants and tossed them over his jacket on the desk chair, then turned down the blankets.

When Zell didn't return from the bathroom, Seifer got up to investigate and found him sitting on the edge of the bathtub, tooth brush in hand, staring at the floor.

"You gonna puke?" Seifer asked.

"No..." Zell said. "I forgot what I was doing."

"The toothbrush might be a clue, stupid."

Zell looked at it, nodded, and stuck it in his mouth. Seifer squeezed some toothpaste onto his finger and did his best to scrub away the taste of alcohol. It wasn't ideal, but better than going to bed without.

Back in the room, Zell unbuttoned his pants, slipped them over his hips and left them in a pile on the floor, then lurched for the bed and reclaimed his spot. His boxers were black, with little yellow chicobos on them.

Also, cute.

"God, I'm an idiot," Seifer mumbled to himself.

After a moment of hesitation, Seifer climbed in beside him. Zell cracked open an eye as Seifer settled in.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to sleep," Seifer said.

"Just like that?"

Seifer smiled at the ceiling and closed his eyes.

"Yep."

"And you're just going to go to sleep here?"

Seifer rolled onto his side and groaned contentedly as he rearranged the pillow.

"Yep."

Zell lifted his head to glare at Seifer.

"You have your own bed."

"Your point?"

Zell sighed and closed his eyes.

"Whatever. I'm too tired for your stupid games."

Seifer propped his head up on his elbow and frowned.

"Maybe I'm not playing a game," he said.

Zell snorted, but he didn't open his eyes.

"Whatever, jes keep your hands to yerself..."

Seifer saw that as less of a warning and more of a challenge. He moved closer until there was but a few inches of space between them.

"If you wanted me to leave, you could make me," Seifer said. "But I don't think you want me to."

Zell's eyes popped open, but Seifer didn't give him a chance to respond. He rolled Zell onto his back and ignored the mild pain in his stitched-up side as he leaned over him.

"Quiddit," Zell said, but he didn't fight back. "If you're gonna stay, you're gonna sleep, and that's it."

"That's it, huh?" Seifer asked. "We could always blame it on the alcohol."

Zell's brows furrowed.

"That's a terrible idea."

"Isn't that what makes it fun?"

He didn't give Zell a chance to answer. He leaned down and claimed Zell's mouth in a slow, almost lazy kiss. This time, there was no hesitation in Zell's response. His kiss was eager and he slipped a hand around the back of Seifer's head to bring him closer. In a matter of seconds, Seifer's teasing kiss became a heated and intense exchange that to Seifer felt like the first few moments of a battle against a skilled opponent.

Seifer smiled against Zell's lips and crushed him back into the pillow. He delighted in Zell's low moan as he kissed him harder. Zell pressed up against him and slung an arm around Seifer's waist to tug the back of Seifer's shirt up. He whipped it over Seifer's head, balled it up and cast it aside, and it was Seifer's turn to moan when Zell's calloused hands slid over his bare skin.

He winced when Zell's fingers brushed over his wound and he jerked back with a soft hiss.

"Sorry," Zell breathed. "Forgot."

Seifer didn't care. He was too mindless with lust to worry about it. Instead, he removed Zell's shirt, drunk on the desire to find out just how far Zell would let him take this. He reclaimed Zell's lips and dropped his full weight against him.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Zell breathed.

"Don't overthink it," Seifer said and pressed his lips to Zell's throat. "If it feels good, go with it."

To prove his point, Seifer let his mouth wander lower, over Zell's collarbone and down his chest. Zell's gasps and soft groans only furthered Seifer's lust. Lower and lower he moved until he hit the waistband of those ridiculous boxers and hooked his fingers around the edge of the fabric. Seifer fully expected a fist to the jaw, but he had to try.

He'd moved the fabric just a half an inch when a sharp bang on the door interrupted Seifer's plan. Zell sat up abruptly, pushed Seifer away and scrambled off the bed.

"Shit!" he cried as the banging came again. "You can't be here."

"Instructor Dincht? Are you in there, ya know?"

"Shit!" he said again. To Seifer, he hissed, "You need to hide."

Seifer leaned back against the pillow and folded his arms behind his head.

"Raijin won't care."

He really wouldn't, but if Raijin's intrusion proved nothing more than curiosity about his location, he would pay for it.

"I care!" Zell hissed.

"It's an emergency, ya know? Please answer the door if you're in there."

Seifer shifted from low-key annoyed to concerned in an instant. He got up as Zell searched for his t-shirt, crossed the room and flung the door open.

"What?" he demanded.

Raijin's eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh, ya know? I've been looking all over for you, man," Raijin said. "Something's wrong with Fujin. I went to see if she was back from the party yet, ya know? And I found her on the floor in her room and she won't wake up... I didn't know what to do."

"What do you mean she won't wake up?" Seifer asked.

"I dunno, like I shake her and she just lays there," Raijin said.

"Is she breathing?" Zell asked.

"Yeah, but it's kinda weird and slow."

Zell and Seifer exchanged a glance. That did not sound good. Fujin was a light sleeper, too, one that woke if a pin dropped at the other end of the hall.

Now very worried, Seifer dressed in a hurry as Zell did the same. Lust forgotten, he followed Raijin to Fujin's room at a fast jog.

Inside, it was as Raijin said. Fujin, still in her SeeD uniform, lay sprawled on her side on the floor beside an empty bottle of vodka. He and Zell crouched down beside her and Seifer felt for her pulse. It was weak and slow, as was her breathing, and her skin was cold.

"Looks like alcohol poisoning," Zell said.

Seifer agreed. Fujin was not a drinker. She preferred to nurse one drink all night than get wasted. If she drank that whole bottle by herself...

"We should get her to Dr. K," Zell said.

Seifer scooped her up into his arms and carried her out of the dorm. She vomited all over him halfway there, but didn't wake up. Seifer was forced to stop and turn her face to the floor so she wouldn't choke.

He didn't care about the puke. He cared about why she'd done this to herself when she should have been overjoyed she finally made it.

Zell burst into Dr. Kadowaki's office ahead of him.

"Hey, Doc, got an emergency," he announced. "We think it's alcohol poisoning."

Dr. Kadowaki peered at Seifer, and then at Fujin and shook her head as if it was Seifer's fault.

"Take her into the exam room," she said. "Let me have a look."

Seifer laid her down on the cot and stepped away as the doctor peeled back Fujin's eyelid and shined a penlight into it.

"How much did she drink?"

"Too much," Seifer said. "Probably a whole bottle, by herself, and before you think I encouraged it, she did this in her room. Alone."

"Hmm," the doctor said. "Does she drink a lot?"

"Practically a teetotaler," Seifer said. "Rarely more than one, if at all."

"Has she been depressed? Or upset about something?"

Seifer found he couldn't say one way or another.

"She's been different, ya know?" Raijin supplied. "But I thought it was 'cause the exam was coming up and she was real serious about making it. Studying hard and stuff, ya know?"

Seifer nodded his agreement. She did seem more focused than she'd been before, and he assumed it was for the same reasons. He couldn't think of a single explanation for why she would drink herself into an actual coma.

"Okay," the doctor said. "Seifer, why don't you go get cleaned up? Raijin and Zell, you can wait in the office if you like."

Seifer dashed back to his room, rinsed off in the shower, and put on some clean clothes, then returned to Dr. Kadowaki's office. Raijin fiddled with a plastic model of a brain and chewed his lip. A red-eyed Zell offered him a smile that was closer to a grimace.

It was a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, y'all. Thanks for all the comments and kudos! Those things are what helps writers stay motivated, so thank you to everyone that has read and left comments and kudos so far! I appreciate you!


	12. From Bad To Worse

Around two in the morning, Dr. Kadowaki emerged from the exam room. She took off her glasses, cleaned them on her coat, and stuck them in her pocket as Zell sat up and stifled a yawn.

"So?" Seifer asked. "How is she?"

"She came very close to dying tonight," Dr. Kadowaki said. Her face was as grave as Zell had ever seen it. "If you hadn't brought her to me when you did, she wouldn't have made it."

Seifer templed his hands against his lips and closed his eyes. Zell patted his shoulder as a show of support but Seifer shrugged him off and his hands dropped to his sides.

"Can we see her?"

"Right now, she needs her rest," Dr. Kadowaki said.

"Please."

Seifer rarely said please. Zell could count on one hand the number of times he'd heard Seifer say it without sarcasm.

They stared at each other for almost a full minute before Dr. Kadowaki invited him to sit again. Seifer paled, but obeyed without argument.

"There's something you need to know, Seifer," the doctor said. "It's a big deal."

"What?" he demanded. "Tell me."

"Her blood work came back with some unusual results," Dr. Kadowaki said.

"What do you mean, unusual?"

Dr. Kadowaki sighed and shook her head, reluctant to say it.

"I normally wouldn't deliver the news to friends, but seeing as she has no family -"

" _We're_ her family," Seifer said.

"I'll need to confirm with a few more tests, but I've seen it enough to know..." she trailed off, took a deep breath and looked Seifer in the eye. "She has cancer."

Raijin began to sniffle, broke down, and buried his face in his palms.

"No," Seifer said. "Do the test again. You're wrong."

"I will," Dr. Kadowaki assured him. "But, you should prepare yourself for the worst."

"No," Seifer said again. "I'm not gonna give up on her like that. Don't you fucking tell me to give up on her, Doc."

Dr. Kadowaki said nothing, her eyes full of sympathy.

"Is she gonna die, ya know?" Raijin asked through sniffles.

"We'll know more tomorrow, but it doesn't look good."

"I want to see her," Seifer said. "Don't tell me no."

Dr. Kadowaki didn't argue. She escorted Seifer to the door and left him alone with Fujin. Through the narrow window, Zell watched Seifer take a seat beside her. He smoothed back the bangs on her forehead, took her hand and folded it between his own.

Until now, Zell wasn't so sure Seifer was capable of kindness. He doubted there was even an ounce of tenderness in him. He saw both in Seifer now, and the look on his face broke Zell's heart.

Seifer didn't stay long. When he emerged, his eyes were red, but he wasn't crying and his gaze was far-away like a shell-shocked soldier who'd just seen a friend blown to bits.

"So, what now?" he asked.

"I'll run some more tests in the morning," Dr. Kadowaki said. "Maybe what happened tonight was an accident, maybe not, but we might not have known she was sick otherwise. That said, I'm concerned about why she drank that much."

If Zell did something to upset her, then her drinking binge was his fault, and he kicked himself for not following when she took off earlier. If he'd chased her, maybe she would have talked to him instead and maybe she wouldn't be here right now. Mixed blessing or not, he feared he was the cause.

"She'll need her friends when she wakes up," Dr. Kadowaki said. "Give her your understanding and support, either way."

"Yeah, sure, ya know?" Raijin said. "We got her back."

Dr. Kadowaki swept her concerned, motherly gaze over all three of them.

"You should go back to your rooms and get some sleep. I'll let you know if there's any change."

Seifer looked like he was about to argue, but Zell took him by the arm and led him from the office. Weary, the three of them trudged back to the dorms in silence. Raijin split off at the cadet dorms and waved his goodbye as he covered a yawn and a sniffle.

He followed Zell back to his room, and once inside, he kicked off his boots, sat down on the end of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

Zell sat down beside him and clasped the back of his neck, but Seifer shrugged him off again and crawled, fully-clothed into the bed. Zell didn't protest when he settled in like he belonged there.

Thank Hyne there were no classes in the morning. He would be totally useless if he was expected to do anything more complicated than show up. He was too tired and there was too much to worry about.

He turned off the light, undressed, then climbed into bed. He was so tired, he was sure he would pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow. As he made himself comfortable, Seifer turned on his side, his back to Zell.

Zell settled in and closed his eyes, but sleep didn't come so easy. Not with Seifer just a foot away. Not with the memory of Fujin's pale face and limp body in Seifer's arms still so fresh in his mind. The worry that he'd done something to upset her nagged at him. The thought that she was sick hurt his heart.

He focused on the sound of Seifer's slow, steady breathing and tried not to think about Fujin, or what almost happened before Raijin came knocking.

What were they doing, anyway? Why was he fooling around with a guy who used to be so mean when they were kids? Was Seifer really interested or was this just another attempt to humiliate him? Would Seifer really take his torment so far?

From experience, Zell knew the answer to that last question was yes. Seifer would take a prank all the way, as far as he needed to inflict the desired result. Even at the cost of his own embarrassment.

At least, the pre-war Seifer would. He wasn't so sure about this older, more bitter version.

Was it possible Seifer's interest was real? Seifer would never say so himself. He would never admit it. Not even with a gun to his head.

Zell's thoughts turned to Fujin and he offered up a silent prayer that she would be fine, that the alcohol in her system skewed the results, and that she would wake up in the morning and be herself again. He was almost asleep when Seifer rolled onto his back and his elbow jabbed Zell in the shoulder.

"I haven't been a very good friend."

Zell didn't realize Seifer was still awake. He shifted onto his side, but Seifer stared at the ceiling.

"I let her down."

"Maybe it was an accident," Zell said. "Maybe she didn't realize... Anyway, maybe if it hadn't happened, she would have gotten really sick and it would be too late..."

"She's not sick."

"She might be," Zell said. "I know you don't want to hear that, but Dr. K's pretty good at her job and she wouldn't tell you if she wasn't sure."

"Shut your mouth," Seifer said, but there was no venom behind it. "She's wrong."

There was no arguing with Seifer. He'd dug in his heels, formed his opinion, and there would be no changing his mind.

Zell propped his head up on his palm and looked down at Seifer, who continued to stare at the ceiling. In the moonlight that seeped in through the window, his eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"She's my best friend," Seifer said. "I can't lose her."

And just like that, Seifer Almasy broke. His eyes squeezed shut, his face twisted in a grimace, but the tears leaked out anyway.

Zell scooted over and as he pulled Seifer into a tight embrace, a sound burst from Seifer's mouth that was pure agony. He buried his face in Zell's chest, shaking so hard it shook the bed.

Seifer's loss of control lasted only a few minutes. When it ran its course, he untangled himself from Zell's arms and rolled onto his back and slung an arm over his face.

"Go ahead. Laugh at me," he said.

"Why the hell would I laugh?" Zell wondered.

"I'd laugh at you."

"Yeah, well, I'm not an asshole."

Seifer sighed and rubbed his eyes, then looked at Zell.

"You care if I stay?" he asked.

"Nah, it's a big bed," Zell said and stifled a yawn. He dropped his head back to his pillow. "I'll kick you out if you start snoring, though."

Seifer laugh was a soft chuff that he buried against the side of Zell's head. He slung an arm across Zell's chest and hooked a leg over his knees, then settled his head on Zell's pillow, thoroughly invading Zell's space. For the first time, it came without ulterior motives or threats of violence, and Zell didn't mind that so much.

* * *

 

Seifer woke when Zell's alarm went off before the sun was even up. He didn't move as the clock emitted an annoying shriek that wouldn't stop. When it didn't go off on its own, Seifer hauled himself upright, reached across Zell and hit the button.

It was only 5:30 and Seifer was not expected anywhere. He planned to visit the infirmary later, but at a more reasonable hour. Dr. Kadowaki would order him back to bed if he tried now.

He would never say it, but he was grateful Zell let him lose his shit without judging him for it. Though Raijin would not judge, a display of weakness on Seifer's part would send Raijin into fits of worry and bouts of sobbing that nothing could stop. Seifer was the strong one, the unflappable one, and he needed to remain in control, if only for Rajin's sake.

It said a lot that Zell allowed him a moment of vulnerability and offered only kindness where Seifer deserved only ridicule. If the tables were turned, Seifer wasn't so sure he would be so understanding.

He lay back down and closed his eyes, but he couldn't sleep. He avoided thinking too much about Fujin. The thought of her dying was too much to handle and he couldn't picture his world without her in it.

In sleep, Zell gasped and his fists tightened. Even in dreams, he was prepared to fight. That was what made dealing with Zell fun – his temper and his willingness to fight back, no matter how big his adversary. In his own way, Zell was just as big a hot-head as Seifer, and just as passionate, and Seifer grudgingly gave respect to that.

As Seifer lay there awake, he was forced to face a future he wasn't sure he was ready for and feelings he didn't quite understand. It wasn't just lust that drove him anymore. It wasn't a goof to get Zell all riled up. The more time he spent in Zell's company, the more intensely attractive Seifer found him. There was no explanation for it, and now it felt like he'd reached the point of no return, and it drove him nuts that he couldn't get a read on Zell's feelings at all.

It was ridiculous to be so sexually frustrated over Zell he could barely see straight. His best friend might be dying, and all he could think about was kissing Zell awake and then fucking his brains out. Maybe, he just needed to get laid, but it wasn't like Garden was overflowing with prospects. Most of them could barely look him in the eye. The ones that would wanted him dead.

Annoyed with himself and with Zell for being so prudish, Seifer got up. He found his boots in the dark and carried them to the door, stopped and cast a look back at the bed where Zell lay with the sheet tangled around his ankles and most of his face buried in the pillow.

He almost changed his mind and went back, but he suspected if he acted on his impulses, it would not go as planned.

Outside in the hall, he stuffed his feet into his boots with the intent of returning to his room, but the scent of coffee lured him away from the SeeD dorms, out into the corridor and into the cafeteria.

He wasn't a huge fan of coffee, but it would see him through the morning if he drank enough. He ordered a large cup and drank it black at a table in the back. The only people in the cafeteria at this hour were the ladies behind the counter and a solitary Trepie Seifer recognized from his cadet days.

Around 6:30, Squall entered the cafeteria, ordered coffee and something to go, but he spotted Seifer and made his way over to the table.

"You're still under restriction," he said.

"I passed the exam," Seifer said.

"Doesn't mean the disciplinary measures have been lifted."

Seifer sipped his coffee. "You gonna take me to detention, Commander?"

Squall stuck a hand in his pocket and retrieved a wad of Gil. He tossed ten bills on the table and Seifer counted them. He wasn't sure if he should be pissed or impressed.

"Those jackasses bet two-grand I'd fall on my face?"

"It was four, but Nida put his money on you, too."

Seifer didn't know who Nida was, but he already liked him.

"Thanks, Leonhart. I'll be putting this to good use."

Seifer pocketed the Gil, sipped his coffee, and angled his head at the empty chair. It was time to get his shit in order.

"Have a seat," Seifer said. "Somethin' I wanna ask you."

"Is it about Fujin?" Squall asked as he took a seat.

"You heard about that already?"

"Contrary to what everyone thinks, there's not much I don't know about what goes on around here," Squall said. "Dr. K messaged me last night, and this morning."

"So, you know she might be sick."

Squall nodded.

"I need to know what happens to her if she is," Seifer said. "Y'all gonna kick her out, or what?"

"No," Squall said. "We take care of our own."

Humbled, Seifer bowed his head and fought back another round of tears.

"I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything."

When Seifer looked up, there was too much sympathy in Squall's eyes, and it told Seifer everything he needed to know about what kind of news awaited him in Dr. Kadowaki's office.

* * *

 

When Zell woke up, the clock beside the bed said 11:47AM. He yawned and stretched, and realized, he was alone.

Zell mentally punched himself in the nose for being disappointed. It wasn't like he expected Seifer to stick around.

He showered and dressed, then headed down to the infirmary to check on Fujin. On the way, he popped into the cafeteria for a late breakfast and some coffee.

"Hi Instructor!" a cadet he didn't recognize called as he stepped inside.

He waved back and tried not to notice the way everyone stared. Girls whispered things to each other behind cupped hands and a few of the boys puffed up their chests as he walked by. Nearly everyone greeted him on his way to the counter.

As he was about to get in line, a young girl threw herself at him, wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. It was kind of cute and sweet, but it was unexpected.

He pushed her away as gently as he could. She was no older than ten and he didn't want to be mean.

"You're awesome, Instructor Dincht!"

"Aww, thanks kid," he said. "You're pretty awesome, too.

"I want to be in your class next semester."

She was too young to be one of his students for a few more years, but Zell didn't have the heart to tell her so.

There came a ruckus from the back of the cafeteria and Zell whipped around just as a senior cadet threw a handful of eggs at a well-known Trepie. The Trepie tossed an open carton of milk back. It hit the cadet in the head and splashed all over the table and the floor.

Zell bolted across the room to intervene, but the room erupted into a brawl as other SeeDs and cadets threw food and punches and wrestled on the floor. Food flew from from table to table and kids and SeeDs alike shouted insults at each other.

As he approached, a Trepie swung a fist, aimed at a senior cadet, but he missed and popped Zell in the nose. Something in Zell's face went crunch, and though bright stars of pain clouded his vision, Zell swept out a leg and knocked him to the ground.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, but no one listened. They were all too busy fighting and throwing food.

He wiped blood from his upper lip and ignored the throbbing in his nose.

The brawl grew in size, and when Zell was hit upside the head with a cup full of ice water, he turned toward the offender, who wore a _Trepie Forever_ button on the lapel of his uniform, and seized him out of his chair. The kid stared at him with wide eyes, and Zell checked himself before he hit a junior cadet. He let the kid go as a sound like an air horn went off.

Everyone froze. He fighting stopped, food stopped flying, and everyone turned toward the source of the sound.

"ON THE GROUND. ALL OF YOU!" Xu shouted. She stood on a table, her hands on her hips.

Zell dropped to the floor along with the others, prepared to perform the required number of push-ups as punishment. It wasn't the first time, but he thought he'd left this behind when he became a SeeD.

"Dincht, get up," Xu said. "What are you doing?"

Zell stood up and brushed a blob of cheese fries from his pants.

"Just had a flashback to my cadet days," he said and poked at his broken nose. "Shit, that hurts."

Xu grunted and flicked a mushed pea off Zell's sleeve.

"The rest of you," she said. "Report to the disciplinary room. You will explain why you decided to take out your aggressions in the cafeteria instead of in the Training Center where it belongs."

Garden staff surrounded the offenders and lined them up single file, then marched them out of the room.

"What the hell happened?" Xu asked.

"Best guess? Trepies vs. Zellies," he said.

"This is insane," she said "When I find out who did this, I'm going to disembowel them. This is the third fight this morning."

"Seriously?" Zell asked. "Why? Me and Quis are friends. Why would they fight about that?"

Xu shrugged. "I don't know. By the way, Raijin was looking for you."

"Right," Zell said. "Probably news about Fujin."

"Dr. Kadowaki informed me," Xu said.

"Did she say if she's okay?"

"She's awake. Almasy's with her," she said. "If you'll excuse me, I have some punishment to administer."

She sounded pleased about that and as she walked away, there was a bit more spring in her step than usual.

He decided to grab something from the vending machine down the hall rather than risk another fight, and wolfed down a bag of cheese crackers on his way to the infirmary.

Seifer was in Fujin's room when he arrived, and she was awake and sitting up in bed. Zell breathed a sigh of relief and pushed the door open.

"Hey, Fuu," he greeted.

Her face turned red and she turned her gaze to the laptop balanced on her knees. Seifer stood up, closed the laptop and glared at Zell in a way that hearkened back to their childhood.

"Out," Seifer said.

"What?" Zell asked. "What did I do?"

"Like you don't know," Seifer said.

"Seriously, what did I do?"

Seifer stomped across the room, wrapped his hand around Zell's throat and slammed him back against the door. The pain in his nose flared anew and brought moisture to his eyes. He grabbed hold of Seifer's wrist, but Seifer's grip held firm.

"Don't you ever fucking talk to her again," he said. "Or I will personally rip your heart right out of your chest with my bare hands."

His tone was low and deadly. He didn't blink, his jaw clenched and his grip tightened.

"What did you tell him, Fuu?!" Zell hissed. "I didn't do anything!"

Seifer squeezed harder, and Zell twisted Seifer's wrist in a way that forced him to let go. When Seifer released him, Zell held his ground and turned Seifer's wrist inwards and up.

"You better tell me what your problem is or I'm gonna break your arm."

Seifer headbutted him and Zell saw stars as Seifer dragged him from the room by the hair. He shoved Zell into a chair and dropped the laptop in front of him.

"Explain that," Seifer said and pointed to the screen.

Zell could barely see the screen through the pain in his face, but read through a series of messages. He saw nothing to be concerned about until the end, but he didn't see what it had to do with him.

"Fujin was using a dating site?" Zell said. "So what? Lots of people do that."

Seifer reached over, clicked the back button to the profile of _hotdog0317_. Zell frowned, still more confused than anything until he read the text and spied the blurry photo of himself in the album.

A weird, bad feeling started in the pit of his stomach and he looked up at Seifer's infuriated face.

"This isn't me," Zell said. "I've never even been on this site before now!"

"Sure as hell looks like you," Seifer said. "Why would you lead her on like that?"

"I swear to you, this isn't me!"

Seifer clenched his fists and Zell stood up, prepared to fight if he had to.

"Listen, the only time we ever really talked was when she was pissed at you for leaving her in Balamb," Zell said. "Beyond that, it's strictly classroom, okay? Whoever did this, it wasn't me!"

Unconvinced, Seifer leaned down over Zell with a menacing glare.

"You have no idea what you've done."

"I didn't do it!" Zell shouted.

"Don't talk to her. Don't talk to me," Seifer said. "If you so much as look at her, I will make sure you never see another sunrise."

Zell didn't know how to make him believe the truth. He was only vaguely aware BalambSinglesMingle existed, and only because it was all Nida talked about for a while. Zell never looked into it. The idea of talking to and then meeting strangers for dates seemed really awkward and weird to him, and he was already a little awkward and weird and he didn't need anything to enhance that.

"It wasn't me," Zell whispered and turned his eyes to the floor. "I swear to you. I would never do that."

He didn't see Seifer's fist coming. It popped him right in his already broken nose, and Zell's vision went blurry as blood began to pour down his face again. Zell was so stunned, he didn't even return fire.

"You got your revenge," Seifer said. "You happy now?"

"Revenge?" Zell asked. "What are you talking about?"

"For all the shit we did to you when we were kids," Seifer said. "I'd say we're even now. Congratu-fucking-lations. She's got about six weeks left, by the way, but what the fuck do you care?"

Six weeks? Did that mean...?

"No," he breathed.

Dr. Kadowaki bustled through, stopped, took one look at Zell, and sighed.

"You two are getting way too old for this," she said and steered Zell into a chair. With deft fingers, she reset the bone in Zell's nose, which caused the blood to flow freely again, and then forced his head back and administered a potion. "I've had to treat way too many injuries today to deal with you, too."

Seifer glowered, his fists still clenched, but he didn't say a word. He turned and disappeared into Fujin's room as Dr. Kadowaki shoved cotton plugs into Zell's nostrils.

"Keep your head back," Dr. Kadowaki ordered and returned to her desk. "I swear you boys are going to be the death of me."

Angie rushed in, blood smeared down one arm, in a panic.

"Dr. K, there's been a fight in the library," she said. "Squall said to come get you."

Dr. Kadowaki cast Zell an annoyed sideways glance.

"Let me guess. Zellies against Trepies again?"

Angie sent Zell a guilty look and nodded.

"Good lord," Dr. K said. "This is out of control. Zell, you stay put. Angie, stay with him. If his nose starts bleeding again, there are a couple of high-potions in the cabinet."

"Ummmm... Okay."

She sat down across from Zell and stared at her hands. Still pissed at Seifer's refusal to believe him, and filled with spite, Zell smiled. Angie's eyes widened and Zell wondered why for a minute, until he remembered, he probably looked like a horror show.

"What happened to you?"

"Albazee pudged be."

"...oh. Why?"

"I du-do," he said, not willing to explain. "Baby he's a Trebbie."

Angie's stare was hard to read. There was too much going on to sustain his anger with her and he offered a weak smile. She looked away, her cheeks pink.

It was then that Selphie burst into the office, red-eyed and on the verge of tears. She looked at Zell and sniffled, then began to howl an incoherent string of words at him. He didn't even try to decipher her meaning.

Her babbling brought Seifer to the door, and this time, his snarl was for her.

"Keep it down, Tilmitt," he snapped. "Fujin's trying to rest."

"I need to talk to her," Selphie sniffled. "It's important."

"Whatever you gotta say can wait," Seifer said.

Selphie put her hands on her hips and glared up at him, her tears forgotten.

"Get out of my way, or I'll murder you with a plastic fork until you die," she said.

"Yeah? How do you plan to do that? You can't even reach my face without a step ladder, shorty," he said.

Selphie took a swing at him, which he dodged with ease. His laughter only enraged her further and she took another, which he also dodged, then she slithered around him and into the gap between Seifer and the door.

"Fujin, I'm so sorry," Selphie gushed as she rushed into the room. "It's all my fault and I'm sorry."

Seifer seized her by the arms and dragged her toward the door.

"I'm three times your size, Tilmitt," Seifer warned, "but I'm not afraid to hurt you if I have to. Get. The. Fuck. Out."

"What's all your fault?" Zell wondered aloud.

"This whole mess," Selphie wined. "It was me. Okay? It was me and I'm really, really sorry I pretended to be Zell and made you all upset. I didn't mean for anything bad to happen, okay?"

Zell's entire body went cold, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Seifer let Selphie go but stepped into her space and glared at her.

"What did you say?" he asked so softly, Zell almost didn't hear him.

"I thought I could help Zell find a girlfriend," Selphie sniffled. "So I set up a dating profile for him. Fujin thought she was talking to him when it was really me, but she was pretending, too, and I'm sorry for lying and I just really wanted him to be happy and... I didn't mean for any of this!"

She trailed off and Zell's vision went black, then red, and it was hard to breathe.

Then, filled with a kind of blood-lust he'd never known, Zell lifted his fists and launched himself at her


End file.
